Her Own Person

The Movement Control Order was implemented on March 18, 2020 and was initially informed to be a two week order but has now been extended to another two weeks. It’s April 2^nd, 2020 and it is Day 16 here in Malaysia.

Late yesterday evening, we heard loud shouts from the opposite block (We live in a condominium complex; 14 blocks altogether) At first we thought it was a bunch of kids calling out their friends from their balconies. But it became louder. When we went out to our balcony, we saw many others out on the balcony as well, waving their handphones with the torch on. Just calling out and saying Hi. And somebody did a cool show with green light that got everyone cheering loudly. It lasted for 20 minutes, my kids were excited as well but I felt my chest tightened and tears sprang to my eyes. I am not sure what was the act all about but I felt it was a display of solidarity. That we are in this together and we will come out of it, together. Just when I had that word in my head, I came upon it again when I watched Idris Elba’s video on Goalcast emphasising the power of solidarity in the face of this horrible pandemic.

Solidarity means unity or agreement of feeling or action. That was what has been displayed by so many people all over the world. The frontliners is a commonly used word now that even my almost 6 year old knows it. The frontliner is the person who is part of the ecosystem that supports our new norm now. They are the foundation actually. Out there protecting the masses; medical fraternity, some politicians, armed personnel, food deliveries and the list goes on. I am of the ‘rakyat biasa’ who is doing her part by staying at home trying to break the chain of pandemic. How is it going so far, you ask? Will fill you in another time.

What I would like to share instead is my profound gratitude to a few individuals who in their own capacity has displayed selflessness in championing solidarity. They are basically regular people with big hearts and their actions have set off a ripple of positive reaction. I wanted to celebrate them for being themselves and I hope this little write up will do them justice. The list is in no particular order.

Image from Google

1. Angie Chin

Founder of Hanawomen Hub, Hanafundme.com and WonderWomen Asia, this enterprising woman and I first met a little over 2 years ago. We are the very personification of Yin and Yang yet we collaborate with each other perfectly. Angie is incredibly active on social media and is (tactfully) vocal about her views and opinions about everything under the sun. I personally don’t think she sleeps la. She is constantly bursting with ideas and loves sharing them with her friends. Angie is a true blue SME champion so when the Economic Stimulus Package was rolled out, she was the first few ones who raised her concerns and feedbacks and got the rest of us who are not so literate in economics to ponder. Angie is best in probing and making you think in different angles and that was what she did throughout this MCO,  she raised questions, made statements and even rallied us to make thank you messages for the frontliners of which she compiled and made a quick montage to be shared. While most of the SME owners are still mulling over on how to survive in this trying times, she has already formulated a business package to be activated once the MCO is over (told you she doesn’t sleep) I hope she knows how inspiring she is to so many people including me! Do follow Hanawomen Hub and Hanafundme.com for very exciting updates.

2. Viviantie Sarjuni

I first met Viviantie in January 2019 when Hanawomen Hub was launched. Our mutual friend is Angie. Viviantie is one of those people whom you would gravitate towards unknowingly as she exudes such positive aura and she is the sort who is everyone’s friend. Viviantie just like Angie is ‘anak jati’ Sabah. She has rolled out many initiatives to elevate the economic status of Sabahans. I love reading her updates on FB and found myself admiring her determination and deep love for her people. When the MCO announced, Viviantie was very concerned about her fellow people who did not possess a good comprehension of English and Bahasa Malaysia about Covid-19 and Dos and Don’ts of the MCO so she rallied her friends who got their friends to translate the messages in the various dialects in Sabah. There was also one done in sign language. Having translated these messages definitely helped to manage the panic and fear everyone had towards Covid-19. I have been a Malaysian for 30 odd years but this was the first time I heard so many dialects and I was floored by the commitment these lovely Sabahans had in ensuring their people get the message crystal clear.  Here’s letting you know what an amazing person you are Viviantie as you always put your heart and soul in all your endeavours. She recently joined the Sabah Creative Economy and Innovation Hub after a stint at MaGIC. All the best to you!

3. Hemavathy DM Suppiah

Hema is my dear friend whom I became friends with when we were mere dreamy 18 year olds. Although we grew up and mounted more commitments in our life and often go months without talking to each other, we often checked on each other. Hema is the sort of friend whom you would not have been in touch with for aeons but when you meet her, you just pick up the last thread of conversation and carry on. She is one of the most compassionate, caring and kind person I have ever known and recently these traits of hers were magnified through her actions. Hema and her mother are in KL during the MCO although they are actually based in Ipoh. She joined the voluntary group to supply food and essentials to people who needed them. She and her fellow volunteers summoned the courage to go out there and help the people who have been affected by MCO. They did this by being very diligent in ensuring all safety standards are met when they execute the tasks. She even managed to rally the support of her friends in Ipoh to help some families who were in need all the way from KL. Hema is generally attuned to people’s sufferings and takes extra effort to be the ear to listen, the shoulder to lean on and the hand to help. She is also a champion of mental health and often shares information about it.  I don’t think I have done enough justice by describing what a selfless person she is through my tribute because Hema always has a magical way with words and is an incredibly gifted writer. You are a hero, Hema. I am so proud to be your friend.

4. Kavi Vitya Kathiravelo

Kavi is my Yoga teacher who reignited the love towards Yoga in me with her simple approach. Apart from yoga, we share the love for great Tamil movies and 80’s Tamil songs. Kavi’s down to earth personality has garnered her many friends and also fans. She is a very hardworking person and is often finding ways to improve herself. When MCO was announced, Kavi’s business as a Yoga Instructor suffered as she could not operate her studio and also have her private and corporate classes. Instead of wallowing in self-pity, she started off online classes right away and that endeavour evolved into something better when she got other fitness enthusiasts to join her too in for other forms of fitness. She places much emphasis on mental health and stress management as well which are integral in living during MCO. I have always likened her to the Phoenix, the symbol of strength and renewal. She always rises amidst difficulties and that is such an admirable trait. A free spirit, Kavi is happiest bonding with Mother Nature. Although her business has been impacted, Kavi still insists on voluntary contribution for her online classes. I am so proud of you, Kavi. Can’t wait to start our yoga session soon (Due to being home bound with two chipmunks, I have not been able to follow her class. Excuses, I know) Please follow Kavi and her company; Vityalayaworldwide on IG and FB for exciting updates on the world of Yoga and also her online classes.

5. Arzierin and Hanna

These two ladies are joint recipient of the Awesome Woman recognition (by me) These two ladies are the 2/3 of a new initiative called Women CareerAspiration Network (WeCAN) the 1/3 is me la. We started this initiative to support women who wish to re-launch their careers. Fairly new in business, we had an interesting line up of activities for the members only to have them on hold because of MCO. But these ladies put on their thinking caps to further inject enthusiasm and motivation for the women to go out there and find their dream job. Do you know a lot of companies are actually hiring now? I found out from them myself. Appropriate learning interventions are shared regularly and pep talks (via messages) are given  just to keep the hopes high among our fellow ladies. They are the true epitome of sisterhood who only wish to lift you up. When they found out that I was feeling down as my business is impacted because of the pandemic, they readily offered monetary assistance. Such kind souls and I am so honoured to run this WeCAN initiative with them simply because their heart is in the right place and they love to hug! By sharing their insights on the job market, these ladies are inadvertently steering the other women to the right path in securing employment so the family’s economy is not impacted too badly.

6. Rishma and Yaso

I saved the best for last (I know, I did say no particular order) because a) they are family and b) they are both doctors. I am very fortunate to marry into an awesome family. I truly mean it. One of the main factors are the amazing role models I have in the family. Rishma is Suren’s sister in law. She is the Public Health Medicine Specialist who is based in Seremban. Rishma is a person with very high calibre. She is extremely dedicated, disciplined and has sharp focus in everything she does. She is in charge of making sure all the infrastructure are in place in order for the frontliners to execute their tasks efficiently. It’s a mammoth task and she has been working tirelessly day in and day out without much rest in between. Rishma is one of the important puzzles in making sure the medical team work competently. I don’t think there is anyone else who would do this job better than her (okay, I am bias. She’s family but she is super good) I have always admired her as a career woman and a mother and having seen her doing this job so amazingly, I can only say that I am super proud of her and she deserves so much of gratitude for working so hard to ensure we flatten the (damn) curve.

Yaso is Suren’s cousin’s wife whom we all regard as the big sister. A GP with flexible working hours, she recently volunteered to be a frontliner. You may think that being a doctor, it is a natural inclination to serve the country when you are needed but in actual fact, it is not that simple because we don’t know the severity of the pandemic. We do some sort know about it but we are still at the fire fighting stage, frantically putting out the fire that we don’t have the time to sit down and plan what to do next. Many would also contemplate risking it when there is so much at stake. Yaso is a wonderful mother to her 3 kids and I am sure when she decided to help, she would have thought the others have kids too so what’s the difference? That’s how Yaso is, always quick to help and extremely dutiful. When I first found out that she has ‘been drafted’ I literally had the song ‘Inilah Barisan kita, Yang Ikhlas Berjuang’ playing in my head and for the first time (in a very long time) wished I was a doctor so I could help too.

So here they are the women whom I admire for what they are and for what they have been and still doing during these troubled times called MCO. I chose to write this to honour the impact they have although they may disagree. Each one of us are doing what we can to safeguard the humanity. My deed is no greater than yours. We are in this together. The other objective of mine is to practice Gratitude because despite the difficulties, if we pay close enough an attention, we are better off than so many out there. Thank you ladies for being so inspiring and in return I hope you will be inspired too by others in your circle.

In the words of Idris Elba (man, he’s hot) now is the time to think of solidarity, now is the time of thinking about each other.

Stay safe and sane, everyone!

Till Death Do Us Part

Title sounds a little morbid given the pandemic we are in, right? Well I am going to address the elephant in the room. The topic many people have been avoiding to talk about. The opposite of social distancing that is happening in the confines of your own home.

As many forwarded messages and memes are depicting how mothers are going to turn into wild animals since she is being cooped up with the kids, men who get kicked by their wives for playing football in the house and many others, the truth is many of us are truly nervous spending time with your better half in the closed confines of one’s home in this quarantine period. It’s pretty much similar to the first stages of dating him or her where you just want to show your best side.

This is how it is; you meet someone, date for a while, get married, have kids and life goes on. The evolution of the marriage is such: the giddiness turns into sheer happiness then contentment and then many adjustments to have a harmonious marriage. Having kids can be a deal breaker; your marriage either strengthens or weakens.

In my case, when I met my husband, I thought he was the most caring man ever (he still is in some ways. But I am no longer the center of his universe. The kids are) We are what one would say the classic examples of opposites attract. We are so different; I am the eldest in the family, he is the youngest, I am a flighty Gemini, he is the grounded Libran, his numerological number is 1 which often highlights the leadership qualities and mine is 9 which is somewhat a rebel to the 1. However, we are both Roosters; it’s not the perfect match in the Chinese zodiac because since Roosters will be pecking a lot that signifies a lot of bickering. Even in the Indian zodiac, I am the fiery Leo and he is the laidback Virgo. So, you see, despite these differences, we dated for 6 years and got married and had kids.

We were blessed to have our first kid very early in our marriage but that did change the dynamics of our relationship. We were responsible for another human being. Over time, I began to lose my coolness and I became more paranoid. Not of him but because of our kid. Most mothers have fear creep into their hearts and live there permanently when she becomes a mom. It happened to me too and it intensified when the second one came along. This paranoia of mine became the bone of contention in my marriage. It became the basis of all our arguments. The reason I realised this is because I did a lot of soul searching. Arguments suck big time. And when our ego is bruised it’s even worse. He is the cool dad and I am the high-strung mum. We both have different parenting styles too which in most times seem okay but when it’s not okay, BAM! Another argument happens.

The icing on the cake is we run two businesses together and because we are so different it translates into our working styles. And you got it right. We argue a lot at work too. And because we are partners at work and in life and we are so different, it may appear that we are arguing all the time and sometimes it gets dragged on for days!

Reading this may make you think, what the heck is making us stay together then? Trust me there is a lot of reasons. Apart from the kids, we love each other fiercely. It has evolved over the years but now and then we get to see the glimpse of what we used to be either through a gesture or a statement and that’s thrilling. And we are best friends. He is the one I turn to first when something vexes me or makes me happy.And we enjoy talking things through. I am also fortunate to have wonderful in laws (I have to say that coz most of them will be reading this, hahaha) there are so many role models to look up to and free counselling is available too 😊 My late father in law used to say ‘Fix what’s broken not throw them away’ and I always remember that when the going gets tough.

I have also realised how many people devote their lives to their children which is an admirable act, really. But it is important to note that our kids are really not ours and when they leave the nest, you are left behind with your spouse. Therefore, it is integral to have a solid foundation in your marriage. That’s the person you chose, you married and had kids with and with God’s Grace that’s the person you will live with ‘Till Death Do Us Part'

It is so easy to stay angry, pout and sulk for days, trust me, I do that but it is not healthy. For yourself and also your marriage. My sister in law who is a very successful divorce lawyer once told me ‘As much as you think he is at fault, you have to remember that you are not perfect too’ which simply means everyone is hugely flawed. Having that in mind has averted many potential explosive arguments at my end.

The relationship with my husband has no definite parameter. We live and work together so it is a herculean effort to separate our arguments; home and work. But after working together close to 5 years, I believe we have some sort acquired the art of biting our tongue before saying that well deserved snarky remark only to mull it over and deliver our counter arguments in a more positive manner. And this was achievable with a healthy dose of distancing between us. We live together, we work together but we also pursued our interests separately.

But now that we are thrown in together in a confined space, we have started to walk on eggshells again. It takes adjustment. When the PM announced ‘Take the time to spend some quality time with your loved ones’ I went like 'Easy for you to say!' I may sound ungrateful by stating this as our frontliners are out there combating the pandemic while I am whining about being stuck at home with my husband but it is a real issue. Everyone is making adjustments in their marriage right now. I have a sister who only used to see her husband during the weekends but now she sees him every day. I would like to know how is that going. Another sister whose husband has a fixed schedule of being away from home half the day is now at home the whole day. And finally, my youngest sister who is a newlywed but is confined in her 450 square feet house with her super restless husband who cannot stay at home for more than an hour. Everyone has struggles. The pandemic is a bigger problem but for those who can’t help directly and have been asked to stay put at home as an indirect help for the world to curb this problem has a huge responsibility too.

It’s not about being at home and watching TV all day long, it’s about staying sane. If you have a spouse and kids, it’s all about teamwork. Planning the meals, activities to keep the kids occupied, house to tidy up, these are activities that can fall under the purview of a tag team. Saying please and thank you go a long way when you are stuck in a small apartment.

Just the other day I came across an image that showed that the air quality has improved significantly because the factories are shut down which is great but there is another underlying problem, the factory workers have no source of income now and this is going to affect their mental health. The world is definitely combating a huge problem with so many underlying issues and consequences and if you zoom into one aspect which is home quarantine; the sanity of the people in the home is at stake too. Many interventions are now available; free channels on TV, online yoga classes etc but unless we mindfully repair ourselves from within nothing else is going to work. That’s why my favourite forwarded message is ‘Can’t go outside? Go inside’ which relates to doing some soul searching. What better time is there to do it than now?

                                                     Image from Google

It’s Day 5 of quarantine in Malaysia and by God’s Grace no major arguments between Mr & Mrs Smith here haha but reliable sources have shared that the quarantine may be extended therefore it is imperative to come up with plans on not to avoid having arguments but how to strengthen the relationship with my spouse. In my opinion, in a marriage, Love is not the most important thing but it is Communication. No one is a mind reader (unless you are) so what you need and want to say should be translated and transmitted accurately and effectively. Gandhi once said ‘Be the Change You want to See’ and it applies perfectly in marriage too. You want your hubby to be more affectionate, you have to be more affectionate too. A marriage involves two persons so it takes two to tango just like how it takes two hands to clap.

In this vexing time, let’s work hand in hand in ensuring we have a harmonious marriage which is the pillar of a balanced community. Let’s aspire to speak to each other with love and affection and continue showering each other with kindness and care. Most times, we are more caring towards strangers than the people who matter the most to us.

Here’s wishing you a contented marriage in time of Corona

Disclaimer: Despite the argumentative nature,we are truly fun people to hang out with

Holidays with my In Laws

It has been a year since I blogged! And for a person who claims she likes to write, this is definitely an oxymoron. But in my defence, I have been pretty busy on my other Social Media platforms where I channel my love for writing with witty posts. I tried thought provoking ones but decided that it's not me. So when I opened my blog this morning, I found out that I actually did not finish my piece on my trip with my in laws. So here's continuing the story...

Yeap, you read it right. I recently went on a holiday with my in laws. Without my husband and kids and I shared a room with my mother in law.

While this is a recipe for disaster for many married women out there, I on the other hand adore my mother in law and I believe we had a great time  ( I mean, I did. I did not dare to ask her if she did...hahaha)

My sister in law called me one fine day to ask if I wanted to join them for their family trip to Bali as her best friend pulled out at the last minute due to family emergency. The offer was tempting but I had just returned from a trip to Singapore with my own family and I was thinking about the children. But husband said 'Go'. In fact below was the exact conversation we had:

Me: Do u think I should go to Bali? Love that place
He: You should. Maybe you need a break from me
Me: Break from you by going for a holiday with your family? I would be the first woman to do that!
He: ok what?! That's cool

When I told a dear friend that I was going on a holiday with my in laws, she thought I was going bonkers. Honestly, I didn't think much about it because I relatively have an easy relationship with my in laws and I wanted to sort out some internal issues that I have been having for the longest time.

You see, I wasn't feeling happy. As much as I know that my happiness is my own responsibility, I was at lost on how to go about seeking it. Based on the all the books I read and all the mumbo jumbo we see on social media, it was pretty obvious that the search should start from within me.

So while I searched for myself, I found out some interesting facts about my in laws too during this trip. Most surprising one would be my sister in law's husband who is famously known for being harried and easily troubled. He was at his most zen and I thoroughly enjoyed his company. My sister in law spoke very little which is very unlike herself and my nephew was very endearing. My mother in law was her usual self; never complaining, always obliging. As her room mate, I was her designated company for the short shopping trips near the hotel and I thoroughly enjoyed her company.

AS for me, I managed to do yoga and do some meditation by the beach and also the on the hill overlooking Tanah Lot. The cool breeze was invigorating and I could feel a rush of emotions engulfing me. I took it as a detox process, a part of the purging process. I also squeezed in a small meditation session at Triti Empul which had gave out some mystical aura.

We stayed at Hard Rock Bali and I was so in love with the bed! I had the best and restful sleeps there and there was when I realised that I truly need restful sleeps. Having two kids who don't sleep through the night can be detrimental to mental health.

For those who wish to get a break or also to find oneself, I would highly recommend to go on a trip. I was fortunate to join my in laws so I didn't need to worry about food and accomodation. And I supposed it doesn't need to be somewhere fancy too. Go where your heart leads you to. I also always found comfort in listening to the waves at the beach. It's soothing and some sort melancholy, a feeling that resonates with me.

My trip with my in laws was one of the most relaxing ones I have ever had and I am truly grateful for being given the opportunity at the eleventh hour. And the fact that I have a hands on husband truly helped as I didn't worry about the kids at all, I know that they were in safe hands; big and capable hands :)

On the hindsight, if you wish to visit Bali but not sure of a suitabe itinerary, do let me know because my sister in law is fantastic in drawing up itineraries that suit your budget and interests too.

How to help your depressed friend or family

The recent suicides due to depression by Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain brought a flood of posts on social media on mental health awareness. Some friends even shared their own stories and it struck me what a conniving disease this is because depression has no specific characteristics. Both Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain did not exhibit any tell-tale signs prior to their suicide. They apparently appeared normal so this got me thinking, how does one tell if the other is having depression if you are not informed. The answer is YOU CAN’T! And that freaks me out.

I was thinking hard on how to help those who are depressed or think that they are depressed and I have come up with a list of suggestions which are no way fool proof so feel free to comment.

1. Listen, listen, listen

When someone opens up to you about the problems they are facing, always be present and listen them out first. Do not even attempt to formulate your ‘Dear Thelma’ replies. Just listen with an open heart. Don’t form judgement in your head and heart when they are pouring out to you. Most of the time, they just want someone to vent their frustration to.

2. Be empathetic

People who are depressed have issues that bog them down; issues you think are insignificant but are VERY significant to them. Your friend might say that she hates her skin because of the huge acne problem but you think it is not a biggie. Instead of saying ‘Seriously?!’ say phrases like ‘Oh dear’, ‘Poor you’ ‘I hope it goes away soon’ etc. Okay, you may think you are molly coddling them but it actually makes them feel better because it shows you are putting yourself in their shoes which being empathetic is all about. And of course when you are saying all that, mean it!

3. Be Kind

A depressed person has their mind wrapped in a fog when they are feeling down. They might be aware of the solutions to their problems but they are unable to act upon it. Never ever say ‘Snap out of it’ because they simply can’t and it is a very unkind thing to say. Instead, you can learn to phrase your feedback constructively. For example, a friend is complaining she is fat and unfit. You know she hates to exercise. Instead of telling her to do it (of which she is aware of) you can suggest simple things like going for walks with her or send links to some easy exercises that you had done and she can do too. Subtle messages and actions yield greater results.

4. Always check on them

If you realise that they have been quiet in your common WhatsApp group(s), instead of presuming what had happened, just send a message to check on them. A simple 'Hello' or 'Whats Up' would suffice. It shows that we care and we should because we are friends for a reason in the first place.

5. Be aware of their activities

If you are hooked on the social media like me, take the extra effort to be vigilant on their posts instead of blindly ‘Liking’ or ‘Sharing’. This is where use ‘Social Media responsibly’ takes effect. I read somewhere that Facebook has instilled some sort of detector that detects words such as depression and suicides in its bid to help the community. So instead of using robot to do it, let’s be more caring towards the people who mean to us by looking out for them. If their posts appear melancholic such as ‘the time is dragging by and I can’t seem to get off my bed’ or ‘I wish I wasn’t born’ etc, check on them right away, don’t dally. A friend of mine mentioned that her schoolmate was trying to reach out to her and the others, often asking them to meet up but everyone was too busy for her. She ended up committing suicide due to depression. Till today, my friend regrets not heeding the warning that was right in front of her.

I understand everyone has their own lives and we are so swamped with our own problems. But nothing beats being there for your family and friends. Time spent with them will never come back so be kind and be present. Just do your best.

Image from Google

June 5

I am a person who remembers milestones so June 5 is an interesting date for me because:

1. June 5, 2015

I quit my corporate job. A wide eyed young mother who was determined to take care of her baby and assist her husband in his entrepreneurial endeavour.

2. June 5, 2016
I was the team manager for a cricket team who emerged as the runners up on the corporate league

3. June 5, 2017
Found out I was pregnant for the second time. To be honest, I wasn't thrilled because I had so many plans in store for work with hubby. It wasn't a smooth pregnancy. I was often sick and in extremely bad mood. It's a miracle my son is a happy baby who readily gives heart melting gummy smiles

4. June 5, 2018
I am at home with two kids, house is filthy and I haven't done any proper work since January 16. In short, I am MISERABLE

It has dawned upon me (rather belatedly and while deflating my ego enormously) I am not cut out to be a SAHM or a WAHM. I don't have the dedication, commitment and consistency to do either. Admitting to defeat sucks big time but it is time to face the reality.

I crave for my own desk and PC. For colleagues and deadlines. For boring meetings and fussy bosses. I miss them all. The 3 year career break I had taken has made me realise that I thrive in an office environment with a steady pay check. I am not an effective leader but an extremely good follower.

I am turning the grand old 37 in 4 days time and I have decided to hunt for a job. A job that is fulfilling. It may not be the best but I aspire to be a good employee. My kids? They will be fine. They are hardy unlike me so wish me luck!

Oh My Handphone

I am a self-professed hand phone addict. I can spend hours looking at my hand phone and it is a huge problem simply because:

1. I have an active 16 month old child. You know the golden rule? Silence is not good when you have a toddler?
2. I work from home. More hand phone time equals to less work. Darn!
3. The house doesn't clean on its own.

I used to be the person who checks her handphone the moment I am up. Nowadays I don’t look at it (except to check what time is it) until about 10 am (I am up at 7am) and I think that it is a great achievement. But my happiness is short lived because then I am hooked on it from then on till well late at night.

The moment I sit in the car, I will check my hand phone for updates in the following order; WhatsApp, Facebook and Instagram. I take pride in being updated with the latest news (more like gossips especially in WhatsApp) and happenings. Then I realised that car rides have become rather silent (only punctuated by cries from the baby seat hater a.k.a Pebbles) and I was not stopping to smell the roses.

The Cricket World Cup is going on and Hubby is literally glued to the television from 8pm-2am every day. One day I told him ‘I wish I was the TV so you can look at me all the time’ rather scornfully and to which he cleverly replied, 'Well I wish I was your hand phone so you can LOOK at me all the time!’ I was taken aback at the remark. In actual truth, taken aback does not really justify how I felt, the Malay word ‘Tersentap’ sounds more like it.

So before I slept that night, I was mulling over what he said and shamefully, I realised that he was right. My hand phone has literally become an extended limb of mine. I am CONSTANTLY looking at it and it has drastically reduced my ‘connectednes’ with my surroundings. I know I have written about hyperconnectedness some time ago, of which you can read here but sadly I did not practice what I preached.

So I have taken some baby steps to solve this issue. Like I mentioned, I don’t look at my hand phone for messages the moment I am up. I don’t look at it when I am in the car with my husband and Pebbles. I don’t look at it while watching a movie on TV and I don’t look at it while Pebbles play, instead I play with her (She is so great at make believe games)

People say that all these apps are supposed to bring people closer but in actual truth, it is driving us apart. So I am taking a pledge to reduce hand phone time and increase substantial quality time with people who matter. Who is in it with me?

Image from Google

Zootopia

I held a contest for the school-going nieces and nephews last December. They were supposed to write a 200 word essay on the most influential person in their life. Alas out of 6 only 3 responded so all three were rewarded. Two of them, D and H are in KL so I treated them to a movie and meal.

Although both wanted to watch Ola Bola, I managed to convince them to watch Zootopia instead simply because I was more keen to watch the animation. Ok guys, don't bite off my head, I will watch Ola Bola eventually to support the local movie everyone is raving about.

Needless to say, I LOVED Zootopia. It is a funny, fast paced and steeped with moral values kind of movie that every set of parents with kids should watch. I am not going to spoil the fun by revealing the plot but rather I am going to list down a few key messages I found in that movie.

1) ALWAYS believe in yourself
     Nobody but you MUST believe that you can do whatever you set your mind to do. Detractors are there in your life not to dampen your spirit but to toughen you up therefore be thankful to them.

2) Working very HARD is the key to success
     You have to have reasonable goals (reasonable? Go ahead and have OUTRAGEOUS ones) and work hard to achieve them

3) Do not 'HOVER OVER' your children.
    This message is exclusively for over protective parents. It is imperative to let your children follow their dreams. It is difficult to let them go but do it with a loving heart and (LOTS of) prayers.

4) NEVER underestimate a person's strength
    We are not GOD so never judge. A small person doesn't mean he/she is weak and likewise, a big person is not always strong.

5) NEVER EVER stereotype those around you
    I think this is the key message in this movie. Like I said, I don't want to reveal the plot but when you watch it, you will know it right away. Sadly, stereotyping people according to race, gender, body size etc is the norm now. It is imperative to know that we are all belong to the human race and we come in all shapes, colours, sizes, beliefs and cultures. We need to strive to live harmoniously in the only home we have, Earth.

Although it is a show about animals, it very much resonates with us humans. For movie addicts like me, you will be able to relate some of the characters to the iconic movies such as Godfather (sorry, an itsy bitsy spoiler alert) It was also heart warming to see the cinema packed with more adults than children (it was during the school holidays!) because adults are beginning to realize that animations are worth watching in the cinema too. I wonder when Hubby is going to get that revelation? :P

So please do watch it and I guarantee you will fall in love with the characters especially Flash the Sloth (oops, sorry again)

image from Google

Pronunciation

What do you do when someone you know, mispronounces a word? Do you correct him or her immediately or do you just keep quiet? As for myself, I (in most instances) correct them simply because it was pronounced wrongly and they should know the right way of pronouncing it.

However many a times, they often feel offended when the correction is done. My question is, why do you need to be offended? It is all part of learning process. I suppose when the 'corrector' does it in a condescending manner, the corrected's ego is bruised hence the feeling of being offended arises.

The solution is pretty easy. When you hear someone mispronouncing a word, gently pronounce the word correctly. DO NOT make fun of the person and tell the whole world of the small little insignificant boo-boo. If the person gets defensive, GENTLY explain that the word is pronounced in such way. If they are still all angry and defensive, BACK AWAY. There is no point arguing over the silly thing or do what I do. Google to find out the right pronunciation and feel all smug that you are right. At the same time, if you are wrong ADMIT it.

Now for the person who is getting corrected, there is no harm in learning from mistakes. The world doesn't end just because you mispronounced the word(s). Be the better person by saying 'Oh is that how that word is pronounced? Thank you' Just take it as a lesson so you would not be potentially embarrassed when you mispronounce the word in the presence of different groups of people i.e superiors, strangers or worse a person you want to impress! Again, there is no point being all defensive when you are corrected. If you are not satisfied, just turn to our trusted buddy Mr.Google and find out. Be gracious if you are wrong and if you are right, don't gloat. Show the person the reference and guaranteed you both would have a good laugh over it amidst learning something new.

I remember mispronouncing the word rebel which I used in the context as a verb. Although the spelling is the same, the noun is rebel but the verb is pronounced as 'ribel'. The person who corrected me made fun of me in front of my friends and I was very ashamed so that is why I swore I would not make fun of anyone else in the same predicament. I do correct people but I strive to do it in a tactful manner and why I am doing it is to do them a favour and not to appear as some Ms.Know-it-All.I have been told off not to correct them but I gently tell them it is important to speak and pronounce words properly and correctly as communication is an important tool in any kind of relationships. At the same time, I am totally cool to be corrected as I am open to learning however it has be done tactfully for I am a human after all :) OK OK I am plain sensitive.. Hehehe

So dear correctors and corrected, there is enough problems in the world so let's strive to be amicable when a mispronounciation happens! Here's to speaking the language correctly. Cheers!

Image from Google

A Love Story

We concluded the one month prayer for my Father-in-Law on Sunday February 28, 2016. A memorial book was published for him and I had contributed an article of which I wish to share here.

I once asked ‘I wonder how would anyone subject themselves to arranged marriages?! To marry a stranger and be with his/her family?!’ An advocate of love marriages, Suren and I dated for 6 years before we got married in 2013 and during those years, I was already fraternizing with the family to ‘ease’ my way into the Indrans’ household.

My perception changed when I started to get to know my parents in law, a successful alliance which was a product of arranged marriage. Both hardly knew each other prior to the wedding but the fact that Uncle Indran was Uncle Kuna’s (Aunty Archee’s older brother) good friend contributed to the strong recommendation that sealed the proposal.

Although they started off their relationship as strangers, they grew closer over the years and remained very much in love till Uncle Indran’s last days. The flamboyant and charming Indran was a perfect match to the sweet and endearing Archee.

Many who know this couple would perceive Uncle Indran as the dominant one in the relationship but the truth is although Uncle Indran was the head of the family, Aunty Archee was the neck that moved the head. Uncle Indran used to joke that he may be a Major but he always thought that he was the General and Aunty was the Major simply because he made all the general decisions in their lives and she did the major ones.

As long as I can remember, these two were inseparable. Uncle Indran only eats if Aunty Archee serves him and they ALWAYS ate together be it at home or at a party. At any functions, when Uncle Indran will be holding court, Aunty Archee can be seen giggling softly right next to him.

Uncle was always teasing her and she will slap his thigh playfully in return. I have often caught them sitting right next to each other in their own thoughts but looking blissfully happy. There was never a day, Uncle would not call  ‘Archee!’ out loud simply because he needs to have her by his side which she happily obliges.

Aunty Archee loves flowers and he made sure he gets them for her whenever he can. Aunty once told me that while they were travelling from Penang to Johor, he had stopped his car to pick some wild flowers for her. How romantic is that?! Unlike most men, Uncle Indran remembered important dates such as their registration day and wedding day and was the one who reminded her.

Although uncle was unwell and aunty took care of him, he was always watching out for her too. Ensuring she had enough rest and food, uncle enjoys nagging her and she basked in his concerns with her usual smiles. They were truly made for each other.

Suren told me that he had never seen his parents argue in front of him and his siblings. All disagreements were deliberated in private between them. Uncle Indran valued aunty’s opinions and this proved to be pivotal in the success of their marriage.

They were each other’s strongest cheerleader. Uncle Indran’s illustrious life was made possible with the love and support he derived from Aunty Archee. She was a contented woman because he encouraged her to pursue her interests. The dedication towards their relationship and the devotion they shared towards each other provided the basis of a happy home for their children.

My most treasured moments with Uncle Indran were meal times when he would be regaling me with stories of his army life. Sometimes he would slip tips on how to sustain a happy and harmonious married life. He emphasized on being each other’s pillar of strength and whenever something is ‘broken’, fix it not throw it. Be it a love or arranged marriage, when you apply this in your relationship with your spouse, a happy married life is guaranteed.

For the last few months, when uncle was at the hospital, she was by his side 24/7. Uncle himself had to reassure her that he was fine for her to go out for a while to get some fresh air. When he had to be in the ICU and she could not stay with him, she reluctantly followed us home only after Suren promised her that he would bring her back to the hospital early next morning. When uncle’s situation worsened, she put on a brave front as not to worry him but Uncle Indran was well aware of his situation but acted as though he did not know anything as not to worry her. This simple act of sparing each other’s feelings in my opinion is an act of true love.

When uncle slipped into unconsciousness and was being wheeled into the ICU, she clung to him and said ‘Darling’ repeatedly as tears coursed down her cheeks. When they told her that they needed to rush, she added ever so softly ‘I love you’ as she stroked his hair. That was when my vision was blurred by my own tears. It was too much to bear.

The family kept vigil at the waiting lounge that day but the hospital was kind enough to let Aunty Archee be by his side. At that point, his blood pressure was dropping steadily. I went in to see Uncle Indran before I went home. My heart ached when I saw Aunty Archee lying on his shoulder and gently stroking his arm, only stopping to give him small kisses on his hand. As much as I wanted uncle to be released from the pain he was suffering from, I wanted him to hold on a little longer for her to come to terms that her one and only love was going away. Eventually, he held on and was even responding by moving his head and arm whenever anyone spoke to him. That small window of miracle gave us chance to say our good byes and when he breathed his last, Aunty Archee said ‘Go in peace, darling’ That scene will be etched in my mind for the rest of my life.

To lose your husband who is your best friend, your lover and confidant is definitely one of the hardest things a woman has to go through. The depth of love they have for each other is immeasurable and those who know them have nothing but deep admiration for them on the commitment they both share.

Young ladies have always wanted to marry a man like Lord Rama who was believed to love one woman only, Sita and was devoted to her but I am convinced Uncle Indran was more than Lord Rama to Aunty Archee just as she was more than Sita for Uncle Indran. This is the kind of love story that warms your heart and makes you believe in soul mates and true love.

Although Uncle Indran is no longer with us, we would just need to summon a fond memory of him to relive the happy moments and I am convinced Aunty Archee has a lifetime of loving and fond memories of her darling to sustain her.

Uncle, your love story is inspiring, it will be a tough act to follow.

They loved to dance

Support System

I can't believe that I have not written for more than 3 weeks. I have been busy shuttling back and forth to Hospital as my father in law was hospitalised. And alas he passed away last Friday. It was indeed a very sad day for all of us.

The image of my mother in law pining for him will forever be etched in my mind. He let out his last breath surrounded by his family. After that the day passed by quickly as we had to rush back to Melaka to start on funeral arrangements. 

As the family went through the motion, I took a step back to observe the support system that delicately carried the family through the difficult time. 

Family and friends offered cash, kind words and food without having to ask. Some sat and held our hands, some hugged us tightly as we sobbed uncontrollably and others proceeded to share funny stories of my father in law to lighten the sombre mood.Aunty N came to give my mother in law a very tight hug and offered her condolences.

My sisters; Hazel and Pippa were with my husband at the mortuary comforting him as he cried and Pippa came to Melaka to take care of Pebbles while I was by my hubby's side. My parents came over from Ipoh on the eve of the funeral to lend some moral support and even Tara came over from Kuantan to pay her last respects. I love my family!

My father in law was a popular man and was loved by many. My SIL and I together crafted an obituary to best describe him and many were happy with it. We received so many wreaths and his send off was done in military style. It was poignant and left no one with dry eyes.

I followed my hubby to the crematorium and my heart ached when I saw him kissing his dad for the last time. He has lost his dad the person he looks up to and his heart was breaking.

The next day they collected their father's ash and before they poured it into the sea, they huddled around the urn and that was another sad moment. All of us took turns to throw some flowers into the sea along with the ash and I made a silent prayer to take extra care of my in laws.

My hubby and I have decided to take a month's leave and stay in Melaka to keep his mum company. Although she is very sad and is still crying, she seems to feel contented having little Pebbles running around. I suppose the family will take time to heal as well.

Family and friends continue to join us in prayers and offering food whenever they can. Every day, my mother in law is fielding phone calls from relatives who are overseas. The calls are helping her to assuage the pain she is feeling from the loss of her partner.

These past few days have taught me how imperative it is to maintain positive relationships with people around you at all time. We will never know when we need their shoulders to lean against in moments of distress.

From the bottom of our hearts, we thank you and appreciate the love and respect shown to the family. God Bless

Rest in Peace, Uncle Indran

To comfort

Certain situations allow us to know ourselves better. The recent incident of my father in law getting admitted to the hospital as his health deteriorated, made me realize that I suck at comforting people.

My mother in law was understandably inconsolable. Her whole world revolves around her husband. Seeing him emaciated was a blow to her. So there she was sitting in the corner in the waiting lounge while her tears coursed down her cheeks in silent. And what was I doing? Her younger daughter in law? I just sat next to her. I said nothing and did nothing. I was feeling numb inside. In order to avoid fearing the worst, I have acquired the skill of not feeling and thinking anything not even the positive thing.

My heart on the other hand was telling me to comfort my mother in law. 'Say something' 'Hold her hand' but my head said 'No!' Best not to say anything foolish and make her sadder. So there I was torn inside while my mother in law sat staring at the blank space.

Out of the blue, a lady appeared and embraced my mother in law. Aunty N is a family friend and her husband was admitted in the same hospital. When she heard about my father in law's condition, she sought out for my mother in law.

I couldn't hear what they were talking but I saw my mother in law crying in Aunty N's arms while she stroked her and spoke in a firm voice.

My husband then introduced me to her son who was his friend as well. While we were trading stories about our respective kids, Aunty N approached us and told my hubby that we needed to be strong. Her exact words after that were ' Don't manifest and foresee' Those words struck a chord within me. My father in law may be weak and his reports did not look promising but he was still here and we needed to avoid fearing the worst.

I knew then God sent Aunty N to us to pass this message and that night we held a prayer rally for my father in law and by God's grace, the very next day his condition improved and is still continuing to improve.

I met Aunty N again the next day. Her husband was in the operation theater undergoing a procedure but she still sought out my mother in law and continued to comfort her. She advised us to pray and that's the best we can do. She even added that God made her and my mother in law meet because He wanted them to comfort each other. And she commented on how some people go on lamenting why they needed to suffer (You know, the universal 'Why me?! question) to which she simply answered 'Why not?' and continued saying that 'One is not special to be spared of hardship'. Which is true because God doesn't test us unless he knows we can endure it. Deep, huh?

Aunty N spoke in a simple manner but her messages were powerful. My mother in law seems a little less worried now. She seems more determined to get her husband out of the hospital at the soonest. When she is not talking, I find her reciting some mantras. Although my father in law is still in the hospital, he is out of the woods and we are convinced he is on the road to recovery albeit a long one.

We are truly grateful to meet the wonderful Aunty N. She made us realize how important is it to send out the right messages to the universe so we get the results we want.

God works in mysterious ways and he gave us Aunty N to put us on the right perspective when we thought the future seemed bleak. Most importantly, she has taught me to learn how to comfort people and to say the right things. It doesn't matter if they want to hear it or not, it is my job to deliver the message since giving is always way better than receiving, right?

Thank you Aunty N and may god bless you always.

Image from Google

Procrastination

I read sometime ago in Facebook that procrastination leads to heart diseases. Gasp! I am the Queen of all procrastinators. Writing these two sentences are already making my heart palpitate.

Apparently, procrastination magnifies stress, reduces performance and leads to poor health. Oh man, not good news at all. If you mull over this logically, it makes sense. When you put off doing something till the very last minute, your stress levels shoot up and that affects you badly.

So what's the solution? We first need to get rid of the negative mentality which means saying a big fat 'No' to two major debilitating thoughts such as:

1. I can't do this.

Solution: Take a deep breath. Free your mind of ANY thoughts. Take one step at a time. Write down your strategies or go over them in your head. It doesn't matter that you are doing it at a slower pace but at least you are doing it. You become more concious of it when you do it this way so there would be no room for mistake.

I applied this technique when I started driving to my classes. As you know, I hate to drive. The sheer thought of it makes my heart race. When I had no choice but to drive, I had to implement some techniques to calm my nerves and the above helped. I always map out the route in my mind before driving so I am prepared if unexpected things happen such as heavy rain or unbelievable traffic. And also I believe that I am the only driver in this world who keeps glancing at the rear and side mirrors every other minute :)

2. I don't think I can do it

Solution: Take a deep breath (again) and just do it (Nike has that right)

I had this mentality for years when it came to cooking. I just didn't think I had it in me that I can cook. I rather read a book instead of slaving at the kitchen but that thought changed when one find day, I found myself in the kitchen fixing something to eat. I was lazy to buy food from the nearby restaurant so I grilled some chicken and vegetables instead. It tasted fine and since then I have been cooking some really simple meals which are way healthier compared to food from the outside. Even hubby is shocked when he catches me watching some cook shows on the television.

Procrastination is Evil and we should do away with it. Take the first step to eradicate this nasty behaviour because remember, the journey of a thousand mile begins with a single step.

Good luck!

Entry inspired by Travis Bradberry's article on 'How to make yourself work when you're not in the mood'

Say No to this!

Image from Google

Bye Bye 2015 & Hola 2016

I can't belive that 2015 is at her very last day. I feel that way because typically on a new year's eve, I would be busy spending time with my diary and probably cleaning up the house to usher in the New Year as a clean slate.

Instead I am at my in law's house sitting next to Pebbles who is asleep after taking a bout of medication.Poor baby n hubby are recovering from flu and fever and she has a nasty attack of diaper rash. So you can imagine how the past few days have been for me. I was frantic and I actually sobbed out loud when her toy hit my toe.It was super painful and in sadness I lamented that I was not being a good parent and I don't think I should have more children etc. I am a drama queen no doubt about that.

Just two hours ago when I was chasing after Pebbles who has taken a liking to my father in law's colourful tablets, I wished I had a fairy godmother.And if she was to grant me a wish, I would say that I would one night alone at J.W Marriott Hotel. Just to sink into the heavenly bed with fluffy pillows and to have an uninterrupted bath. Talk about wishful thinking...sigh

So 2015 has been an eventful year for me.I quit my job, started yoga,dabbled in blog, attended a course in translation & editing and passed (yay!), making my way slowly into the spiritual world and made some great friends. So if I am to think what would my new year resolutions be I supposed I should break them down into a few categories:

1.Physical
I will continue practicing Yoga. I will eat healthier (I have too!) and exercise

2. Mental
I will focus on maintaining my energies well so I am balanced and don't get stressed up too easily. ( Keeping my fingers and toes crossed)

3. Financial
I will strive to be empowered financially.

4. Spiritual
I will continue to explore the spiritual world and reap its benefits. Yay to powerful subconscious mind

5. Career
I am not sure how soon I will get into the full time working world but in the meantime I will utilize all the skills that I have and have acquired to do something worthwhile

6. Social
I have always had issues with self esteem.So here's to higher self confidence which would in turn improve my social life.

7. Family
Tough one.I am a mother of one and I hope to continue to be that for 2016. Baby no.2 can wait for a while.As usual I aspire to be a better person in the various hats I don: daughter, sister, wife, mother, aunty, daughter in law, sister in law, niece and granddaughter

Here's to a better year ahead

Bring it on, 2016

I share the same sentiments