The recent suicides due to depression by Kate Spade and
Anthony Bourdain brought a flood of posts on social media on mental health
awareness. Some friends even shared their own stories and it struck me what a
conniving disease this is because depression has no specific characteristics.
Both Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain did not exhibit any tell-tale signs prior
to their suicide. They apparently appeared normal so this got me thinking, how
does one tell if the other is having depression if you are not informed. The
answer is YOU CAN’T! And that freaks me out.
I was thinking hard on how to help those who are depressed
or think that they are depressed and I have come up with a list of suggestions
which are no way fool proof so feel free to comment.
1. Listen, listen, listen
When someone opens up to you about the problems they are
facing, always be present and listen them out first. Do not even attempt to
formulate your ‘Dear Thelma’ replies. Just listen with an open heart. Don’t
form judgement in your head and heart when they are pouring out to you. Most of
the time, they just want someone to vent their frustration to.
2. Be empathetic
People who are depressed have issues that bog them down;
issues you think are insignificant but are VERY significant to them. Your
friend might say that she hates her skin because of the huge acne problem but
you think it is not a biggie. Instead of saying ‘Seriously?!’ say phrases like
‘Oh dear’, ‘Poor you’ ‘I hope it goes away soon’ etc. Okay, you may think you
are molly coddling them but it actually makes them feel better because it shows
you are putting yourself in their shoes which being empathetic is all about.
And of course when you are saying all that, mean it!
3. Be Kind
A depressed person has their mind wrapped in a fog when they
are feeling down. They might be aware of the solutions to their problems but
they are unable to act upon it. Never ever say ‘Snap out of it’ because they
simply can’t and it is a very unkind thing to say. Instead, you can learn to
phrase your feedback constructively. For example, a friend is complaining she
is fat and unfit. You know she hates to exercise. Instead of telling her to do
it (of which she is aware of) you can suggest simple things like going for
walks with her or send links to some easy exercises that you had done and she
can do too. Subtle messages and actions yield greater results.
4. Always check on them
If you realise that they have been quiet in your common
WhatsApp group(s), instead of presuming what had happened, just send a message
to check on them. A simple 'Hello' or 'Whats Up' would suffice. It shows that we
care and we should because we are friends for a reason in the first place.
5. Be aware of their activities
If you are hooked on the social media like me, take the
extra effort to be vigilant on their posts instead of blindly ‘Liking’ or ‘Sharing’. This is where use ‘Social Media responsibly’ takes effect. I read somewhere
that Facebook has instilled some sort of detector that detects words such as
depression and suicides in its bid to help the community. So instead of using
robot to do it, let’s be more caring towards the people who mean to us by
looking out for them. If their posts appear melancholic such as ‘the time is dragging
by and I can’t seem to get off my bed’ or ‘I wish I wasn’t born’ etc, check on
them right away, don’t dally. A friend of mine mentioned that her schoolmate
was trying to reach out to her and the others, often asking them to meet up but
everyone was too busy for her. She ended up committing suicide due to
depression. Till today, my friend regrets not heeding the warning that was
right in front of her.
I understand everyone has their own lives and we are so
swamped with our own problems. But nothing beats being there for your family
and friends. Time spent with them will never come back so be kind and be
present. Just do your best.
Image from Google
