My favourite Love Story

On the 28th of October would have been my late Father in Law's 77th birthday. He has been gone for a little over two years and his presence is sorely missed. Just the other day, I thought about the write up I did for his memorial book and I thought it would be nice to share it with my readers. Entitled, A Love Story, it always tears me up when I read it.

I once asked ‘I wonder how would anyone subject themselves to arranged marriages?! To marry a stranger and be with his/her family?!’ An advocate of love marriages, Suren and I dated for 6 years before we got married in 2013 and during those years, I was already fraternizing with the family to ‘ease’ my way into the Indrans’ household.

My perception changed when I started to get to know my parents in law, a successful alliance which was a product of arranged marriage. Both hardly knew each other prior to the wedding but the fact that Uncle Indran was Uncle Kuna’s (Aunty Archee’s older brother) good friend contributed to the strong recommendation that sealed the proposal.

Although they started off their relationship as strangers, they grew closer over the years and remained very much in love till Uncle Indran’s last days. The flamboyant and charming Indran was a perfect match to the sweet and endearing Archee.

Many who know this couple would perceive Uncle Indran as the dominant one in the relationship but the truth is although Uncle Indran was the head of the family, Aunty Archee was the neck that moved the head. Uncle Indran used to joke that he may be a Major but he always thought that he was the General and Aunty was the Major simply because he made all the general decisions in their lives and she did the major ones.

As long as I can remember, these two were inseparable. Uncle Indran only eats if Aunty Archee serves him and they ALWAYS ate together be it at home or at a party. At any functions, when Uncle Indran will be holding court, Aunty Archee can be seen giggling softly right next to him.

Uncle was always teasing her and she will slap his thigh playfully in return. I have often caught them sitting right next to each other in their own thoughts but looking blissfully happy. There was never a day, Uncle would not call  ‘Archee!’ out loud simply because he needs to have her by his side which she happily obliges.

                                                   Uncle Indran & Aunty Archee in the late 70's

Aunty Archee loves flowers and he made sure he gets them for her whenever he can. Aunty once told me that while they were travelling from Penang to Johor, he had stopped his car to pick some wild flowers for her. How romantic is that?! Unlike most men, Uncle Indran remembered important dates such as their registration day and wedding day and was the one who reminded her.

Although uncle was unwell and aunty took care of him, he was always watching out for her too. Ensuring she had enough rest and food, uncle enjoys nagging her and she basked in his concerns with her usual smiles. They were truly made for each other.

Suren told me that he had never seen his parents argue in front of him and his siblings. All disagreements were deliberated in private between them. Uncle Indran valued aunty’s opinions and this proved to be pivotal in the success of their marriage.

They were each other’s strongest cheerleader. Uncle Indran’s illustrious life was made possible with the love and support he derived from Aunty Archee. She was a contented woman because he encouraged her to pursue her interests. The dedication towards their relationship and the devotion they shared towards each other provided the basis of a happy home for their children.

                                                                  Match made in Heaven

My most treasured moments with Uncle Indran were meal times when he would be regaling me with stories of his army life. Sometimes he would slip tips on how to sustain a happy and harmonious married life. He emphasized on being each other’s pillar of strength and whenever something is ‘broken’, fix it not throw it. Be it a love or arranged marriage, when you apply this in your relationship with your spouse, a happy married life is guaranteed.

For the last few months, when uncle was at the hospital, she was by his side 24/7. Uncle himself had to reassure her that he was fine for her to go out for a while to get some fresh air. When he had to be in the ICU and she could not stay with him, she reluctantly followed us home only after Suren promised her that he would bring her back to the hospital early next morning. When uncle’s situation worsened, she put on a brave front as not to worry him but Uncle Indran was well aware of his situation but acted as though he did not know anything as not to worry her. This simple act of sparing each other’s feelings in my opinion is an act of true love.

When uncle slipped into unconsciousness and was being wheeled into the ICU, she clung to him and said ‘Darling’ repeatedly as tears coursed down her cheeks. When they told her that they needed to rush, she added ever so softly ‘I love you’ as she stroked his hair. That was when my vision was blurred by my own tears. It was too much to bear.

The family kept vigil at the waiting lounge that day but the hospital was kind enough to let Aunty Archee be by his side. At that point, his blood pressure was dropping steadily. I went in to see Uncle Indran before I went home. My heart ached when I saw Aunty Archee lying on his shoulder and gently stroking his arm, only stopping to give him small kisses on his hand. As much as I wanted uncle to be released from the pain he was suffering from, I wanted him to hold on a little longer for her to come to terms that her one and only love was going away. Eventually, he held on and was even responding by moving his head and arm whenever anyone spoke to him. That small window of miracle gave us chance to say our good byes and when he breathed his last, Aunty Archee said ‘Go in peace, darling’ That scene will be etched in my mind for the rest of my life.

To lose your husband who is your best friend, your lover and confidant is definitely one of the hardest things a woman has to go through. The depth of love they have for each other is immeasurable and those who know them have nothing but deep admiration for them on the commitment they both share.

Young ladies have always wanted to marry a man like Lord Rama who was believed to love one woman only, Sita and was devoted to her but I am convinced Uncle Indran was more than Lord Rama to Aunty Archee just as she was more than Sita for Uncle Indran. This is the kind of love story that warms your heart and makes you believe in soul mates and true love.

Although Uncle Indran is no longer with us, we would just need to summon a fond memory of him to relive the happy moments and I am convinced Aunty Archee has a lifetime of loving and fond memories of her darling to sustain her.

Uncle, your love story is inspiring, it will be a tough act to follow.

Being a Woman

It has actually been 4 months since I blogged. Which is not good as I told myself to blog consistently but life got into the way and promises are meant to be broken. I know, excuses, excuses.

But I have been getting my fair share of writing done in other platforms so I wouldn't exactly say that I have been out of touch.

What would like I to comment today? Well, my son turns 9 months old today and he has been in Melaka with his grandma for a few days. As much I miss his gummy smiles, I am enjoying my uninterrupted sleep. Something mothers of young children could relate to. Having adequate sleep has helped me to be more efficient in dealing with the myriad of things I do on daily basis and I feel so productive. But then again, I do miss him a lot. He is my happy pill.

I had the opportunity to meet a bunch of inspiring ladies at Coca Cola Bottlers (M) Sdn Bhd last Friday in an initiative mooted by TalentCorp for their Career Comeback Programme. The ladies were inspiring. I could just listen or talk to them all day long. It is evident from what was shared that they are able to climb the corporate ladder because of the support system they have. I often worry about the children when I have meetings or events as we do not have a helper at home and we rely on the babysitter. She is incredibly nice. Nice to the extend that she stitched a skirt from her old curtain when Pebbles peed in her pants and had nothing to wear for the bottom. My sister commented that it was very like Scarlett O'Hara.

But yeah, she is nice and adores the kids but she is also elderly and it is unfair for us to leave the kids with her till really late. So that is always my concern. But that interaction I had or rather the 15 of us had with these ladies opened up my eyes on the possibility of doing work or even pursuing my dreams inspite of my children. Having children should not be an obstacle. Instead it should encourage you to be a better woman.

But it is not easy. Many a times I have rocked Baba (That's my son's nickname by the way) on my lap while I navigated slides on the laptop for clients. Personally, I don't think it is professional but thankfully client was an understanding person and that was when the babysitter was not free so I had no choice.

On a serious note, it would be wonderful if the kids can be taken care of from 9am to 6pm while I get some productive work done. Since I am an entrepreneur, timing is not fixed therefore I sincerely believe I would thrive in a different environment hence me looking out for a full time job.

That task alone has posed so much of problems for me. Back in June when I decided to go back to the corporate world, I naturally sought out my former employers but there were no encouraging feedback. Although I felt dejected I soldiered on but it is not easy. Nobody wants to hire a woman who has been out of the corporate world for 3 years although she has tried to stay relevant by doing freelance work. Nobody! Zilch! it is very upsetting. To date, I have sent out so many copies of my resume. Spoken to many people. Met strangers to obtain advice on 'how to massage my resume' to appear more marketable. So yeah, it has been frustrating but I try to be positive by telling myself that everything happens for a reason and that I am learning something from this whole experience. What exactly? that I am not sure yet :P

Many times I have told myself that I should not have quit my job but I wouldn't trade the 3 years I am out of the Corporate World for anything else as I have learned a lot. The experience opened up new vistas for me. Although I did not gain any monetary value but I gained many more friends and learnings from the interactions I had from them. And I learned a lot more about myself. About the kind of person I am and the kind of person I want to be.

So if you ask me if it is difficult being a woman in this Era, I would say Hell Yeah! But I would also say 'So What?' all these difficulities are only going to toughen us up and isn't that a good thing? So stop lamenting and start living. I am a daughter, I am a wife, I am a Mother and most importantly I am a Woman and I am so darn proud of being one. It is a badge I would wear with pride.

Who run the world? Girls!