Crossroads;Countdown to 35

I am turning 35 in a month's time and I find myself at a crossroad. Do I go back to full time employment or continue staying at home with Pebbles and do some freelance work?

I admit, I have kind of settled into a very slow paced life. I no longer have to wake up super early to get things done and slog at work for up to 14 hours and miss out a chunk of Pebbles' life. But at the same time, I am missing the creativity outlet that I can only obtain at work tremendously. So what do I do? If I were to list down the Pros and cons of the matter in hand, going back to work will win hands down. I mean what can trump a steady flow of income every month? But is it worth it?

The past 11 months since I quit my job, I had attended courses to acquire a new skill which is translation however I have yet to yield any substantial results from it. I am partly to be blamed as I don't dedicate myself in carving something great out of it. I feel like a 'Jack of all Trades and Master of None' Oh dear, what a dilemma?! And 24 hours is just not enough!

I feel turning 35 is a huge deal. It's a major milestone. Half of 70. I am married to a wonderful man and I have a loving child so why do I still feel empty? I read somewhere that work gives a sense of achievement and joy and I refuse to believe that a home maker is not a job. Honestly, I have learned how to strategize effectively when I became a SAHM as compared to the years I spent at work.

It is funny how the WFTM envy the SAHM and vice versa. There are pros and cons in everything I guess but honestly, I think WAHMs have the best package. They work from home to earn some extra cash and make use of their skills so that fulfils the sense of achievement and they can watch they kids grow which gives them joy.

So yeah, I really need to focus on becoming an effective freelancer to avoid having to entertaining such conflicting thoughts.

Here's to having a more meaningful life.

my sentiments, exactly!

image from Google

A plea for the soon to be wedded Hindu couple

The wedding season is over for the year. I meant for the Indian community as the Marghazli month has dawned upon us. This is the month the priests will be super busy with temple festivals amidst combating the monsoon season in India (So that is why Hindu weddings are not conducted during the Marghazli month which is technically from Dec 16-Jan 13).

I have attended a number of weddings this year partly because I love weddings (and I was invited to them, duh)and also wedding planning is something what my husband and I do as well. What I have observed throughout this year is that many of the brides and grooms had demanded to cut short the rituals in the name of having a simple wedding.

Unlike the weddings of other races, the Hindu wedding is conducted in the ancient language of India which is Sanskrit and obviously most of us do not speak the language any more thus the problem of not understanding the rituals involved. Therefore many of the soon to be wedded couple decide to forgo some rituals to give way for more time for photography sessions and also entertainment for the guests.

It saddens me when many of them demand to have a 'simple' wedding but spend so much of money on the venue, decorations, entertainment and other things by being oblivious to the fact that the Hindu wedding is steeped with so much blessings for the newlyweds.

A Hindu wedding celebrates the fact that it takes a village to raise a child thus the rituals always involve the uncles and aunties of the intended bride and groom. Each ritual from the coconut breaking to getting the blessings from the parents signify the importance of family ties and values particularly respect.

One of my favourite pastimes is watching wedding videos on YouTube ( I call that doing research for wedding planning) so the other day, I came across a wedding video of a mixed race couple. The bride is an Indian and the groom is a Mat Salleh. He looked dashing in the traditional attire and even his parents wore them too. He was at ease throughout the ceremony and my heart beamed with pride when he fulfilled a ritual called the 'Patham Pooja' It is a ritual where the bride and groom would respectively washed their parents' feet and receive their blessings. It is a poignant ritual as it signifies their eternal gratitude for raising them and conducting the wedding. So this white dude happily did the ritual and looked up at his parents with both palms together in the universal greeting and his parents smiled at him proudly. I doubt they understood the meaning of the ritual but they did understand the importance of it and took part in it without any qualms. When it was the bride's turn, her mother clung to her husband and sobbed because it was evident that she felt overwhelmed with happiness that her daughter was getting married and will be leaving the nest soon. Having watched that particular scene warms my heart because I know a couple who did not want to have this ritual because they wanted to save time. Seriously?!!

I find it incredibly silly when couples refuse to prostrate before their parents or any other elderly people. They deem it as an act of submissiveness when in actual fact it emphasizes respect and humility. Please get your facts right, people. It irks me when they say 'No way I would fall at their feet. Why should I?' I always have the strong urge to smack their heads when they say that.

Did you know that besides the part when the Thali is tied, another significant ritual for the bride is the 'Kanyathanam'? This is when the parents of the bride will give away their daughter to the groom and his family while the priest chants the mantra which basically means, 'Dude,I am giving you my daughter, you and your family better treat her like one of your own' (Of course the actual words are far more polite than what I have written) I always tear at this part of the ceremony.

It's true that the marriage is far more important than the wedding itself (wise words from my sister in law, SIL No.1) however most of us only marry once in our lifetime so why don't we strive to have a wholesome one? Instead of spending hours mulling over the colour theme, food testing, types of jewellery etc, do research on the wedding you will be having specifically the significance of the rituals. Ask the elderly people in your life or you can find out from the Internet. Spend some time chatting with the priest who will be conducting your wedding, he would be able to impart valuable information.Here I have attached a link on the significance of the rituals, I found from the internet.

http://tamilhinduweddings.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/Hand-Book-Print-version.pdf

So my plea is, my dear soon to be married Indian couple, seek to understand the meaning of the rituals before you unceremoniously 'cut them' from the wedding plan. It is either you have a full blown wedding with the rituals intact or have one without them i.e registration or even the 'Archanai Kalyanam' a simple wedding conducted in the temple right in front of Lord Ganesha. Please don't 'butcher' the rituals just because you want to have a simple wedding. Conducting these rituals don't involve much money. Do seek to do the right thing at the right time.

As soon as Mr.(Always) Right tied the Thali around my neck, I gave the thumbs up much to the amusement of our guests. If only we can get married again, sigh :)

The dreaded BMI

I started a torrid love affair with food 8 years ago and I am paying the consequences now. I am 30 kg more than the healthy BMI...boo hoo. Why 8 years ago? Well that's when I met my hubby. He loves food and his family consists of great cooks. Easy to shift the blame, eh? But it's true! And I may also like my snacks a wee bit too much.

All this hype of loving your body and curves and it is OK to have flabby skin because you are a mother is started to get to me because I am not fit. I can't climb a flight of stairs without panting and attempting some complicated yoga poses is a sheer torture for me (although I can execute the Camel Pose quite nicely) So yeah, I have to do something about it but what and how and most importantly will I be disciplined enough to carry out a weight loss plan?

I started a 'Eat less and Move more' campaign a while ago and that ended badly because I was snacking on nuts way too much without thinking that it could contribute to the pounds! I am beginning to think that I can also gain weight by drinking water...pffftt! And not forgetting that my idea of 'Move more' was to walk around my 1222 sq feet condo unit which is obviously not good enough... Pffftt!!! (Again)

The solution is pretty obvious. I need to exercise but truthfully, I hate to sweat! I hate it when my face is filled with sweat and my body dripping with sweat and the hair is sticky with sweat. Bet you feel like smacking my head with something hard, right?

That is why I joined Yoga! So I could do something I like and have always wanted to do and lose weight. But guess what? It is the 3rd month and Pippa has lost 4 freaking kgs and yours truly? Nil, zero, kosong, telur!!!! Every time I step on the weighing scale, I'd close my eyes only to squint a little and peek at the miserable window where my even more miserable weight would be glaring back at me. My sister in law was 'melting' away her weight as soon as she started Yoga. Life is so unfair!

Ok before you call the whambulance for this whining soul, I have good news which is I am beginning to feel the urge to exercise and eat right and I am going to pray real hard that the urge would stay. I need to be fit because Pebbles is already starting to walk and she'd be soon running around and I need to be fit to run after her. That should be a substantial motivation, right? Plus I want to wear my jeans! It has almost been two years since I wore one.

Oh well, enough of me ranting about the never ending weight issue..but trust me, I am not like some women who go on lamenting about their weight gain when in actual fact they are as thin as a matchstick. Whenever 'such ladies' start complaining about their so called horrendous weight gain, I would cheekily ask them 'You put on weight on your nose?' I know I am mean but come on la! You don't whine about your 'invisible' weight gain in front of an obese friend! I know I am being harsh but I am talking about myself so that's OK.

So here's to making reasonable goals and achieving them.Will keep you posted on my success story (I am being incredibly positive, here) at the end of the year (Oh, don't worry, I'd still write but would not mention the 'W' word again till December)

Ta ta

Image from Queen of Sass, FB