I had taken down that post since it caused too much of stress although that is the only post that had over 15k views! I wrote a sequel but I never posted it so I thought I should do it now. I have learned a lot over the year, about myself and the others around me. My husband till today is my strongest supporter with regards to this matter. The reason I thought I should post it now is beacuse although the first part caused so much of stress and pain and hurt, the second write up reflected my bravery in standing up to what I believed in. I just didn't post it as I didn't want to ruffle some feathers.So here goes...
What is more exciting than
Christmas which is around the corner? A sequel to my drama, of course. As any
sequels go, it could be better or even worse than the first part. So take out
the popcorns and let’s find out.
For those who read my previous
post about my sister’s ordeal may think that I have an army behind me rallying
for justice now. YOU ARE WRONG! I don’t deny there were some who were
sympathetic and empathetic but mostly were taking the whole story, which in my
defence was a personal rant not an official complaint to the Ministry of
Health, out of context and that made me view them as pathetic. But then again,
everyone has a right to their opinion.
I was called a delusional, whiny,
a writer of a story with so many inconsistencies and loop holes and my personal
favourite ‘A-disgrace-to-the-non-muslims’(wow that’s rich) As family and
friends began to share my story, more people began to read it and more people
began to comment, more bad than good comments, I must add. It was mind
boggling. Again, everyone has a right to their opinion.
At a platform, someone mentioned
that it would have been better to communicate with the people concerned e.g HOD
or Hospital Director and my good friend replied ‘I disagree. This issue concerns the public. And the public should
know what’s going on in government hospitals that are supposed to serve the
general community, which is made up of mostly middle class and working class
folks’ Harsh? Maybe to some but think about it. If I had lodged a complaint
at the hospital, I would have been informed that it was standard protocol and
the hospital was merely following its policy. Because I came across a platform
where many readers who you can guess are medical professionals commented that
the whole process was on point and there was no sign of medical mismanagement.
They would have apologized, of course. But if you take a minute and read my
write up again, I neither mentioned the hospital, my sister’s details nor the
medical personnel’s details. Why? I was not seeking for an apology,
compensation or a damage control exercise, I just wanted to share my experience.
I was accused of being crude in my write up, having distorted expectations and
adding spices to my story. Again, it was a personal rant not an official
complaint hence the flow of language will be different plus it is my blog la,
why tell me how to write it? I was not seeking for fame (trust me, don’t even
have an ounce of it). My write up became somewhat viral and reached the authorities
and ruffled their feathers and that I must stress was beyond my control.
So what was my objective of the
write up? I was just unhappy with the system and processes that are in place
and I was hoping we could make a difference. And if a small group of readers
who has read my write up began to reassess their birth plans based on reading
my experience, I would be happy. Some of the comments were along these lines:
‘If you wanted to be treated like a Queen, you should go to the private
hospital’
‘You pay peanuts. What do you expect?’
And another reader retorted ‘Does that mean you need to have money for a
respectful birth care?!’ That hit me hard and got me thinking. We are in an
era where everything is accessible with a touch of a button all for the sake of
comfort and convenience but why are we still in the dark ages when it comes to
having our babies in a calm and serene manner? Why do we need to spend so much
of money in Private Hospitals when Government Hospitals are teeming with highly
experienced and incredibly skilled medical personnel? What actually puts us
off? In my opinion, (again it is my PERSONAL opinion) It’s the lack of
humanizing services which stems from interpersonal skills that DO NOT need
funding to cultivate. Change begins within you. If you choose to be more
proactive, to be an effective communicator and take the effort to practice the
values that define your work place, why would a patient have distorted
expectations? I was informed that our country’s maternal and fetal health care
is better than in the UK. That’s awesome news but don’t you see that there are still
many areas to improve in?
I am not championing Private
Hospitals. A reader commented that ‘government
hospitals value lives, private hospitals value money’. Where is that coming
from la? Both hospitals have experienced medical personnel with a wealth of
knowledge and both have its pros and cons. I was asked why my sister opted to
do VBAC at a government hospital. My question back was ‘Why not?’ She did her
research and chose the government hospital. She understood the availability of
facilities and services yet she underwent an unfortunate ordeal. To blame us
for not doing enough research before deciding where to go was an unfair
statement. She was a victim of miscommunication in terms of pain management
plan and having her husband with her. And that is what I am championing, an
effective communication process from all channels. I have friends and family
members who had wonderful experience having their babies in the government
hospitals and also some who had bad experience in private hospitals. So there
are pros and cons in everything.
While Australia is celebrating
for the legalization of same sex marriages and Pink is promoting genderless
parenting, this unknown Malaysian is only championing for a calm and respectful
birth care. Childbirth is a humbling experience. A child is made by two persons
so shouldn’t that two persons be involved in its birth as well? A proper pain
management plan is an added bonus. Of course a father may not want to be with
the mother during birth for various reasons and a mother may want to deliver
her baby without any drugs (I kow-tow to you, woman). The bottom line is, they
should decide this birth plan and it has to be aligned with the hospital policy
of which needs to be updated to them at primary healthcare level. When a mother
goes through a positive child birth experience, the subsequent journey is
guaranteed to be a smooth one which is good for the family’s wellbeing. All this should be achieved without having to
spend so much of money. I understand the constraints some hospitals face in
terms of facilities in accommodating the husband in the labour room and the
process involved in pain management plan. But please find a way to let the
public know. Educate expectant mothers on what should they expect when they
step into a hospital to deliver their babies so they can make sound decisions.
A wise woman said, ‘You can’t
beat the system’ I asked back ‘Why not?’ The answer was it’s the way things
are. Are they? Gandhi said ‘Be the Change You Want to See’ so expectant
parents, if you are not getting what you want, if your expectations are not
being met and you are just not happy with the system, step up and be proactive.
Work harder in getting the right answers. Have all the details of the available services
and facilities to be mentally prepared. Share it with other family and friends
as sharing is caring. My sister thought she did but it was not enough.
Likewise, the medical fraternity
should take this as a constructive feedback. Someone said I have to be in the
system to understand what is going on but wouldn’t you get more sound
suggestion by someone who is looking in from the outside? I understand now that
different hospitals have different policies but how about conducting a study on
best case practices among the GHs in Malaysia or other hospitals in Southeast
Asia. Simple and inexpensive methods like putting up a board with patients’
updates and getting the nurses to update the family on hourly basis without
being asked go a long way. You may be doing it already or about to embark to. I
wouldn’t know. What I have personally gained from this fiasco is I have learned
a lot about how the system works. But what about the next unassuming person?
How do we educate the rest so we don’t have grievances aired in the open? The
answer is so simple; Effective Communication Skill. My former boss always says
‘Knowledge is Power’ and that is what I believe in too. We have to empower more
people with the knowledge. And this is my aspiration; one should not spend
extra money to have a comfortable birth care.
So that was the main intention of
my write up earlier, to highlight was is lacking. I am not going to apologize
for the way I wrote it and also where I shared it. It’s my prerogative. I am
fully accountable to what I do. But what I want to reiterate is I didn’t mean
to hurt people or any organizations with my write up. Sometimes when you see
something unfavourable on social media, take a step back and read it from a
different angle. ONLY VERY FEW people understood it was a frustration of a
sister over her sister’s ordeal and I am thankful for their emotional support. Just
this morning, I received a call from a friend who is a doctor who actually
thanked me for the feedback. It was like the light at the end of the tunnel for
me like finally someone sees it!
There, I have done my part. I not
only ranted, I gave some sound suggestions too. Now I am going to sit back and
mentally drink some chilled Somersby beers after all the drama as I was asked
to ‘Chill la’ when I shared some unbelievable remarks from the readers with my
family members.
Again, this is my personal blog so I write whatever I want and how ever I like and I am so darn proud of my write up :)
