Heamaashini Nadarajah Jason spent many hours interviewing her aunts and uncles as well as her cousins and other extended family members to collect stories a great woman she calls Paati. It is not easy to weave a story about someone who is so dear and loved by all by piecing together so many recollections and memories of her. This is her labour of love for her dear paati.
‘Shamu! Shamu!’
called Bibi, the Punjabi neighbour to No. 291, Kampong Basong, Kuala Kangsar.
‘Saya ada bawak surat anak dari London. Mana Appu? Suruh dia baca’. Appu
dutifully took the letter and read aloud to his mother’s good friend. The ‘Kampong’
also housed two other good friends – Muthamma and Valli. Growing up, Shamu was always
portrayed as a shy and quiet person but soon made fast friends with these
wonderful women. They formed a lifelong friendship in the ‘Kampong’ and over
the years their children became childhood friends. Shamu then became Shambu
amma.
Allamellu had 9 grown children of her own and because of the small age gap, instead of calling Sampurnam; Athey, they all referred to her as Akka. Over time they became a big yet close knit family. When Allamellu and Periathamby passed away, as the only living relative in the country, Nadeson and Sampurnam stayed connected and continued their duty as mama and attey.
Sampurnam was a dutiful and respectful wife and although they lived through modest means, she managed the household cleverly using firewood and gas light. They were blessed with 9 healthy children; 3 boys and 6 girls – Avalli, Thambiyah, Mani, Baba, Appu, Lale, Mala, Ushah and Jayn. Sampurnam remained quiet in nature, sweet, patient and loving to each and every one of her children who had different yet distinctive traits. She cooked and cleaned all through her life and bustled about from the early hours through late nights without a sigh.
The longest lived-in daughter in law was Selvi, having spent 29 years with Sampurnam. They lived in harmony at No.291 as they got accustomed to each other and fell naturally into the dutiful task as wives to their loving husbands. Sampurnam always woke up at 6 a.m., bathed and mixed a pot of coffee before heading out to sweep the dry leaves off the porch. She would then pluck flowers and performed the morning prayers before starting to make breakfast. One of her famous recipes is the thengga paal appam that she made in a tiny wok. She grated her coconut using the wooden coconut grater. She also made very tasty surul appam. Sampurnam would then serve her husband breakfast. Both mother in law and daughter in law always sat and ate their meals together after the entire family has eaten. Her daily life involved reading the Malaysian Nanban and Makkal Osai, helping Selvi out at the kitchen, watching tamil serials such as Annamalai and Chitthi, folding clothes, evening prayers, reading the tamil magazines such as Thendral and Vaanam Badi before dozing off around 11 p.m. Sampurnam always served her husband for all the meals as he preferred it that way.
All 6 daughters were blessed as their mother Sampurnam took care of them lovingly whenever they delivered their children. She had bathed all her grandchildren and cooked for her daughters during the confinement period. Despite being slender, she would expertly manoeuvre the ammi and thosai kalle to cook for her daughters. She was there to support them during their confinement period and helped to look after them and their babies. She was always obliging as she puts the others’ needs before hers.
Her oldest son in law - Kandasamy, a man who loves his own mother
tenderly always made sure his wife called and visited her own mother fequently.
He always made sure that both his mother and mother in law were treated equally
with love and respect. When both Sampurnam and Nadeson came to Nibong Tebal to
stay, the second son in law Raman took excellent care of both of them. He loved
and respected them both very much and the respect was mutual as Raman was a
dignified and a man of his words. His brother was the third son in law – Appu.
Her third son in law always regarded her as the best mother in law.
Her fourth son in law Jeya always said she was quiet but pleasant and
was always motherly. He is indebted to her for willing to travel over 600 km
with Nadeson to care for his daughters when they were babies. His brother
Indran was the fifth son in law and he loved Sampurnam very much. To him, she
was always so humble and kind. The youngest son in law Bala always said he was
blessed to have Sampurnam as his second mother.
In May 2004, the third daughter Lale
lost her husband. Both Nadeson and Sampurnam were there to lend their moral
support as she struggled through the tough time with her two young daughters. Tragedy
then struck again in August 2010 when Nadeson passed away after a brief
illness. She was only 87 but having spent a huge chunk of her life with her
husband; 71 years of marriage, his death was a big blow. He was 95. She then
had to get used to living without having him next to her but she soldiered on.
As she was residing in Nibong Tebal, she formed deep relationships with her grandchildren
and great grandchildren and it was a joy as one saw it as love, friendship and
respect. From tending to her grandbabies, Sampurnam had the opportunity to tend
to her great grandbabies as well. She even bathed them in the traditional way
of sitting on a low stool, having the baby on her stretched out legs while
bathing the baby.
Having spent her life busily tending to her growing family, Sampurnam finally had the chance to enjoy the simple pleasures of life. She was taken to the cinema to watch Katthi, went to Batu Ferringhi beach, stayed in a hotel and enjoyed her first hotel breakfast. She even experienced her first pedicure. She was a good sport and nothing fazed her although life whizzed by quickly. Despite her age, Sampurnam was a liberal thinking woman because when some of her grandchildren wanted to marry non-Hindus, she had no objections but advised them to ensure the person is good, responsible and takes care of the future spouse because that is all that mattered.
Despite some bleakness, life went on for Sampurnam punctuated with happy events such as weddings and births. However, she lost both her sons consecutively; Baba in 2018 and Thambiyah in 2019. Their passing took a toll on her as she never once thought she would outlive any of her children. She often said no matter the age, when your child dies, your heart breaks. No mother should ever go through this phase in their life. She relived memories of them by talking often about them and her life in Kuala Kangsar.
In December 2019, her eldest son in law passed away. Unable to travel long distance, Sampurnam felt bad that she could not be with her daughter but kept tabs on her through her other daughters. She was low in spirits so a few months later, her youngest daughter Jayn took her on a road trip along with her other two sisters; Mani and Lale back to Kuala Kangsar to cheer her up. The journey was video recorded and it was a jolly ride. They went down memory lane as they visited No. 291, and Valli’s children together with her brother’s family at Kenas Road.
Sampurnam had a special bond with each and every one of her children as they were very different from one another. Her eldest daughter – Avalli – was very much like a close friend as Sampurnam was only 18 when she had her. Thambiyah was her pillar of strength and even though he had migrated to Australia in the 70’s, he made a point to visit her annually up till 2017. Baba the charming son was always the one with a great sense of humour and generous with his hugs. Mani her second daughter was her confidante as they stayed together. Lale was the strict and honest daughter but loved her family fiercely and like her mother, she tended to the unwell selfessly. Appu was her youngest son and the closest to his mother. He lived with her after getting married and so did his children. Unlike her other daughters, Mala was spared from doing any household chores as she was always busy beautifying herself. She was also the one who always bought her trinkets. Usha was the shy and clingy daughter. Whenever there were sleepovers at No. 290, she would be scared of the dark and sounds of the night and always ended up going back to her mother in the middle of the night. She took her mother to all her hospital appointments. The youngest, Jayn was the sporting and hype daughter who took her out in car rides, told her jokes and took selfies and videos. Sampurnam always advised her children to be patient and tolerant and that caring for people should be of utmost importance. Remembering her advice, her children took good care of her during her last days.
As in any big family, events occur rather frequently and Sampurnam always made sure she would participate in them. From being there when any of her grandchildren were born to 16-day prayers, baby naming ceremony, ear piercing, head balding, coming of age ceremony, engagements, civil registrations, nallangu, muhurtha kaal to kalyanam and not forgetting birthdays, anniversaries, wedding receptions and even funerals she was present, lending her positive aura. She has gone to Penang, Perak, Selangor, Melaka, Kedah, Terengganu, Kelantan and even to Perth,Australia.
Sampurnam will remain sorely missed by her children, sons in law, daughters in law, nieces, nephews, grandchildren, grandchildren in law, great grandchildren, great grandchildren in law, great great grandchild and family friends for a very long time.
Her needs were very simple as she took interest in her children and grandchildren’s lives, always enquiring and giving advice when asked. Her personality was grounded, warm and motherly. The lessons she taught us and the values she stands for as she lived based on love, compassion, empathy, trust and respect. We have said our goodbyes but her values remain in our daily lives. She now lives in our hearts with warm and beautiful memories.
She lived a full and complete life in its entirety. Just like her name; Sampurnam.
Curated & Written by Heamaashini
Nadarajah Jason
