I have attended a number of weddings this year partly because I love weddings (and I was invited to them, duh)and also wedding planning is something what my husband and I do as well. What I have observed throughout this year is that many of the brides and grooms had demanded to cut short the rituals in the name of having a simple wedding.
Unlike the weddings of other races, the Hindu wedding is conducted in the ancient language of India which is Sanskrit and obviously most of us do not speak the language any more thus the problem of not understanding the rituals involved. Therefore many of the soon to be wedded couple decide to forgo some rituals to give way for more time for photography sessions and also entertainment for the guests.
It saddens me when many of them demand to have a 'simple' wedding but spend so much of money on the venue, decorations, entertainment and other things by being oblivious to the fact that the Hindu wedding is steeped with so much blessings for the newlyweds.
A Hindu wedding celebrates the fact that it takes a village to raise a child thus the rituals always involve the uncles and aunties of the intended bride and groom. Each ritual from the coconut breaking to getting the blessings from the parents signify the importance of family ties and values particularly respect.
One of my favourite pastimes is watching wedding videos on YouTube ( I call that doing research for wedding planning) so the other day, I came across a wedding video of a mixed race couple. The bride is an Indian and the groom is a Mat Salleh. He looked dashing in the traditional attire and even his parents wore them too. He was at ease throughout the ceremony and my heart beamed with pride when he fulfilled a ritual called the 'Patham Pooja' It is a ritual where the bride and groom would respectively washed their parents' feet and receive their blessings. It is a poignant ritual as it signifies their eternal gratitude for raising them and conducting the wedding. So this white dude happily did the ritual and looked up at his parents with both palms together in the universal greeting and his parents smiled at him proudly. I doubt they understood the meaning of the ritual but they did understand the importance of it and took part in it without any qualms. When it was the bride's turn, her mother clung to her husband and sobbed because it was evident that she felt overwhelmed with happiness that her daughter was getting married and will be leaving the nest soon. Having watched that particular scene warms my heart because I know a couple who did not want to have this ritual because they wanted to save time. Seriously?!!
I find it incredibly silly when couples refuse to prostrate before their parents or any other elderly people. They deem it as an act of submissiveness when in actual fact it emphasizes respect and humility. Please get your facts right, people. It irks me when they say 'No way I would fall at their feet. Why should I?' I always have the strong urge to smack their heads when they say that.
Did you know that besides the part when the Thali is tied, another significant ritual for the bride is the 'Kanyathanam'? This is when the parents of the bride will give away their daughter to the groom and his family while the priest chants the mantra which basically means, 'Dude,I am giving you my daughter, you and your family better treat her like one of your own' (Of course the actual words are far more polite than what I have written) I always tear at this part of the ceremony.
It's true that the marriage is far more important than the wedding itself (wise words from my sister in law, SIL No.1) however most of us only marry once in our lifetime so why don't we strive to have a wholesome one? Instead of spending hours mulling over the colour theme, food testing, types of jewellery etc, do research on the wedding you will be having specifically the significance of the rituals. Ask the elderly people in your life or you can find out from the Internet. Spend some time chatting with the priest who will be conducting your wedding, he would be able to impart valuable information.Here I have attached a link on the significance of the rituals, I found from the internet.
http://tamilhinduweddings.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/Hand-Book-Print-version.pdf
So my plea is, my dear soon to be married Indian couple, seek to understand the meaning of the rituals before you unceremoniously 'cut them' from the wedding plan. It is either you have a full blown wedding with the rituals intact or have one without them i.e registration or even the 'Archanai Kalyanam' a simple wedding conducted in the temple right in front of Lord Ganesha. Please don't 'butcher' the rituals just because you want to have a simple wedding. Conducting these rituals don't involve much money. Do seek to do the right thing at the right time.
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