The Wedding Speech

I was tidying up my bookshelf when I came across the guest book that was used during my wedding reception almost 3 years ago. In it, I had slipped in the speech I wrote and made during the reception. I thought it was a good thing to get it 'immortalised' in the cyber space :)

I have to warn you though that I am a big fan of the Academy Awards so you may find some resemblance to the flow of the contents but not the length because you have the orchestra to signal that your two minuets is up. My guests had no choice but to listen to me :P

So here goes...

Good evening beloved family and friends,

For those of you who don't know, I got married last Sunday to this wonderful man standing next to me and we are here today to celebrate the union of I daresay the bestest families in the world.

It has been a flurry of excitement for the past week which started off with a grand wedding in Melaka among closest family, friends and well wishers. There were 900 of them. Followed by an awesome party, the Melaka style at the residence of my darling sister in law and her dashing hubby. It was a magical night filled with fireworks, a lot of good food and booze, fantastic music and fun, laughter as well as a horse. (Dear readers, my husband and I rode in a horse drawn buggy from hubby's parents' house to his sister's which is about 300 metres away)

It took us 2 whole days to recover and then we set off for our family moon in the island of food haven, Penang. All 32 of us(ages ranging from 70 years old to 6 months old) enjoyed ourselves immensely amidst the cozy surroundings which helped to strengthened the family bonding (not that we needed hep in that department)

At this point, I am sure you are wondering why family moon not honeymoon. Well, to cut the long story short, both my husband and I come from families who value family above everything else. Therefore, it is only fair that we take this opportunity to thank them personally for turning us into the happy campers we are now. Brace yourselves, this is going to be a long speech.

First off, to my loving parents, Mr&Mrs N whom affectionately call Ma and Pa; there are no words to describe how lucky I am to have you both as my parents. You both are simply my pillars of strength. My only wish is to raise my children just the way you have. Thank you for supporting me in all my endeavours, motivating me when I am down and for simply being the greatest parents. I will forever be eternally grateful to you both.

Next, my three darling sisters who I never cease to boss around. Although I always tell people that you three are up for adoption, you know Akka loves you a lot. To Hazel, thank you for showing me that the sky is the limit. You never fail to amaze me with your relentlessness in pursuing whatever you have set your heart on. To Tara, I admire your patience and strong determination in bulldozing through the mundane of life. Thank you for being my sounding board. To my baby sister, Pippa. I am so proud of who you have turned out to be which is the exact replica of myself; kind, gentle and super nice. Thank you for being there for me especially during the last 3 months when we have been busy with wedding preparation. I know I was not an easy bride to work with. To all three of you, I will always be your big Akka till the day I die so you still need to listen to me.

My two good looking brothers in law; Jay & Steve, thank you for marrying my sisters and getting them off our backs. On a serious note, I see you both more as my brothers so thank you for all the support and encouragement rendered so far. Keep up the good work.

To the host of relatives at my side, my paati, my periappas, periammas, chittapas, chittis, mamas, attes and cousins with their families, my deepest appreciation for the love you have showered  to me and my family always. If god gives me the chance to choose my relatives again, I'd still choose all of you. You guys, ROCK!

Moving on to my parents in law, thank you for accepting me as your daughter in law. I know you had no choice because I made sure I was within your radar for the last six years but I am grateful anyway. I am blessed to be the daughter in law to a pair of in laws who have deep set principles and I am looking forward to receiving the teachings.

To my sister in law and her hubby, I can never ask for better role models. I am in awe of the effort you both had taken to ensure Hubs and I have the best memories of our wedding. You both are the ideal older siblings who shoulder the family responsibilities without any qualms. My fervent wish is to be half good as you both. Our deepest gratitude for all you had done and will be doing.

To my wonderful godson whom I can now proudly call my nephew, Sid, you are the epitome of the perfect kid; smart and witty with a touch of mischief. Thank you for teaching me about life from the eyes of a six year old. Can't wait to share more adventures with you.

To my brother in law and his wife, thank you both for being there for us and for all the encouragement, support and love you both have provided. Here's looking forward to celebrating wedding anniversaries together. (Hubs and I got married on the same day a year later after them)

To Leo boy, thank you for telling me to 'go for it' on that fateful day way back in 2007. If it wasn't for you, this would not have been possible. I am not intoxicated..yet so please believe me when I say you are my brother. Now and forever. Therefore please clean the bathroom when I tell you so.

To the M&S crew with appachi as the matriach, I have fallen in love with each and everyone of you. How couldn't I? It is indeed a blessing to be part of this fabulous family and I thank my lucky stars and past karma for that.

If it is true that men are like stars, with so many to pick from but only one who can make all your dreams come true then Hubs is my one star and I can't wait for the rest of our dreams to come true.

What can I say? Darling, yo are my soul mate, my mentor and my partner in crime. You've stuck by me through some really tough times and some of my best memories are of times spent with you. This might sound cliche but you truly did make me the happiest girl in the world when you asked me to marry you and I can honestly say that I'm proud to be standing here now as your Mrs. I know that life won't always be a bed of roses but I can promise you now that, whatever it tries to throw at us, I'll always be there by your side as your wife and your best friend.

I love you more today than yesterday but less than tomorrow.

Told you it was a long speech. Reading it again made me think that my sentiments remain the same and I am blessed for the life I have. It also made me wonder when will I go for the real honeymoon :P



*Names have been changed to protect their identity..hehehe

Me&Hubs

My TV dilemma

One of the worst things that can ever hit a movie buff is (wait for it) motherhood. Yeap, I said it right.
I love my kid to death but for the past 21 months, I have been watching the best movies and TV shows in parts that stretch over days because my kid's needs always come before mine. So am I a bad mom to lament about this? Of course not! I am merely stating the facts.

It is amazing how Pebbles can orchestrate a perfect full blown tantrum when her mother is watching something interesting on the telly and more often than not the meltdowns happen at the very important scenes i.e the revelation of the killer, the doctor's fatal diagnosis, the magical kiss etc. I am convinced my kid has been wired to burst her mom's bubble(s) of happiness. Oh boy!

The simple solution would be to record the program and watch it at another time but here the potential of another problem arises. My hubby is a TV junkie too, watching all kinds of sports on TV. I bet you if there is a lawn bowling competition on TV, he'd be watching too. So yeah, recording is out of the question.

So what do I do? Besides praying hard that Pebbles doesn't wake up from her nap too soon or do not throw a tantrum, I just make sure I know when the repeats are being aired so I can watch them in parts. Yeap, still in parts because it is either I don't watch it at all or 'earmark' the part I last watched before I had to deal with motherhood. Life is tough but you just got to bulldoze your way through. 

Many mothers I know don't watch the telly as they are swamped with other commitments. Personally I rather squeeze a 30 minute of telly than washing the dirty dishes in the sink. The telly for decades has served as a tool of escapism for many and it has been a faithful one for me just like books. Whereas I can't for the life of me, read chapters half way through, the telly is a simpler, no fuss alternative.

While I battle with Pebbles' inconsistent sleeping pattern, I shall persevere in my journey to expand my creativity through the box which is definitely not an idiot for this mother. Bring it on, great shows!

My experience with HFMD

When cases of HFMD were circulating in social media. We didn't pay much attention to it. We did not take Pebbles anywhere except for a short trip to the mall on my birthday (that was aeons ago). Her babysitter's grandsons were well and active.So you can imagine my horror when the doctor diagnosed that she was having HFMD!

It all started with a fever and some rashes on her legs. Hubby and I thought the rashes were a reaction to the high fever she was having so we got her checked out and lo and behold little Pebbles was told rather nonchalantly that she has the HFMD. Phone calls ensued soon after to establish where she got it from. We received 'clearance' from the babysitter. Her grandsons were OK. We didn't take her to any public places so the only plausible cause we could find is she could have come in contact with an adult who didn't sanitize after dealing with contaminated items. Pebbles is the sort who says hello to every individual in the lift and says bye bye to them too. A complete opposite to her reserved parents.

So it was heartbreaking to see our little Ms.Congeniality writhing in pain on day 2 & 3 when the rashes were big and red. She was constantly whining when we didn't let her scratch her body. The worst part was she absolutely hated being under quarantine. After much cajoling from her in her baby language, we took her out for a drive on day 5 and she was over the moon.

Dealing with a condition that has no vaccination and can only be treated with Calamine lotion and PCM can be nerve wrecking. Luckily, we have doctors in the family who offered some valuable advice and also FB which was flooded with the Do's and Don'ts.

Here, I am sharing what we did to go through the HFMD episode.

1. Quarantine. It is important to stay indoors with your child when he/she has it. PLEASE don't expose other children to it. If you need to go out, make sure you don't touch any kids and that your hands are thoroughly sanitized.

2. Hygiene. Please ensure your home is clean. All soiled diapers must be disposed immediately in proper manner. Empty your trash cans on daily basis. Change your child's towel every two days. Always wash your hands when you deal with your child's food and drinks. Make sure your nails and that of your child's are short and clean. I swept and mopped the floor every night (tiring!)

3. Food. Forget nutritional value for the 1st five days. If your child has ulcers in her mouth and tongue like Pebbles did, the diet would very much consists of ice cream, yoghurt, jelly and ice cubes. Munching on ice cubes was a great relief to her. If you are worried about the milk intake, try cold milk.

4. Attire. Pebbles was only in her diapers for the whole duration. Her clothes scratched her and she often screamed out in pain so she was au naturel sans the diaper (haven't potty trained her yet) Understandably, she had rashes on her buttocks so we bought diapers one size larger for better comfort.

5. Pain management. PCM and Calamine lotion are definitely not good enough. The paed give a mouth spray to ease the pain in the mouth but Pebbles hated the stinging sensation so we let her munch on ice. To keep her from scratching herself to frenzy, I used a small towel to gently scratch her. She was also in the tub of lukewarm water to soothe the pain every 3 hours on day 2&3. Cuddles are great too :-)

6. Patience. You need LOADS of this. Hubby is more patient than me but I had to be with Pebbles because he was busy with events back to back. So I had to deal with the incessant tears and whining plus I was under house arrest too. Solution? Take a deep breath and subscribe to Cartoon Network..he he he..seriously, Pebbles' vocabulary widened considerably after watching the cartoons and Mum got to watch some really nice ones too. Big fan of Doc McStuffins here! On a serious note, keep your child occupied with some activities. Your routine will be disrupted so take short naps to restore your energy.

Although Pebbles was diagnosed with the mild version of HFMD, it was nevertheless a harrowing experience for us. If you suspect your child having it, please get it checked right away. Then try dealing with it effectively but as fellow parents it is IMPERATIVE to ensure we are responsible enough to avoid it from spreading it to others by simply being mindful.

Pebbles is back to her bubbly and cheeky self. With all the ice intake, we are dealing with a case of flu now. Nothing that good old Sterimar can't solve. Thank God!

 

Pebbles taking a break after wrecking the house

Crossroads;Countdown to 35

I am turning 35 in a month's time and I find myself at a crossroad. Do I go back to full time employment or continue staying at home with Pebbles and do some freelance work?

I admit, I have kind of settled into a very slow paced life. I no longer have to wake up super early to get things done and slog at work for up to 14 hours and miss out a chunk of Pebbles' life. But at the same time, I am missing the creativity outlet that I can only obtain at work tremendously. So what do I do? If I were to list down the Pros and cons of the matter in hand, going back to work will win hands down. I mean what can trump a steady flow of income every month? But is it worth it?

The past 11 months since I quit my job, I had attended courses to acquire a new skill which is translation however I have yet to yield any substantial results from it. I am partly to be blamed as I don't dedicate myself in carving something great out of it. I feel like a 'Jack of all Trades and Master of None' Oh dear, what a dilemma?! And 24 hours is just not enough!

I feel turning 35 is a huge deal. It's a major milestone. Half of 70. I am married to a wonderful man and I have a loving child so why do I still feel empty? I read somewhere that work gives a sense of achievement and joy and I refuse to believe that a home maker is not a job. Honestly, I have learned how to strategize effectively when I became a SAHM as compared to the years I spent at work.

It is funny how the WFTM envy the SAHM and vice versa. There are pros and cons in everything I guess but honestly, I think WAHMs have the best package. They work from home to earn some extra cash and make use of their skills so that fulfils the sense of achievement and they can watch they kids grow which gives them joy.

So yeah, I really need to focus on becoming an effective freelancer to avoid having to entertaining such conflicting thoughts.

Here's to having a more meaningful life.

my sentiments, exactly!

image from Google

Kindness goes a long way in the journey of motherhood

My 17 year old teenager (OK,she is 17 months old but I swear she behaves like the former age) is headstrong and assertive as well as fiercely independent. As much as I admire those qualities in my child, sometimes I wished she would just be a kid and listens to her mother.

Pebbles 'descended' into the Terrible Two era rather prematurely at 14 months. Her progress was rapid and it was obvious that she was throwing tantrums simply because we could not understand her. I found it (still finding it) difficult to be a few steps ahead of her to avert any tragedies.

While I was holidaying with my mother, sisters and my baby niece, Pebbles threw the tantrum of her life. We were at a Chinese restaurant that was teeming with customers. Pebbles was hungry and tired and started wailing. Pippa and I took turns to comfort her but it didn't work until we gave her some ice cream. By then, everyone was looking at us and I was very embarrassed. I wished hubby was with me and I gently chided myself for being overly dramatic until I overhead a man telling his grown children that he was lucky his kids didn't cause a scene at public places. My heart shrivelled and I had no appetite to have my dinner. Later that night, Pebbles threw another round of tantrum and out of frustration, I smacked her leg in 3 quick successions which obviously did not help with the situation as she cried even louder. Eventually she slept off but I was overcome with mortification of what I did. I realized I reacted that way because of what the man said. I was deeply ashamed but I also knew that I was very tired and the fact that Pebbles chose the wrong time to act up did not help.

Fast forward a few days later, we three attended a wedding which ended with a lunch buffet. Having woken up earlier than usual, Pebbles was grumpy and insisted on eating by herself. Not wanting to make a mess and be embarrassed, I pleaded my hubby (who was hungry, poor thing) to take her away while I wolfed down my lunch and then I would look after her. A kind lady next to me said to let Pebbles eat by herself and it is okay if she messed up the place, the servers can help to clean. I was sweating profusely and my nose was blocked, my mind was telling me to eat quickly and I was praying hard that Pebbles would not break down but when the lady spoke to me gently, my heart soared. Her simple words touched my heart and I felt grateful. I was grateful for not being judged. I called my hubby and he came over with a rather flustered Pebbles. The kind lady continued talking to Pebbles in her lilting voice and she (thankfully) settled down and I even managed to feed her a few spoonfuls of food.

Her own kid was messing up the table and when I offered her some wipes she gently refused and said to save them for my own usage. She proceeded to talk about her kids, she has three while meticulously cleaned up the mess with her hands and a tissue. She even complimented my hubby for being supportive and helpful with Pebbles (I am blessed!)

She then left and I realized that I did not ask for her name! She may be a stranger but she made my day. The few minutes of conversation made me realize that kind words go a long way and I have resolved to pass it on.

Thank you sweet and kind lady. May God bless you always.

Image from Google

You'll be in my heart

Pebbles turned 17 months yesterday. My baby is growing up too fast. I found a phrase the other day that perfectly resonates my journey in motherhood; The days are long but the years are short. How true is that?! Pebbles now is a pro at giving bear hugs and sloppy, noisy kisses and also winking! I have no idea where she had learnt that from but she loves to wink and does it rather expertly.

Well life has become a little more routine now so I have a little more time (I would definitely have a lot more if I am just not so lazy!) So about yesterday, I was busy singing the ‘My Baby is 17 months old’ song that I forgot of another milestone.

As I was putting a rather defiant and squirmy Pebbles to sleep at 11.30pm, it suddenly occurred to me that April 11 marks the 100^th month of me and hubby being together! And I only realize that 30 minutes before a new day dawned (Since you are so good at math, you figure out when we hooked up..hehehe ) I felt bad for not doing anything special for him but I did cook dinner..wink wink

Hubby was surprised himself when I told him and he was sweet enough to come to bed earlier than he usually does (He loves channel surfing) So there we were in bed whispering sweet little nothings, marvelling at the fact that we have made it to 100 months and also counting our blessings which included Pebbles who was now was fast asleep and drooling onto her pillow (I don’t think I will ever have the elegant and poised daughter I dreamt of)

I stayed awake a little longer after he dozed off. After wandering how come he can sleep so quickly after talking to me but can stay up till very late to watch football and cricket on TV, I couldn’t help but smile at the sleeping person next to me whom I proudly call my husband.

My hubby is a very simple and straight forward man. He is sweet and understanding and extremely generous. The fact that we are total opposites keep our relationship fresh and exciting. But lately with the arrival of Pebbles, our relationship has taken a back seat as it would for many couples with children. Our number one priority is Pebbles. Although it is a norm, more and more studies are surfacing where there is a strong emphasis on maintaining and nurturing the relationship you have with your spouse because when the children leave the nest, you only have each other to lean on.

Being friends with your spouse is important and I am glad that my hubby and I have always been great friends. We can talk to each other about anything under the sun and laugh at as well as with each other. But nurturing a relationship is hard work and although we don’t argue much, we don’t talk much either due to work commitments, baby and also being too attached to technology; the idiot box and smartphones.

I know it is almost impossible to ‘bring back’ the glory of dating days but I am determined to bring some sparkle back to our relationship. It is good for both of us as well as for Pebbles who will thrive in a loving and affectionate environment. We may not be able to go on dates as often as we wish but there are many little thoughtful things we can do for each other and also together. The other day during our return trip from Ipoh, we played ‘Belaian Jiwa’ song by Innuendo on the YouTube and started singing it out loud. It was fun simply because we both love the song very much although we are tone deaf. It was a heartwarming moment.

The fact that he is wonderful to Pebbles is a bonus point. He is such a hands on father and readily takes her away so mummy gets some alone time. That thoughtful gesture alone is worth much more than any expensive gifts for me. Guys, always remember, you may not be the perfect couple for others but do ensure you are perfect for each other.

So dear Hubby, thank you for putting up with me for the past 100 months and here’s hoping you will hang in there for another few more hundreds. I love you very much and you'll be in my heart forever.

I heart this picture of us

How I am keeping my sanity intact while travelling with a toddler in the car

So you have bought the world’s most comfortable car seat, made sure you have scheduled your travelling plans around baby’s nap time, ensured her tummy is filled, she is in the best of moods, her favourite toys and snacks are packed but only to have your eardrums throb in pain just 10 minutes after you have started your car engine because of her wails.

If you have nodded your head vigorously after reading the first paragraph, I would like to cordially welcome you to my club which is called ‘My Baby Hates the Car Seat’. Pebbles absolutely loathes it. She will be in La La Land for good ten minutes before she turns into mini hulk as she tries to squirm her way out of it while screaming her head out. Her screams alone can win an Academy Award as they are really LOUD and can be used in any horror movies.

So I have tried all the tricks in the book to make her ‘journeys’ comfortable but they have failed MISERABLY. Therefore this post is for those who are in the same predicament as me. What do you do to maintain your sanity?

Firstly, DO NOT REMOVE the child from the car seat. An absolute NO. Once you do that, their cries will only get louder the next time they are strapped in because they know you will give in. The car seat is installed for your child’s safety so do not compromise with that.

Secondly, take a long deep breath. Although your child is wailing in the background, taking in long breaths would help to suppress the rising stress level and maintain a cool head.

Next, play your favourite song on the player. Crank up the volume and sing along. If you are not driving, just do some groovy moves with your hands. You would feel more relaxed and probably your baby would too. I can’t count the number of times, other drivers have caught me dancing like a mad woman in the car (Hubby was driving and I swear he acted as though he didn't know me)

However, if your baby or in my case toddler decides to be the only ‘sound provider’ in the car, turn the player off and be completely silent; you and whoever else is in the car with you. When you hear the slightest sound, just say ‘Sshh’ loudly, with your finger on your lips. Your child might think you are playing a game and will soon stop or even imitate you.

If baby  continues to wail, stretch your arm backwards (if you are sitting in the front) and place your hand on her chest, apply slight pressure and reassure her that you are there and everything is OK. This can only be done if you are not driving. Please don’t be a hero by  doing that with one hand on the steering wheel and the other on your baby’s chest!

Lastly, repeat this after me; “This too shall pass. Better days are ahead’. Trust me they are. Don’t let the mini dictator in the car seat defeat you! Pebbles is going to be 17 months old soon and the ‘civil war’ I have with her in the car seat is yet to end but I shall persevere!

And in the meantime, if you have smug parents and relatives who 'boast' about their angels in the car seat, go ahead and 'mentally' punch them. The key word is mentally, guys :)

Image from Google

Oh My Handphone

I am a self-professed hand phone addict. I can spend hours looking at my hand phone and it is a huge problem simply because:

1. I have an active 16 month old child. You know the golden rule? Silence is not good when you have a toddler?
2. I work from home. More hand phone time equals to less work. Darn!
3. The house doesn't clean on its own.

I used to be the person who checks her handphone the moment I am up. Nowadays I don’t look at it (except to check what time is it) until about 10 am (I am up at 7am) and I think that it is a great achievement. But my happiness is short lived because then I am hooked on it from then on till well late at night.

The moment I sit in the car, I will check my hand phone for updates in the following order; WhatsApp, Facebook and Instagram. I take pride in being updated with the latest news (more like gossips especially in WhatsApp) and happenings. Then I realised that car rides have become rather silent (only punctuated by cries from the baby seat hater a.k.a Pebbles) and I was not stopping to smell the roses.

The Cricket World Cup is going on and Hubby is literally glued to the television from 8pm-2am every day. One day I told him ‘I wish I was the TV so you can look at me all the time’ rather scornfully and to which he cleverly replied, 'Well I wish I was your hand phone so you can LOOK at me all the time!’ I was taken aback at the remark. In actual truth, taken aback does not really justify how I felt, the Malay word ‘Tersentap’ sounds more like it.

So before I slept that night, I was mulling over what he said and shamefully, I realised that he was right. My hand phone has literally become an extended limb of mine. I am CONSTANTLY looking at it and it has drastically reduced my ‘connectednes’ with my surroundings. I know I have written about hyperconnectedness some time ago, of which you can read here but sadly I did not practice what I preached.

So I have taken some baby steps to solve this issue. Like I mentioned, I don’t look at my hand phone for messages the moment I am up. I don’t look at it when I am in the car with my husband and Pebbles. I don’t look at it while watching a movie on TV and I don’t look at it while Pebbles play, instead I play with her (She is so great at make believe games)

People say that all these apps are supposed to bring people closer but in actual truth, it is driving us apart. So I am taking a pledge to reduce hand phone time and increase substantial quality time with people who matter. Who is in it with me?

Image from Google

Zootopia

I held a contest for the school-going nieces and nephews last December. They were supposed to write a 200 word essay on the most influential person in their life. Alas out of 6 only 3 responded so all three were rewarded. Two of them, D and H are in KL so I treated them to a movie and meal.

Although both wanted to watch Ola Bola, I managed to convince them to watch Zootopia instead simply because I was more keen to watch the animation. Ok guys, don't bite off my head, I will watch Ola Bola eventually to support the local movie everyone is raving about.

Needless to say, I LOVED Zootopia. It is a funny, fast paced and steeped with moral values kind of movie that every set of parents with kids should watch. I am not going to spoil the fun by revealing the plot but rather I am going to list down a few key messages I found in that movie.

1) ALWAYS believe in yourself
     Nobody but you MUST believe that you can do whatever you set your mind to do. Detractors are there in your life not to dampen your spirit but to toughen you up therefore be thankful to them.

2) Working very HARD is the key to success
     You have to have reasonable goals (reasonable? Go ahead and have OUTRAGEOUS ones) and work hard to achieve them

3) Do not 'HOVER OVER' your children.
    This message is exclusively for over protective parents. It is imperative to let your children follow their dreams. It is difficult to let them go but do it with a loving heart and (LOTS of) prayers.

4) NEVER underestimate a person's strength
    We are not GOD so never judge. A small person doesn't mean he/she is weak and likewise, a big person is not always strong.

5) NEVER EVER stereotype those around you
    I think this is the key message in this movie. Like I said, I don't want to reveal the plot but when you watch it, you will know it right away. Sadly, stereotyping people according to race, gender, body size etc is the norm now. It is imperative to know that we are all belong to the human race and we come in all shapes, colours, sizes, beliefs and cultures. We need to strive to live harmoniously in the only home we have, Earth.

Although it is a show about animals, it very much resonates with us humans. For movie addicts like me, you will be able to relate some of the characters to the iconic movies such as Godfather (sorry, an itsy bitsy spoiler alert) It was also heart warming to see the cinema packed with more adults than children (it was during the school holidays!) because adults are beginning to realize that animations are worth watching in the cinema too. I wonder when Hubby is going to get that revelation? :P

So please do watch it and I guarantee you will fall in love with the characters especially Flash the Sloth (oops, sorry again)

image from Google

Pronunciation

What do you do when someone you know, mispronounces a word? Do you correct him or her immediately or do you just keep quiet? As for myself, I (in most instances) correct them simply because it was pronounced wrongly and they should know the right way of pronouncing it.

However many a times, they often feel offended when the correction is done. My question is, why do you need to be offended? It is all part of learning process. I suppose when the 'corrector' does it in a condescending manner, the corrected's ego is bruised hence the feeling of being offended arises.

The solution is pretty easy. When you hear someone mispronouncing a word, gently pronounce the word correctly. DO NOT make fun of the person and tell the whole world of the small little insignificant boo-boo. If the person gets defensive, GENTLY explain that the word is pronounced in such way. If they are still all angry and defensive, BACK AWAY. There is no point arguing over the silly thing or do what I do. Google to find out the right pronunciation and feel all smug that you are right. At the same time, if you are wrong ADMIT it.

Now for the person who is getting corrected, there is no harm in learning from mistakes. The world doesn't end just because you mispronounced the word(s). Be the better person by saying 'Oh is that how that word is pronounced? Thank you' Just take it as a lesson so you would not be potentially embarrassed when you mispronounce the word in the presence of different groups of people i.e superiors, strangers or worse a person you want to impress! Again, there is no point being all defensive when you are corrected. If you are not satisfied, just turn to our trusted buddy Mr.Google and find out. Be gracious if you are wrong and if you are right, don't gloat. Show the person the reference and guaranteed you both would have a good laugh over it amidst learning something new.

I remember mispronouncing the word rebel which I used in the context as a verb. Although the spelling is the same, the noun is rebel but the verb is pronounced as 'ribel'. The person who corrected me made fun of me in front of my friends and I was very ashamed so that is why I swore I would not make fun of anyone else in the same predicament. I do correct people but I strive to do it in a tactful manner and why I am doing it is to do them a favour and not to appear as some Ms.Know-it-All.I have been told off not to correct them but I gently tell them it is important to speak and pronounce words properly and correctly as communication is an important tool in any kind of relationships. At the same time, I am totally cool to be corrected as I am open to learning however it has be done tactfully for I am a human after all :) OK OK I am plain sensitive.. Hehehe

So dear correctors and corrected, there is enough problems in the world so let's strive to be amicable when a mispronounciation happens! Here's to speaking the language correctly. Cheers!

Image from Google

A Love Story

We concluded the one month prayer for my Father-in-Law on Sunday February 28, 2016. A memorial book was published for him and I had contributed an article of which I wish to share here.

I once asked ‘I wonder how would anyone subject themselves to arranged marriages?! To marry a stranger and be with his/her family?!’ An advocate of love marriages, Suren and I dated for 6 years before we got married in 2013 and during those years, I was already fraternizing with the family to ‘ease’ my way into the Indrans’ household.

My perception changed when I started to get to know my parents in law, a successful alliance which was a product of arranged marriage. Both hardly knew each other prior to the wedding but the fact that Uncle Indran was Uncle Kuna’s (Aunty Archee’s older brother) good friend contributed to the strong recommendation that sealed the proposal.

Although they started off their relationship as strangers, they grew closer over the years and remained very much in love till Uncle Indran’s last days. The flamboyant and charming Indran was a perfect match to the sweet and endearing Archee.

Many who know this couple would perceive Uncle Indran as the dominant one in the relationship but the truth is although Uncle Indran was the head of the family, Aunty Archee was the neck that moved the head. Uncle Indran used to joke that he may be a Major but he always thought that he was the General and Aunty was the Major simply because he made all the general decisions in their lives and she did the major ones.

As long as I can remember, these two were inseparable. Uncle Indran only eats if Aunty Archee serves him and they ALWAYS ate together be it at home or at a party. At any functions, when Uncle Indran will be holding court, Aunty Archee can be seen giggling softly right next to him.

Uncle was always teasing her and she will slap his thigh playfully in return. I have often caught them sitting right next to each other in their own thoughts but looking blissfully happy. There was never a day, Uncle would not call  ‘Archee!’ out loud simply because he needs to have her by his side which she happily obliges.

Aunty Archee loves flowers and he made sure he gets them for her whenever he can. Aunty once told me that while they were travelling from Penang to Johor, he had stopped his car to pick some wild flowers for her. How romantic is that?! Unlike most men, Uncle Indran remembered important dates such as their registration day and wedding day and was the one who reminded her.

Although uncle was unwell and aunty took care of him, he was always watching out for her too. Ensuring she had enough rest and food, uncle enjoys nagging her and she basked in his concerns with her usual smiles. They were truly made for each other.

Suren told me that he had never seen his parents argue in front of him and his siblings. All disagreements were deliberated in private between them. Uncle Indran valued aunty’s opinions and this proved to be pivotal in the success of their marriage.

They were each other’s strongest cheerleader. Uncle Indran’s illustrious life was made possible with the love and support he derived from Aunty Archee. She was a contented woman because he encouraged her to pursue her interests. The dedication towards their relationship and the devotion they shared towards each other provided the basis of a happy home for their children.

My most treasured moments with Uncle Indran were meal times when he would be regaling me with stories of his army life. Sometimes he would slip tips on how to sustain a happy and harmonious married life. He emphasized on being each other’s pillar of strength and whenever something is ‘broken’, fix it not throw it. Be it a love or arranged marriage, when you apply this in your relationship with your spouse, a happy married life is guaranteed.

For the last few months, when uncle was at the hospital, she was by his side 24/7. Uncle himself had to reassure her that he was fine for her to go out for a while to get some fresh air. When he had to be in the ICU and she could not stay with him, she reluctantly followed us home only after Suren promised her that he would bring her back to the hospital early next morning. When uncle’s situation worsened, she put on a brave front as not to worry him but Uncle Indran was well aware of his situation but acted as though he did not know anything as not to worry her. This simple act of sparing each other’s feelings in my opinion is an act of true love.

When uncle slipped into unconsciousness and was being wheeled into the ICU, she clung to him and said ‘Darling’ repeatedly as tears coursed down her cheeks. When they told her that they needed to rush, she added ever so softly ‘I love you’ as she stroked his hair. That was when my vision was blurred by my own tears. It was too much to bear.

The family kept vigil at the waiting lounge that day but the hospital was kind enough to let Aunty Archee be by his side. At that point, his blood pressure was dropping steadily. I went in to see Uncle Indran before I went home. My heart ached when I saw Aunty Archee lying on his shoulder and gently stroking his arm, only stopping to give him small kisses on his hand. As much as I wanted uncle to be released from the pain he was suffering from, I wanted him to hold on a little longer for her to come to terms that her one and only love was going away. Eventually, he held on and was even responding by moving his head and arm whenever anyone spoke to him. That small window of miracle gave us chance to say our good byes and when he breathed his last, Aunty Archee said ‘Go in peace, darling’ That scene will be etched in my mind for the rest of my life.

To lose your husband who is your best friend, your lover and confidant is definitely one of the hardest things a woman has to go through. The depth of love they have for each other is immeasurable and those who know them have nothing but deep admiration for them on the commitment they both share.

Young ladies have always wanted to marry a man like Lord Rama who was believed to love one woman only, Sita and was devoted to her but I am convinced Uncle Indran was more than Lord Rama to Aunty Archee just as she was more than Sita for Uncle Indran. This is the kind of love story that warms your heart and makes you believe in soul mates and true love.

Although Uncle Indran is no longer with us, we would just need to summon a fond memory of him to relive the happy moments and I am convinced Aunty Archee has a lifetime of loving and fond memories of her darling to sustain her.

Uncle, your love story is inspiring, it will be a tough act to follow.

They loved to dance

Support System

I can't believe that I have not written for more than 3 weeks. I have been busy shuttling back and forth to Hospital as my father in law was hospitalised. And alas he passed away last Friday. It was indeed a very sad day for all of us.

The image of my mother in law pining for him will forever be etched in my mind. He let out his last breath surrounded by his family. After that the day passed by quickly as we had to rush back to Melaka to start on funeral arrangements. 

As the family went through the motion, I took a step back to observe the support system that delicately carried the family through the difficult time. 

Family and friends offered cash, kind words and food without having to ask. Some sat and held our hands, some hugged us tightly as we sobbed uncontrollably and others proceeded to share funny stories of my father in law to lighten the sombre mood.Aunty N came to give my mother in law a very tight hug and offered her condolences.

My sisters; Hazel and Pippa were with my husband at the mortuary comforting him as he cried and Pippa came to Melaka to take care of Pebbles while I was by my hubby's side. My parents came over from Ipoh on the eve of the funeral to lend some moral support and even Tara came over from Kuantan to pay her last respects. I love my family!

My father in law was a popular man and was loved by many. My SIL and I together crafted an obituary to best describe him and many were happy with it. We received so many wreaths and his send off was done in military style. It was poignant and left no one with dry eyes.

I followed my hubby to the crematorium and my heart ached when I saw him kissing his dad for the last time. He has lost his dad the person he looks up to and his heart was breaking.

The next day they collected their father's ash and before they poured it into the sea, they huddled around the urn and that was another sad moment. All of us took turns to throw some flowers into the sea along with the ash and I made a silent prayer to take extra care of my in laws.

My hubby and I have decided to take a month's leave and stay in Melaka to keep his mum company. Although she is very sad and is still crying, she seems to feel contented having little Pebbles running around. I suppose the family will take time to heal as well.

Family and friends continue to join us in prayers and offering food whenever they can. Every day, my mother in law is fielding phone calls from relatives who are overseas. The calls are helping her to assuage the pain she is feeling from the loss of her partner.

These past few days have taught me how imperative it is to maintain positive relationships with people around you at all time. We will never know when we need their shoulders to lean against in moments of distress.

From the bottom of our hearts, we thank you and appreciate the love and respect shown to the family. God Bless

Rest in Peace, Uncle Indran

To comfort

Certain situations allow us to know ourselves better. The recent incident of my father in law getting admitted to the hospital as his health deteriorated, made me realize that I suck at comforting people.

My mother in law was understandably inconsolable. Her whole world revolves around her husband. Seeing him emaciated was a blow to her. So there she was sitting in the corner in the waiting lounge while her tears coursed down her cheeks in silent. And what was I doing? Her younger daughter in law? I just sat next to her. I said nothing and did nothing. I was feeling numb inside. In order to avoid fearing the worst, I have acquired the skill of not feeling and thinking anything not even the positive thing.

My heart on the other hand was telling me to comfort my mother in law. 'Say something' 'Hold her hand' but my head said 'No!' Best not to say anything foolish and make her sadder. So there I was torn inside while my mother in law sat staring at the blank space.

Out of the blue, a lady appeared and embraced my mother in law. Aunty N is a family friend and her husband was admitted in the same hospital. When she heard about my father in law's condition, she sought out for my mother in law.

I couldn't hear what they were talking but I saw my mother in law crying in Aunty N's arms while she stroked her and spoke in a firm voice.

My husband then introduced me to her son who was his friend as well. While we were trading stories about our respective kids, Aunty N approached us and told my hubby that we needed to be strong. Her exact words after that were ' Don't manifest and foresee' Those words struck a chord within me. My father in law may be weak and his reports did not look promising but he was still here and we needed to avoid fearing the worst.

I knew then God sent Aunty N to us to pass this message and that night we held a prayer rally for my father in law and by God's grace, the very next day his condition improved and is still continuing to improve.

I met Aunty N again the next day. Her husband was in the operation theater undergoing a procedure but she still sought out my mother in law and continued to comfort her. She advised us to pray and that's the best we can do. She even added that God made her and my mother in law meet because He wanted them to comfort each other. And she commented on how some people go on lamenting why they needed to suffer (You know, the universal 'Why me?! question) to which she simply answered 'Why not?' and continued saying that 'One is not special to be spared of hardship'. Which is true because God doesn't test us unless he knows we can endure it. Deep, huh?

Aunty N spoke in a simple manner but her messages were powerful. My mother in law seems a little less worried now. She seems more determined to get her husband out of the hospital at the soonest. When she is not talking, I find her reciting some mantras. Although my father in law is still in the hospital, he is out of the woods and we are convinced he is on the road to recovery albeit a long one.

We are truly grateful to meet the wonderful Aunty N. She made us realize how important is it to send out the right messages to the universe so we get the results we want.

God works in mysterious ways and he gave us Aunty N to put us on the right perspective when we thought the future seemed bleak. Most importantly, she has taught me to learn how to comfort people and to say the right things. It doesn't matter if they want to hear it or not, it is my job to deliver the message since giving is always way better than receiving, right?

Thank you Aunty N and may god bless you always.

Image from Google

Procrastination

I read sometime ago in Facebook that procrastination leads to heart diseases. Gasp! I am the Queen of all procrastinators. Writing these two sentences are already making my heart palpitate.

Apparently, procrastination magnifies stress, reduces performance and leads to poor health. Oh man, not good news at all. If you mull over this logically, it makes sense. When you put off doing something till the very last minute, your stress levels shoot up and that affects you badly.

So what's the solution? We first need to get rid of the negative mentality which means saying a big fat 'No' to two major debilitating thoughts such as:

1. I can't do this.

Solution: Take a deep breath. Free your mind of ANY thoughts. Take one step at a time. Write down your strategies or go over them in your head. It doesn't matter that you are doing it at a slower pace but at least you are doing it. You become more concious of it when you do it this way so there would be no room for mistake.

I applied this technique when I started driving to my classes. As you know, I hate to drive. The sheer thought of it makes my heart race. When I had no choice but to drive, I had to implement some techniques to calm my nerves and the above helped. I always map out the route in my mind before driving so I am prepared if unexpected things happen such as heavy rain or unbelievable traffic. And also I believe that I am the only driver in this world who keeps glancing at the rear and side mirrors every other minute :)

2. I don't think I can do it

Solution: Take a deep breath (again) and just do it (Nike has that right)

I had this mentality for years when it came to cooking. I just didn't think I had it in me that I can cook. I rather read a book instead of slaving at the kitchen but that thought changed when one find day, I found myself in the kitchen fixing something to eat. I was lazy to buy food from the nearby restaurant so I grilled some chicken and vegetables instead. It tasted fine and since then I have been cooking some really simple meals which are way healthier compared to food from the outside. Even hubby is shocked when he catches me watching some cook shows on the television.

Procrastination is Evil and we should do away with it. Take the first step to eradicate this nasty behaviour because remember, the journey of a thousand mile begins with a single step.

Good luck!

Entry inspired by Travis Bradberry's article on 'How to make yourself work when you're not in the mood'

Say No to this!

Image from Google