Crossroads;Countdown to 35

I am turning 35 in a month's time and I find myself at a crossroad. Do I go back to full time employment or continue staying at home with Pebbles and do some freelance work?

I admit, I have kind of settled into a very slow paced life. I no longer have to wake up super early to get things done and slog at work for up to 14 hours and miss out a chunk of Pebbles' life. But at the same time, I am missing the creativity outlet that I can only obtain at work tremendously. So what do I do? If I were to list down the Pros and cons of the matter in hand, going back to work will win hands down. I mean what can trump a steady flow of income every month? But is it worth it?

The past 11 months since I quit my job, I had attended courses to acquire a new skill which is translation however I have yet to yield any substantial results from it. I am partly to be blamed as I don't dedicate myself in carving something great out of it. I feel like a 'Jack of all Trades and Master of None' Oh dear, what a dilemma?! And 24 hours is just not enough!

I feel turning 35 is a huge deal. It's a major milestone. Half of 70. I am married to a wonderful man and I have a loving child so why do I still feel empty? I read somewhere that work gives a sense of achievement and joy and I refuse to believe that a home maker is not a job. Honestly, I have learned how to strategize effectively when I became a SAHM as compared to the years I spent at work.

It is funny how the WFTM envy the SAHM and vice versa. There are pros and cons in everything I guess but honestly, I think WAHMs have the best package. They work from home to earn some extra cash and make use of their skills so that fulfils the sense of achievement and they can watch they kids grow which gives them joy.

So yeah, I really need to focus on becoming an effective freelancer to avoid having to entertaining such conflicting thoughts.

Here's to having a more meaningful life.

my sentiments, exactly!

image from Google

Kindness goes a long way in the journey of motherhood

My 17 year old teenager (OK,she is 17 months old but I swear she behaves like the former age) is headstrong and assertive as well as fiercely independent. As much as I admire those qualities in my child, sometimes I wished she would just be a kid and listens to her mother.

Pebbles 'descended' into the Terrible Two era rather prematurely at 14 months. Her progress was rapid and it was obvious that she was throwing tantrums simply because we could not understand her. I found it (still finding it) difficult to be a few steps ahead of her to avert any tragedies.

While I was holidaying with my mother, sisters and my baby niece, Pebbles threw the tantrum of her life. We were at a Chinese restaurant that was teeming with customers. Pebbles was hungry and tired and started wailing. Pippa and I took turns to comfort her but it didn't work until we gave her some ice cream. By then, everyone was looking at us and I was very embarrassed. I wished hubby was with me and I gently chided myself for being overly dramatic until I overhead a man telling his grown children that he was lucky his kids didn't cause a scene at public places. My heart shrivelled and I had no appetite to have my dinner. Later that night, Pebbles threw another round of tantrum and out of frustration, I smacked her leg in 3 quick successions which obviously did not help with the situation as she cried even louder. Eventually she slept off but I was overcome with mortification of what I did. I realized I reacted that way because of what the man said. I was deeply ashamed but I also knew that I was very tired and the fact that Pebbles chose the wrong time to act up did not help.

Fast forward a few days later, we three attended a wedding which ended with a lunch buffet. Having woken up earlier than usual, Pebbles was grumpy and insisted on eating by herself. Not wanting to make a mess and be embarrassed, I pleaded my hubby (who was hungry, poor thing) to take her away while I wolfed down my lunch and then I would look after her. A kind lady next to me said to let Pebbles eat by herself and it is okay if she messed up the place, the servers can help to clean. I was sweating profusely and my nose was blocked, my mind was telling me to eat quickly and I was praying hard that Pebbles would not break down but when the lady spoke to me gently, my heart soared. Her simple words touched my heart and I felt grateful. I was grateful for not being judged. I called my hubby and he came over with a rather flustered Pebbles. The kind lady continued talking to Pebbles in her lilting voice and she (thankfully) settled down and I even managed to feed her a few spoonfuls of food.

Her own kid was messing up the table and when I offered her some wipes she gently refused and said to save them for my own usage. She proceeded to talk about her kids, she has three while meticulously cleaned up the mess with her hands and a tissue. She even complimented my hubby for being supportive and helpful with Pebbles (I am blessed!)

She then left and I realized that I did not ask for her name! She may be a stranger but she made my day. The few minutes of conversation made me realize that kind words go a long way and I have resolved to pass it on.

Thank you sweet and kind lady. May God bless you always.

Image from Google