Sehati Sejiwa dengan Geng Senyum Sokmo

When people ask me where I am from, I'll take a while to answer them simply because I was born in Ipoh, spent 17 years in Kuala Terengganu, went back to Ipoh to pursue my Form 6 studies and then came to Kuala Lumpur for university and stayed on.

So I tell them that I am from K.T simply because I spent most (and the best) years there (I am in the 14th year in KL) However my parents left Kuala Terengganu 10 years ago and settled in Ipoh so I have not been back in KT for 10 long years therefore when I tell people that I am from KT, they ask if my parents are there, I say 'No, they are in Ipoh' and they get confused. OK that is my personal conflict (of which I would eventually solve) but what I would like to highlight is when I tell people that I am from KT, their eyes just get so big (much to my amusement) and they would ask me this 'How was it like growing up there?' to which I would reply very happily, 'Great! I loved it there. Best place in the world to spend your childhood' (Terengganu state should hire me to do their marketing for tourism)

My sisters and I grew up in the quaint (not anymore) KT town where there is no cinema and huge shopping malls but we were very happy. I used to get miffed when the next question people ask is 'Aren't they fanatic or something there?' to which I would vehemently say 'No' and add rather cheekily that KT people are far more friendly and accommodating than those in KL and Ipoh (hah, take that!) I am not denying that we were not subjected to racial slur. We were but they were of childish nature and we were matured enough to brush it aside instead of making a huge deal about it. When friends inadvertently used the wrong Tamil terms such as 'Nande' for 'Pottu' we patiently explain to them that the dot on the forehead is called Pottu. Nande is crab in Tamil to which they would apologize profusely and then laugh it off. So yeah, that was the environment I grew up in; chilled, laid back and easy going.

When the term One Malaysia came about I couldn't help but feel proud that my friends and I are living examples of that slogan. In every chapter of my life (of which, I have cleverly divided according to the states I have lived and living in) I always have close friends of different races. I didn't choose to, it just happened and I am so glad it did. Reflecting back, if I did not have the awesome childhood I had in the quaint and so called fanatic town, I would not be a tolerant Malaysian, I am today.

A few days ago, my friends and I met up. We share over 21 years of friendship. Although we no longer live in KT (but their parents do) we bond so nicely simply because we share the amazing memories of growing up and schooling in KT. Thanks to technology, we keep in touch via Wats App, our group is aptly called 'Senyum Sokmo' and via FB. We try to meet up as often as we can and surprisingly, although we are doing different things now and have our own lives, whenever we meet, we could just pick up where we left the last time we met and chat the night away. Sometimes we would find ourselves laughing out loud to the point of snorting (for no reason) and that is when we feel we are magically transported to the days we were young and carefree.

It is amazing to know how a group of different people can just click like that. I strongly believe it is the love, respect, trust and care we have for each other that have sustained us for so many years and will sustain for the years to come. In this 21 years of friendship we have celebrated triumphs and shared defeats. We had shed tears of joy and sadness and most importantly we have shared and still sharing the mutual love we have for each other.

So if anyone wants to learn the concept of One Malaysia, all you have to do is to contact me because I would then introduce you to these incredible human beings whom I proudly call as my buddies:

Nadine: The world's sweetest person. She taught me to be selfless when she used to share her Nutella sandwiches with us in school. Mind you, she is a Nutella freak and her mother only packs her two slices of those yummy sandwiches

Madiha: The super poised and elegant person.She showed me how to be cool, calm and collected under any circumstances and is always willing to lend an ear or shoulder to anyone who needs it.

Ongy: My number one role model in motherhood. She has 3 kids under the age of 6 and she always appears to be unruffled and is a perfect example of one can still have fun even if you are a mother. I am so glad I have her in my life!On a more serious note, she has taught me to never give up

Sagun: The group's live wire and a person who will defend her friends no matter what. She taught me about loyalty

Sarah: Her giggles make me feel warm inside and throughout out the years I know her, she has taught me the importance of being compromising and accommodating.

In a nutshell, in order to live happily in Malaysia the qualities my friends have are crucial to practise. I am so glad I have them in my life and feel blessed to know that our children would share the same bond too.

The theme for Malaysia's 58th birthday is 'Sehati Sejiwa'. The theme resonates strongly with the friendship I share with this 'Senyum Sokmo' gang, we are indeed of One Heart, One Soul.

Love you girls to the moon and back.

The Senyum Sokmo Gang

No Arms, No Legs, No Worries!

That's the title of Nick Vujicic's DVD for young people of which I have added to my 'Must Watch List'.

I 'came' across Nick years ago during a program in the office when a trainer aired his video. I saw a limbless young man with an ear piece talking to a group of youngsters. He was funny and upbeat but his message of living life to the fullest and never limiting ourselves moved us to tears (I was sobbing so hard, thank god I had tissues to wipe away the snot).

You know how things happen for a reason? Well just over two weeks ago, I attended another training (I am a sucker for training programs) and the same video was shown. While this time, I could control my tears (OK I did shed a tear or two, I am after all a sensitive pooh), I focused on really understanding his inspiring message. Here we have in modern times, among us a remarkable individual who never let his condition to be a hindrance in life. Instead he saw it as a blessing to achieve so many milestones (do you know he can drive?) and has chosen to share his inspiring stories by becoming a prolific motivational speaker.

Just yesterday,as I spent some (OK, a lot) of time surfing the channels on TV, a show of Nick was on. This time it showed his gorgeous wife and adorable son (they are expecting another one now) It looked like a typical family of three just like me, my husband and Pebbles. I watched Nick as a whole person in fact he is and he is perfect. The joy, love and appreciation he emanates towards God, his family and friends are obvious. 'Coming' across him again had nudged me to write about him and spread his goodness to my fellow readers.

In the show, there was a scene where he was about to take a shower and he actually removed his T-shirt without any help! Next, he shampooed his hair by squirting some shampoo on his head and proceeded to rub his head against the wall. My heart swelled with pride (I am a mother now, I can easily 'swell with pride') Being able to shower by himself is an achievement he is proud of. The beauty here is Nick takes the effort and time to appreciate the little things we 'limbed' people take for granted. 

Nick loves the water. Although he would not be able to swim like Michael Phelps, he can be underwater for 4 whole minutes because the oxygen in his body does not need to be pumped to his arms and legs. He finds that cool and so do I. He can also play golf and even goes fishing!

The message here is, Nick may have the world's most supportive and loving family as well as friends but if he did not have the willpower to do what he wanted, he would have been a vegetable. Reflect this guys, how many of us spend the hours away wishing for better things in life so we would be happier? It is about time we appreciate the things we have in life and strive to do the very best. In my opinion, if the brain is the most powerful tool, then Nick's whole body is filled with brains. I don't have anything but deep respect for this extraordinary human being. 

For those who are reading this, I really hope you would be able to check out and share his simple yet powerful videos with your family especially the younger kids (I can't wait to show them to Pebbles)

Nick has a knack of making you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I can't wait to see him in person and give him a bear hug. I am sure Pebbles would love to shower him with sloppy kisses on his handsome face.

What a gorgeous sight?

Nick with his son, Kiyoshi

Image from Google

My Grandmother-in-Law

I have many role models in my life;people I look up to for the admirable qualities they have. One of them is my mother-in-law's mother whom everyone affectionately calls 'Appache' . Today would have been her 97th birthday. She passed away last year in April and her absence is still greatly felt.

Everyone who knew her and touched by her simplicity would definitely be reminiscing about her on this special day including myself. Appache was the strong silent type. She is, in my eyes the epitome of someone who had lived to her fullest potentials and capabilities. Here, I am going to outline her exemplary habits which resonate with Stephen Covey's 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

Habit 1: Be Proactive

Some years ago, Appache left her house in Segamat to live with my in laws in Melaka as they did not want her to live alone in the big house. Although she was no longer living there,she ensured all her bills were paid on time and she even had a small book which she recorded reminders and notes so she would not forget (written in Tamil neatly).Every other month, she would ring up her children or grandchildren to find out who was available to take her to Segamat. She was aware of their schedule and took it upon herself to make arrangements to go to her house and even to her doctor's appointments.

During the only trip I followed her and my husband to Segamat, I was amazed at how detailed she was in her instructions to her house's caretaker and how she made sure she gave him the right amount of money to settle a few chores in the house. Appache was very meticulous.

Habit 2: Begin with End in Mind

Appache had a fall in February 2013 and fractured her hip bone and shoulder and underwent multiple surgeries. She was bedridden for a while but was determined to be up and about as she had some unfinished business to attend to which included attending our wedding in December 2013. 

Being the focused person she was, she worked hard to ensure she walked again often with the accompaniment of strenuous physio activities of which any regular person would have given up after a day or two. Not Appache. She always said that she never wanted to be a burden to anyone by being bedridden therefore she had the burning desire to be able to walk again and fend for herself.

She ensured she would not rest until all her affairs were put in order. She was 95 then. Needless to say, much to our happiness Appache attended our wedding without the aid of a wheelchair or even a walking stick. She had a big smile on her face as she showered her blessings on me and my husband on our important day; a sight that would never fade from my memory.

Habit 3: Put First Things First

Nothing superseded family for Appache. Her family ALWAYS came first and this did not apply only to her immediate family members but also the extended ones. She was and is always seen as the regal matriarch of the family.

The importance of family and the need of constantly looking out for each other are the values she had effectively inculcated in her children, grandchildren and even great grand children.

Habit 4:Think Win-Win

My husband and I dated for 6 years before we got married. I used to follow him to Melaka now and then and had the chance of spending some time with Appache. Although she belonged to an era where 'unsupervised' courtship was not allowed, she never once chided me or my husband. 

However,using her experiences, she offered nuggets of advice in building long term relationships based on mutual respect and benefit which is prevalent in her family members' relationship with their own families. She also emphasised on the importance of building trust with your spouse. 

According to my mother in law, although Appache and her husband were 12 years apart and had different behaviours, they had a successful marriage based on the mutual love they shared for each other and for their family, a legacy which I am determined to continue.

Habit 5: Seek First to Understand than to be Understood

Apache undoubtedly was the world's best listener. She was emphatic and gave her honest feedback. If you needed a secret keeper, she was the one you would go to. I had, on many occasions confided in her and in her gentle ways she had given me assurances that things would get better by including me in her prayers and also reminding me to believe in myself. She was direct yet tactful and honest yet sympathetic, a rare quality indeed.

Habit 6: Synergize

Although Appache was determined and focused, she was not hard headed. She was definitely not a believer of 'it's my way or the high way' but definitely a staunch believer of 'our way'. She was aware of her limitations and often she was chided for wanting to do something which may appear as inconceivable to others so instead of surrendering in despair, she sought new and better alternatives. With this attitude I believe Appache was more than capable of running this country instead of you know who?! 

Habit 7: Sharpen your Saw

Although it seemed like her life revolved around her family, Appache knew the importance of maintaining her effectiveness. She was an avid fan of cross stitch, a great cook and had green fingers. She was aware of the importance of eating right to maintain maximum health and was a devout Hindu.

Appache's life was not without tragedies. She lost her father and youngest sister to Typhoid at a young age. Her 6th child died at the age of 9 after a bout of sickness. Her husband died in his sleep. Her first born whom she was very close to as he lived with her in Segamat and also only 17 years younger than her passed away right after celebrating her 79th birthday. All these incidents devastated her but they did not make her a bitter person instead they reinforced her beliefs that nothing is permanent in life and life must always go on, a phrase which is easier said than done but she practiced it.

Appache had far more qualities than what I had written but I wrote this specially for my husband who is now at a juncture in his life where he needs Appache's guidance, love and support more than ever. I hope he finds some solace in reading this because we all know she is watching over us from above as our guardian angel and will forever have our best interest in her pure and loving heart.

Happy Birthday Appache. We miss you

Appache blessing us on our wedding day

“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” Maya Angelou

It's all in your mind

That's my husband's favourite mantra. And it is sooo true.My simple and down to earth husband who preaches sports is the way of life (not Yoga) firmly believes that whatever you do, it's controlled by your mind. I totally agree with him except when he says 'Darling, it's all in your mind' whenever I complain of period cramps (that is when I feel like murdering him. What does he know about period cramps, heh?)

That aside,my biggest fear in life is losing my mind. I am so 'attached' to my thought processes that I am afraid I would literally die if I lose my mind. I know technically, I would not know that I have lost my mind when I do because I have lost my marbles, right? (have you guys given up on me, already?)

Being an avid reader, I am familiar with the contents of books such as Law of Attraction by Michael J. Losier, Secret by Rhonda Bryne, Rich Dad, Poor Dad by Robert Kiyosaki and the likes. The main message in these books was to set a positive intention and focus on your goals.

In the beginning, I was reading all these lines and understanding the concept on a superficial level. I understood the context, felt empowered but never practiced it until I became a SAHM and had all the time in the world to do some reflection. (between changing diapers, feeding and cleaning up the mess after Pebbles. Did I actually say I have time?)

Well, last week, I had the chance to attend a program (I promise, I would write more about it soon) which reinforced the idea of conditioning your mind to be a powerful tool and attract the good things you want in life such as a healthy life, a big home, travel around the world and whatever you want. I studied Science in the university so naturally my curiosity was piqued when scientific terms were used such as Reticular Activating System (RAS) and Amygdala. 

RAS is like your Google Search. For an instance, you are pregnant and obviously you would be craving for some yummy desserts (for me it was the chocolates) RAS will automatically 'find' the database for you where you would miraculously find desserts shops wherever you go! (How cool is that?) Therefore it is imperative to constantly emphasize the good points instead of bad ones. Like when you say 'Don't eat the newspaper, Pebbles!' in her curious cute little brain, she would only register to 'eat the newspaper' (By the way, it's a true story. Pebbles loves to eat the newspapers!) So yeah, say the positive things and mean it, peeps.

Amygdala on the other hand is your Alarm system that makes you doubt yourself (No guys, you can't surgically remove it, unfortunately) Let's say you want to go bungee jumping with your friends. Although you seemed all psyched up, you may have this nagging thought in your head which might say something like this ' You wont do it, you are afraid of heights remember. The safety equipment is not 100% safe. People have died during bungee jumping. You could die too' Sorry for sounding morbid but that's what the Amygdala does and it is superbly good at it.Moral of the story, don't pay too much heed to Mr.A

Since I have been thinking about conditioning the mind, my RAS had cleverly 'introduced' me to the founder of Isha Kriya, the famous Sadhguru. My husband's uncle gave me this DVD of Sadhguru's teachings in April and only today I watched it. Even Sadhguru had emphasized on the power of the mind and the magnificent things it is capable of doing. I loved it when he said 'There is no superhuman. Being a human is super' Deep!

So there, as of now I am an advocate of mind conditioning. You want good things in life, think of the good things only and believe in them, you will get them. Tell that the Amygdala of yours to 'Zip it!' And practice, practice, practice so the neurons in your brain stay active. After all, practice makes perfect

The mind is a powerful tool so use it POSITIVELY just like how my hubby says, 'It's all in your mind, darling'

Image from Google

Nurture that Neurons of yours

Hyperconnectedness

I came across this phrase when I busy browsing through a magazine while I was getting my toe nails done. It was an article about the founder of Huffington Post, Arianna Huffington who mentioned how she changed her life for the better when she faced the demon called hyperconnectedness in her life.

Obviously it made me reflect on my own habits. I have a Facebook and Instagram account as well as numerous WatsApp groups which I check countless times throughout the day. And I am a Google-holic.

I am a self proclaimed Facebook addict. There was once I came across a link in FB which said something along the lines of 'the dangers of checking FB updates frequently' understandably, I did not open the link. I check for updates on what's going on in my friends' and family's lives, the healthy recipes for my baby (of which I have not tried out at all, OK maybe only one) and also news updates (I don't read the newspapers except for Saturday's) I don't post comments or statuses often but when I do, I am always checking if someone had commented or even liked it. The other day, I said something about tattoos and got upset that my husband did not comment at all (still am) Before you think I have gone deranged, kindly allow me to outline how FB has 'made' me a better person:

1. I always know what people (that matter to me) are up to so I can provide prompt information when others enquire about their whereabouts (I refuse to admit I am a busybody)
2. I have learned how to be sassy thanks to Aunty Acid (I love her!) and Queen of Sass
3. I have learned how to crack some laughable jokes thanks to Humor meets Comics (you guys have to add it in your FB)
4. I have learned how to 'extend' my research based on information shared in FB such as 'Did you know?' and all the parenting and baby related posts
5. I share and practice the affirmative postings
6. I read up about Famous people and easy to apply techniques 'like how to be successful' thanks to Robin Sharma

So you see, there is a whole lot of great things in FB that you can read, watch and rejoice over. Social media is the in thing now so how can I be left behind? I spent a good 2 hours daily checking my FB and about 30 minutes on Instagram and ALWAYS checking my WatsApp messages. I have been toying with the idea of a Twitter account but I have to deal with some time management issues here before I sign up for one. I feel so'connected' to these that sometimes I feel like I am not doing enough! OK you can officially call me cuckoo now.

I am on my smart phone when I pat my baby to sleep (she sleeps face down so I don't feel guilty of not paying attention when I pat her to sleep, like seriously?!), when I watch TV (because I need to know the ending of the movie before it actually ends and also the biographies of the cast members),when I eat alone (I don't want to be alone with my thoughts!) when I am in the car (between giving monosyllabic responses to husband and singing rhymes to Pebbles) and when my brains are not stimulated like boring conversations (which is utterly rude, I know)

I realize it is a bad thing but I just can't help it. Pebbles is at the exploring stage now and she can 'outcrawl' me anytime. She is constantly on her knees and hands and there was one time when her mother was checking FB updates for the 5th time (it was 11am, ladies & gentlemen) she threw the remote control on the floor to pop the batteries out. When I looked up at her, she had two red AAA batteries in her mouth!!!! Thank god I caught her on time! I still cringe when I think what could have happened if I didn't (Bad mother!)

Sometimes I can't sleep at night wondering why no one had responded to my WatsApp messages when I do that promptly (pathetic, huh?) The last thing I do at night and the first thing I do in the following morning is to check my smart phone for FB updates and WatsApp messages as well as Instagram posts (do you guys have 9Gag? They are hilarious!)

Sometimes to 'combat' this problem, I give myself 'challenges' like not checking FB for the whole day (I would then deliberately stay up till midnight to check it.Shameless, I know) or switch off my data plan for the whole day and I will go through the whole day like a druggie with severe withdrawal symptoms.

So yeah, I am still struggling to deal with hyperconnectedness to have a better quality of life. Basically, I want to be 'present' in all situations and live each second of the day without thinking 'who has uploaded what' in FB,Instagram or WatsApp. Tough but I am working on it, how about you?

I am off to play with Pebbles now (ok after I share this entry in FB) 

Image from Google

This is soooo Me!

Happy Birthday Roger Federer!

The EPL season has started. When many men will be excitingly watching and analyzing the games while their spouses lament over the lack of attention, I planned to write about Roger Federer.

You see, he turned 34 years old today (8.8.2015). He is the same age as my husband and I and is also a family man. Unfortunately, the similarity ends there between the three of us.

RF has been hailed as the greatest tennis player of all time. Winner of a record 17 Grand Slam titles and a holder of many other records notably holding the world's No.1 position for about 300 weeks, this man is a force to be reckoned with. At an age where many tennis players had called it quits or nursing multiple injuries, RF is at No.2 and still playing as gloriously as ever (OK maybe only to my eyes but you can't deny the fact that he is a legend)

One stark difference RF has between us is the amount of prize money he has won (US$ 92 freaking million, Source: Wikipedia) As for us, let's just say that I know exactly how much I have in order to pay the bills next month...Sigh!

I first 'noticed' Federer during the the historic finals of Wimbledon Open 2009 in which he played against Andy Murray and I remembered distinctly that the commentator called Federer a wizard and Roddick as machine on the court and I thought he was right. RF was creating magic that day and still is.

It's simply beautiful to watch him play. He is poised and steadily consistent. I don't think I have ever watched him grunt in despair or even hit the racquet in anger like the other players.His single handed backhands are a joy to watch. In short, he oozes elegance and charisma and no wonder Rolex has him on the advertisement year after year during Wimbledon Open because RF is synonymous with the values Rolex stands for ( I wonder if I would get a Rolex watch for saying all these good things about Rolex; I love Rolex)

I don't know much about the techniques applied in tennis. My husband comments on the serves, returns and even ball toss all the time. As for me, ever since I started watching the game, a good match played preferably by Roger Federer has the same effects of a warm hug. You sigh contentedly and say 'That was a good game' after it has ended. You rejoice in their triumphs and you share their sadness in their losses. That's what tennis is for me (football?..never!)

In Wimbledon Open 2012, Federer beat Murray. The pressure was tremendous on Murray to win but the sleek and cool cat of Federer won his 7th Wimbledon Open then. In his speech, he commended Murray for a good fight and told him that he will win someday (of which he did during their next meet; the Olympics 2012). I remember reading the papers the next day and there was a caption written by Daily Mail which I wrote down.

'He did not lose because he choked. He did not lose because he moaned. He did not surrender to injury, or mislay his focus under the incredible weight of history bearing down on him Instead, he was merely a victim of being born in the same generation as the greatest player ever to grace a court' - Daily Mail on Andy Murray's defeat to Roger Federer 8/7/2012

I am lucky to stumble upon this game called tennis and to watch this amazing person create magic on the courts. Happy Birthday Roger Federer! May you continue to win more Grand Slams and entertain us with your superb display of sportsmanship.

Image from Google

Yogability

Being an Indian, I felt very responsible to take up Yoga and be an advocate. You know it being originated from India and all, I thought I should be preaching the goodness of Yoga.

I have always toyed with the idea of taking up Yoga but I just didn't have the time, OK I admit it... I was just being pure lazy and I didn't have the guts to pursue it.

My good friend, Lola is a Yoga practitioner and she is so petite and svelte. We have been friends for like 7 years but although she talks about it, I never had the urge to sign up for a class right away. Even pictures of friends and their limb twisting poses didn't entice me. My mind changed after my sister-in-law took up Yoga. At first she was complaining about how her body ached all over after each session and I remember her lamenting about upcoming classes.

But when I went back to Melaka one weekend, there she was looking all transformed. She looked way much slimmer and most importantly healthier and happier and there she was yapping about Yoga and how it made her life better. Finally my brains revved its engine and I made the resolution to take up classes myself, now that I am home and I don't move much.

I had the contact number of a Yoga instructor with me for a while before I made the call and I was very encouraged when she patiently explained about Yoga and what is it all about and calmed my fears about not being able to attempt some poses. 'What's important is you need to feel comfortable' she said. I eagerly waited for the first class. In the meantime, I managed to convince my youngest sister, Pippa to join the class on pretext of some bonding time. The actual truth is, I needed company badly and I was shy to go alone. (Yes, I am a very shy person, I swear!)

Our first class was last Friday night and it lasted for 90 minutes. The instructor was very kind to us and yours truly obviously couldn't do much.My evil sister had to re-enact my feeble attempts to do some poses in front of my husband later that night much to his amusement.

I did feel sore but good after all the breathing and relaxation techniques. I went for another session on Tuesday which was a bit more strenuous and I thought I was going to die. All in all, they were two really good sessions and I am looking forward to attending tomorrow's class. By the way, there is a 71-year-old lady in class and she is soooooo flexible!

We are going to spend a lot of time together, yoga mat :)

I may not lose weight by practicing Yoga simply because my fats are really stubborn with a capital S but I am sure I am going to be healthier because 'Yoga is a way of Life' (in a monotone voice) 

If only my sister in law had taken up Yoga sooner, I would have followed suit! But thanks for the inspiration :)

Lucky?

I used to wonder what was the big deal when other women tell me that I am lucky to have my husband especially when he takes care of Pebbles i.e changing her diapers, feeding her food and giving her a bath. I mean isn’t parenting teamwork? Just because I am woman, is it my responsibility to attend to our child’s needs solely?

I am more than happy when my husband does all this for our daughter and he does it without a word of complaint. He loves spending time alone with her too. The other day, he took her to the football field to watch Liverpool practice and I had 4 long hours of priceless solitude.

I have to admit that he exceeded my expectations when we had the baby. He was and still is so good with her and he is now a more hands on parent than I am. I remember being grateful (still am) for having a supportive partner to go through this adventure called ‘Parenthood’. The word lucky never crossed my mind.

I came across this blog while I was reading my FB news feed and what a spot on! People especially women should stop saying how lucky the other woman is for having a participating husband. We have a say in choosing our life partner so obviously we would choose someone who would be a great father to the children so what is luck got to do with it? Our kids are the ones who have no choice in choosing their parents so they are lucky if they have great ones :)

Read it.She is so cool

http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/abi-oborne/five-reasons-i-am-not-lucky-to-have-my-husband_b_7875666.html

Can’t wait to tell her off when a woman tells me that I am lucky to be married to my husband *evil snigger*

-Written on July 31, 2015-

Bottle Feeding is OK too

I had a tough time breast feeding Pebbles. The day she was born, the nurse brought her to me and we tried to get her to latch on. It never crossed my mind (in a million years) that I may not be able to breastfeed her.

Firstly, I had trouble getting her to latch on. Secondly, I just didn’t have milk. One or two drops but nothing more. Friends told me to pump regularly. I did for 45 minutes, but I only managed to get half a teaspoon. I was devastated, depressed and stressed out.

My brother in law who is an OB/GYN doctor advised me to get her to latch on 1/2 hour before her feed time. I did that religiously only to cry when Pebbles cried because there wasn’t any milk. I call the early months after Pebbles’ birth the ‘Dark Times’

Luckily my husband was very supportive and he took over the formula milk filled bottle feeding rather expertly.

Pebbles is almost 9 months old and I still feel guilty for not breastfeeding her. Whenever she had the sniffles or a slight fever, I blamed myself for not successfully attempting to breastfeed her and providing her with all the goodness of breast milk.

I anticipate in fear for the question “Are you breastfeeding?’ whenever we meet someone. I crumple in despair when they give me the ‘Look’ right after I say No. It took me a long time to look them in the eye and say ‘No’.

My heart still aches (a little dull now) when I see a mother breastfeeding her child.Breastfeeding is not easy. It is difficult for many mothers. That was when I vowed to myself, never to ask that question to a mother with a baby.

I still support breastfeeding.I think it is excellent for the baby. I even told myself to read up all I can and be prepared mentally and physically for the next baby.But if all attempts fail, I would no longer be ashamed or heartbroken to resort to bottle feeding my child with formula milk.

My good friend, Ina recently had a baby and she confessed that she has a tough time breastfeeding her baby. I gave her appropriate advice which is to get the help of a lactation consultant (of which she had already made an appointment to meet) and most importantly to relax when she is attempting to breastfeed her child. I hope she succeeds. And if she doesn’t, I am going to be there for her to ensure she doesn’t get drowned in the dark sea of guilt and embarrassment as I did.

Once someone asked me, how could I bond with my child when I don’t breastfeed? I was stunned by the question and I had no clever retort. I just excused myself to the room only to cry buckets and telling myself in my head, what a hopeless mother I am. It took me awhile to recover from that episode but it resurfaced again when I read the following link from Baby Center.

http://blogs.babycenter.com/mom_stories/these-photos-may-05312015change-your-mind-about-bottle-feeding/

Only this time, I had a huge smile on my face.These beautiful pictures show the deep bond and affection between the child and the person who is feeding the child through a bottle. When I saw these pictures, I suddenly found myself reminiscing the countless memories of me gazing at Pebbles while she drinks her milk and how my heart swells with so much of love (ok maybe except the time she is grumpy and drinks her milk with a frown which always cracks me up because that’s when I honestly believe I had given birth to a teenager and not a baby)

Basically what I want to say is; I am mother and I feed my child with formula milk and I believe bottle feeding is TOTALLY OK.

-Written on July 28, 2015-

French Parenting

Since I was feeling all blue yesterday, I decided to get some therapy. No, I didn’t lay down on a lounge chair and talk to a therapist neither did I exercise (although I am fully aware that it’s the BEST remedy). I simply dived into my Mount Kilimanjaro height laundry. As I folded the clothes, I began to relax and sent away all my worries ( In actual fact, I stored them somewhere in the corner of my mind to revisit later) I can’t help it! I am a born worrier.

I told myself to take it easy and take one step at a time. Folding clothes and talking to myself did wonders to my conflicted mind and soon I found myself reaching out for a long discarded book to nourish my soul.

When I was pregnant for Pebbles, I got myself some Chicken Soup for the Souls books. The New Mom, Parenthood and Mother & Daughter editions were simply great and heart warming to read. My husband’s cousin lent me a book called Baby Whisperer which gave many useful tips to basically mould your baby effectively :)

I also bought one book which I did not manage to read. I meant, I read a few pages but I lost interest in it or more like I thought the Baby Whisperer was a more informative and helpful book to read. The book I am rambling about is ‘Bringing Up Bebe” by Pamela Druckerman.

As I immersed myself in the pages, I thought rather belatedly that I should have finished reading the book aeons ago! Druckerman gives such vivid and insightful perspective in raising good kids the way French people do packed with statistics and studies. It is also very entertaining to read about French women’s perspective on babies, childbirth, breastfeeding, losing weight after birth and manners. Can’t wait to read the rest of the book and I will definitely recommend all soon to be mothers to read it.

Do you know that French women give themselves 3 months to lose all the pregnancy weight? I am behind by 5 months.Yikes!

-Written on July 23, 2015-

Internal Conflicts

I wonder if there are any SAHMs who miss their working lives. Don’t get me wrong, I love Pebbles to bits and I enjoy spending time with her but I also miss being able to challenge my brains, heck I miss attending meetings!

Friends tell me that I would have my hands full once she starts walking and grabbing things as I would have to be alert at all times. I am not really looking forward to it because seriously, who would want their child to grow super fast?

But although I would soon be so occupied with Pebbles, would I be satisfied with being a SAHM? Does it make me a bad mother for voicing this out? Oh dear!

Deep down I feel my biggest fear is losing myself amidst the commitments I have for my family. Will I be identified as a person of her own without being addressed as So and So’s wife or Pebbles mother? Is it an issue if I am not?

I suppose I need to reach deep down within me to solve this internal dilemma.

Sigh…issues faced by a conflicted person

-Written on July 22, 2015-

Unity in Diversity

It is the Eid celebrations once again and I am happy to see so many pictures of smiling people in colour coordinated clothes in my Facebook news feed for a change.

Let’s admit it, Facebook has become an important tool in bringing people closer together but it is also being used as a platform to brew hatred, anger, jealously and all the negative things you can ever imagine. That is why it was refreshing to see pictures of dear friends having a great time with their loved ones instead.

My close friend Lola invited us over to her house for lunch so as you can imagine, it took my husband and I to get ourselves and Pebbles ages to get ready for this visit. Pebbles was unusually cranky and whiny on that day and I almost watsapped Lola to say we were not coming but the goal of increasing adult interaction came to mind so I persevered and bundled up Pebbles and headed out of the house not realising that I forgot to apply powder on my face and I did not comb my hair! I also wore slippers. I must have been a great sight but polite Lola did not comment anything.

As expected, Pebbles transformed when we reached Lola’s. She became all sweet and giggly (Seriously, I think my child is the mini version of Dr.Jekyll and Mr.Hyde) Nobody believes us when we say she is a screaming queen because she starts cooing at the mere mention of it. People do think I have become deranged to say such a thing about my sweet little cuppy cake.

It was a splendid day. We had sumptuous meal and a few other people came over. Besides Pebbles, Lola had a cute little angelic looking niece who is a month younger than Pebbles there. Both babies were on the play mat doing baby stuff when Pebbles suddenly reached out and scratched the other baby’s face. Can you imagine the horror I went through?! I even had for a split a vision of friendless Pebbles in school because she plays rough. Husband and I apologized profusely and of course the parents were too polite to say anything but ‘It’s ok’ (I am still hyperventilating as I write this)

Anyway the baby calmed down and braved herself to be in the same vicinity as Pebbles who by now decided to explore the house with a lot of knick knacks. Husband dutifully followed her around to ensure she doesn’t break anything more than hurt herself :) (Our child is pretty sturdy)

Another child came along with her parents and we realized what an interesting bunch of multiracial people we made. The hosts were Malays (obviously) I am an Indian, and there were two Chinese families and there we were talking and enjoying each other’s company.

It made me realize how essential interdependence is in our society. People of all walks of life are highly capable of living amongst each other as long as we respect one another. It’s simple as that. Respect is the key ingredient in living harmoniously with one another.

Now I have to instil that value in my child perhaps after I cut her nails really short! Sigh

image from Google

-Written on July 18, 2015-

Sports

When my husband and I started dating,I was involuntarily thrust into the Sports World. He watches all kinds of sports not only Football.

Among all that he watches or follows, I got hooked on to 2 games; cricket and tennis (one team sport and the other individual sport ;) ) Both games are long and can be dreary but being the patient me, I enjoy watching them.

My husband plays friendly cricket matches so I used to follow him and watch him play. He is a bowler and although he may not be the best player (sorry darling) he is well versed with the technicalities of the game (or so I think). My first experience watching a world cup game was back in 2011. India was playing Sri Lanka in the finals. Being of Sri Lanka descent, my husband and his family were rooting for Sri Lanka. I was silently supporting India. It was an interesting game and the atmosphere was electrifying. Needless to say, India emerged as champions and husband was moody (he is a sore loser). But that match piqued my curiosity to learn more about the game and I turned to Google, my trusted advisor. Did I tell you I am a Googleholic? :P

Since I don’t cook and the way to a man’s heart is through cooking, I changed my game plan by equipping myself with knowledge about cricket and tennis and I can safely say my man is impressed whenever I offer nuggets of pertinent information about both sports :)

On tennis, I got hooked when I watched the Wimbledon final 2009 between Roger Federer and Andy Roddick. It was a long match and I was mesmerized by the way both players played. I also remembered the commentator describing each player; Federer a wizard and Roddick a machine. When Federer won, clinching the 15th Grand Slam, surpassing Pete Sampras’ record, I fell in love with tennis.I read all about it and even attempted to play the game which I failed rather miserably. Found out rather belatedly that I am a better spectator than a player

Although I an not sporty and actually a nerd, I love watching these two games. My husband preaches the benefits of participating in sports of which I wholly agree.We bond over these two games and I enjoy listening to him commenting (although I always double check on the accuracy of the information on Google) Can’t help it, I am addicted.

However for 8 long years, he has been pestering me to watch football with him of which I have vehemently declined.Football for me is too over commercialised and I find the players are spoiled (Just my thoughts, don’t shoot me, football enthusiasts)

Now that we have a child, I am all game to ensure she gets sufficient exposure in sports.Husband is very keen to get her to play one individual and one team sport and I am secretly hoping she would choose tennis and cricket (not squash or hockey, please) Squash; I don’t understand the game despite husband explaining it to me repeatedly and Hockey; I don’t want her to get hurt with the sticks :) Can’t help it , I am a mother!

It is never to young to start so we got Pebbles dressed in whites together with a white headband and made her hold a Wilson tennis racquet as we prepared to watch Wimbledon 2015 finals.

Too bad Federer lost to Djokovic but we still love him and we are happy to know that Pebbles have the same head of lovely hair as Federer’s…the soft curls

-Written on July 15, 2015-

Zombified

When I became a mother, I had to part ways with my lover.

It was a painful break up but we had to do it in order for me to be a dutiful mother.

Before your mind wanders away with the imaginary man, let me just burst the bubble by saying that I was talking about my sleep.

I love to sleep. My husband loves to sleep. In fact, he doesn’t take a nap, he hibernates. I enjoy a good night’s sleep and 1 nice short nap in the afternoon. Sounds nice, right?

So it baffled me and my husband when we were bestowed a cherubic baby who hates to sleep. It’s true, Pebbles absolutely hates to sleep.It’s as though she feels she would miss out on things if she sleeps off. Ever since she was born, she never had a straight 10 hour sleep. And as though she is a CEO of a company, she power naps. It’s true, her naps lasts only 20 minutes. The odd thing is, she is all bright eyes when she is up and she turns to me with a look that (I swear) sounds like ‘Ok ma, I am up. Entertain me’ Oh god!

Speaking about God, I am more than convinced that He was bored to tears one day so he decided to have some fun by giving a pair of sleep loving couple a non sleep loving child. ha ha ha (not funny, God)

Take last night for an instance, Pebbles slept off at 8.30pm. Woke up at 10.30pm just when I was about to sleep and only slept off at 1am! Woke up at 4am slept back again after I rocked her but proceeded to do the same at 5,6,7, 8 and 9am when I decided, enough! time to wake up. So here I am looking all zombified while the love of my life is cooing happily.( I meant my baby, husband is equally zombified)

I love my child to bits but I love sleep too but I don’t think I would be able to indulge in it for a looooooong time. Now I hear a strange buzz in my head maybe due to lack of sleep (duh!) and I have work to do. House looks like it has been hit by a tornado. Oh well, I did say the break up with Mr.Sleep was painful, didn’t I? Where is Nanny McPhee when I need her?!

Maybe looking at pictures of people sleeping soundly would ease the pain a little (who am I kidding?)

*Picture from Google image

-Written on July 9,2015-

Yummy Food, Great Company

I married into a family of great cooks which means two things;

1) I ALWAYS have super yummy food

2) I will always feel that my cooking sucks

Number 2 can be dealt with as everyone knows I can’t cook but husband insists that it is not ‘I can’t’ it is more of ‘I won’t’. Oh well, you can bring the horse to the water but you can’t force it to drink right?

I have known my in-laws for 8 long years (So I suppose you can understand the effects of the wonderful cooking on my waistline) and my taste buds have gone through a revolution of acquired taste. Most of them are into traditional Indian cooking but there is a cousin who loves to experiment with food and always manages to whip something mouth-watering and delicious for us.

This cousin of ours loves to cook and bake. She absolutely loves slaving in the kitchen (Obviously, she doesn’t see it as a form of slavery) She is the one person my husband loves to compare me with. And the problem is she is so lovable that I don’t mind being compared to her :P

Last weekend, (in our bid to increase adult interactions) we paid her a visit. Obviously, being the polite us, we informed earlier that we were coming. Our gleeful cousin set about making us stuffed with yummy food.

This is what we had as appetizers:

1) Egg and caviar sandwiches

2) Jelly topped with grapes swimming in evaporated milk

3) Chocolate cupcakes with cream on the top (simply decadent)

Main course:

1) Middle Eastern Lamb and Egg wedges (which was out of this world)

2) Pigs in blanket (I had so much until I could ‘Oink’)

3) Grapes, cheese and apple salad

Needless to say we were stuffed to the brim and we enjoyed her company along with her husband’s and her adorable 6-year-old daughter who was doting on Pebbles. We had fun gabbing away till almost 1am

It made me wonder that life is all about having great food and wonderful company. Don’t you think so?

-Written on July 4, 2015-