Her Own Person

The Movement Control Order was implemented on March 18, 2020 and was initially informed to be a two week order but has now been extended to another two weeks. It’s April 2^nd, 2020 and it is Day 16 here in Malaysia.

Late yesterday evening, we heard loud shouts from the opposite block (We live in a condominium complex; 14 blocks altogether) At first we thought it was a bunch of kids calling out their friends from their balconies. But it became louder. When we went out to our balcony, we saw many others out on the balcony as well, waving their handphones with the torch on. Just calling out and saying Hi. And somebody did a cool show with green light that got everyone cheering loudly. It lasted for 20 minutes, my kids were excited as well but I felt my chest tightened and tears sprang to my eyes. I am not sure what was the act all about but I felt it was a display of solidarity. That we are in this together and we will come out of it, together. Just when I had that word in my head, I came upon it again when I watched Idris Elba’s video on Goalcast emphasising the power of solidarity in the face of this horrible pandemic.

Solidarity means unity or agreement of feeling or action. That was what has been displayed by so many people all over the world. The frontliners is a commonly used word now that even my almost 6 year old knows it. The frontliner is the person who is part of the ecosystem that supports our new norm now. They are the foundation actually. Out there protecting the masses; medical fraternity, some politicians, armed personnel, food deliveries and the list goes on. I am of the ‘rakyat biasa’ who is doing her part by staying at home trying to break the chain of pandemic. How is it going so far, you ask? Will fill you in another time.

What I would like to share instead is my profound gratitude to a few individuals who in their own capacity has displayed selflessness in championing solidarity. They are basically regular people with big hearts and their actions have set off a ripple of positive reaction. I wanted to celebrate them for being themselves and I hope this little write up will do them justice. The list is in no particular order.

Image from Google

1. Angie Chin

Founder of Hanawomen Hub, Hanafundme.com and WonderWomen Asia, this enterprising woman and I first met a little over 2 years ago. We are the very personification of Yin and Yang yet we collaborate with each other perfectly. Angie is incredibly active on social media and is (tactfully) vocal about her views and opinions about everything under the sun. I personally don’t think she sleeps la. She is constantly bursting with ideas and loves sharing them with her friends. Angie is a true blue SME champion so when the Economic Stimulus Package was rolled out, she was the first few ones who raised her concerns and feedbacks and got the rest of us who are not so literate in economics to ponder. Angie is best in probing and making you think in different angles and that was what she did throughout this MCO,  she raised questions, made statements and even rallied us to make thank you messages for the frontliners of which she compiled and made a quick montage to be shared. While most of the SME owners are still mulling over on how to survive in this trying times, she has already formulated a business package to be activated once the MCO is over (told you she doesn’t sleep) I hope she knows how inspiring she is to so many people including me! Do follow Hanawomen Hub and Hanafundme.com for very exciting updates.

2. Viviantie Sarjuni

I first met Viviantie in January 2019 when Hanawomen Hub was launched. Our mutual friend is Angie. Viviantie is one of those people whom you would gravitate towards unknowingly as she exudes such positive aura and she is the sort who is everyone’s friend. Viviantie just like Angie is ‘anak jati’ Sabah. She has rolled out many initiatives to elevate the economic status of Sabahans. I love reading her updates on FB and found myself admiring her determination and deep love for her people. When the MCO announced, Viviantie was very concerned about her fellow people who did not possess a good comprehension of English and Bahasa Malaysia about Covid-19 and Dos and Don’ts of the MCO so she rallied her friends who got their friends to translate the messages in the various dialects in Sabah. There was also one done in sign language. Having translated these messages definitely helped to manage the panic and fear everyone had towards Covid-19. I have been a Malaysian for 30 odd years but this was the first time I heard so many dialects and I was floored by the commitment these lovely Sabahans had in ensuring their people get the message crystal clear.  Here’s letting you know what an amazing person you are Viviantie as you always put your heart and soul in all your endeavours. She recently joined the Sabah Creative Economy and Innovation Hub after a stint at MaGIC. All the best to you!

3. Hemavathy DM Suppiah

Hema is my dear friend whom I became friends with when we were mere dreamy 18 year olds. Although we grew up and mounted more commitments in our life and often go months without talking to each other, we often checked on each other. Hema is the sort of friend whom you would not have been in touch with for aeons but when you meet her, you just pick up the last thread of conversation and carry on. She is one of the most compassionate, caring and kind person I have ever known and recently these traits of hers were magnified through her actions. Hema and her mother are in KL during the MCO although they are actually based in Ipoh. She joined the voluntary group to supply food and essentials to people who needed them. She and her fellow volunteers summoned the courage to go out there and help the people who have been affected by MCO. They did this by being very diligent in ensuring all safety standards are met when they execute the tasks. She even managed to rally the support of her friends in Ipoh to help some families who were in need all the way from KL. Hema is generally attuned to people’s sufferings and takes extra effort to be the ear to listen, the shoulder to lean on and the hand to help. She is also a champion of mental health and often shares information about it.  I don’t think I have done enough justice by describing what a selfless person she is through my tribute because Hema always has a magical way with words and is an incredibly gifted writer. You are a hero, Hema. I am so proud to be your friend.

4. Kavi Vitya Kathiravelo

Kavi is my Yoga teacher who reignited the love towards Yoga in me with her simple approach. Apart from yoga, we share the love for great Tamil movies and 80’s Tamil songs. Kavi’s down to earth personality has garnered her many friends and also fans. She is a very hardworking person and is often finding ways to improve herself. When MCO was announced, Kavi’s business as a Yoga Instructor suffered as she could not operate her studio and also have her private and corporate classes. Instead of wallowing in self-pity, she started off online classes right away and that endeavour evolved into something better when she got other fitness enthusiasts to join her too in for other forms of fitness. She places much emphasis on mental health and stress management as well which are integral in living during MCO. I have always likened her to the Phoenix, the symbol of strength and renewal. She always rises amidst difficulties and that is such an admirable trait. A free spirit, Kavi is happiest bonding with Mother Nature. Although her business has been impacted, Kavi still insists on voluntary contribution for her online classes. I am so proud of you, Kavi. Can’t wait to start our yoga session soon (Due to being home bound with two chipmunks, I have not been able to follow her class. Excuses, I know) Please follow Kavi and her company; Vityalayaworldwide on IG and FB for exciting updates on the world of Yoga and also her online classes.

5. Arzierin and Hanna

These two ladies are joint recipient of the Awesome Woman recognition (by me) These two ladies are the 2/3 of a new initiative called Women CareerAspiration Network (WeCAN) the 1/3 is me la. We started this initiative to support women who wish to re-launch their careers. Fairly new in business, we had an interesting line up of activities for the members only to have them on hold because of MCO. But these ladies put on their thinking caps to further inject enthusiasm and motivation for the women to go out there and find their dream job. Do you know a lot of companies are actually hiring now? I found out from them myself. Appropriate learning interventions are shared regularly and pep talks (via messages) are given  just to keep the hopes high among our fellow ladies. They are the true epitome of sisterhood who only wish to lift you up. When they found out that I was feeling down as my business is impacted because of the pandemic, they readily offered monetary assistance. Such kind souls and I am so honoured to run this WeCAN initiative with them simply because their heart is in the right place and they love to hug! By sharing their insights on the job market, these ladies are inadvertently steering the other women to the right path in securing employment so the family’s economy is not impacted too badly.

6. Rishma and Yaso

I saved the best for last (I know, I did say no particular order) because a) they are family and b) they are both doctors. I am very fortunate to marry into an awesome family. I truly mean it. One of the main factors are the amazing role models I have in the family. Rishma is Suren’s sister in law. She is the Public Health Medicine Specialist who is based in Seremban. Rishma is a person with very high calibre. She is extremely dedicated, disciplined and has sharp focus in everything she does. She is in charge of making sure all the infrastructure are in place in order for the frontliners to execute their tasks efficiently. It’s a mammoth task and she has been working tirelessly day in and day out without much rest in between. Rishma is one of the important puzzles in making sure the medical team work competently. I don’t think there is anyone else who would do this job better than her (okay, I am bias. She’s family but she is super good) I have always admired her as a career woman and a mother and having seen her doing this job so amazingly, I can only say that I am super proud of her and she deserves so much of gratitude for working so hard to ensure we flatten the (damn) curve.

Yaso is Suren’s cousin’s wife whom we all regard as the big sister. A GP with flexible working hours, she recently volunteered to be a frontliner. You may think that being a doctor, it is a natural inclination to serve the country when you are needed but in actual fact, it is not that simple because we don’t know the severity of the pandemic. We do some sort know about it but we are still at the fire fighting stage, frantically putting out the fire that we don’t have the time to sit down and plan what to do next. Many would also contemplate risking it when there is so much at stake. Yaso is a wonderful mother to her 3 kids and I am sure when she decided to help, she would have thought the others have kids too so what’s the difference? That’s how Yaso is, always quick to help and extremely dutiful. When I first found out that she has ‘been drafted’ I literally had the song ‘Inilah Barisan kita, Yang Ikhlas Berjuang’ playing in my head and for the first time (in a very long time) wished I was a doctor so I could help too.

So here they are the women whom I admire for what they are and for what they have been and still doing during these troubled times called MCO. I chose to write this to honour the impact they have although they may disagree. Each one of us are doing what we can to safeguard the humanity. My deed is no greater than yours. We are in this together. The other objective of mine is to practice Gratitude because despite the difficulties, if we pay close enough an attention, we are better off than so many out there. Thank you ladies for being so inspiring and in return I hope you will be inspired too by others in your circle.

In the words of Idris Elba (man, he’s hot) now is the time to think of solidarity, now is the time of thinking about each other.

Stay safe and sane, everyone!

Till Death Do Us Part

Title sounds a little morbid given the pandemic we are in, right? Well I am going to address the elephant in the room. The topic many people have been avoiding to talk about. The opposite of social distancing that is happening in the confines of your own home.

As many forwarded messages and memes are depicting how mothers are going to turn into wild animals since she is being cooped up with the kids, men who get kicked by their wives for playing football in the house and many others, the truth is many of us are truly nervous spending time with your better half in the closed confines of one’s home in this quarantine period. It’s pretty much similar to the first stages of dating him or her where you just want to show your best side.

This is how it is; you meet someone, date for a while, get married, have kids and life goes on. The evolution of the marriage is such: the giddiness turns into sheer happiness then contentment and then many adjustments to have a harmonious marriage. Having kids can be a deal breaker; your marriage either strengthens or weakens.

In my case, when I met my husband, I thought he was the most caring man ever (he still is in some ways. But I am no longer the center of his universe. The kids are) We are what one would say the classic examples of opposites attract. We are so different; I am the eldest in the family, he is the youngest, I am a flighty Gemini, he is the grounded Libran, his numerological number is 1 which often highlights the leadership qualities and mine is 9 which is somewhat a rebel to the 1. However, we are both Roosters; it’s not the perfect match in the Chinese zodiac because since Roosters will be pecking a lot that signifies a lot of bickering. Even in the Indian zodiac, I am the fiery Leo and he is the laidback Virgo. So, you see, despite these differences, we dated for 6 years and got married and had kids.

We were blessed to have our first kid very early in our marriage but that did change the dynamics of our relationship. We were responsible for another human being. Over time, I began to lose my coolness and I became more paranoid. Not of him but because of our kid. Most mothers have fear creep into their hearts and live there permanently when she becomes a mom. It happened to me too and it intensified when the second one came along. This paranoia of mine became the bone of contention in my marriage. It became the basis of all our arguments. The reason I realised this is because I did a lot of soul searching. Arguments suck big time. And when our ego is bruised it’s even worse. He is the cool dad and I am the high-strung mum. We both have different parenting styles too which in most times seem okay but when it’s not okay, BAM! Another argument happens.

The icing on the cake is we run two businesses together and because we are so different it translates into our working styles. And you got it right. We argue a lot at work too. And because we are partners at work and in life and we are so different, it may appear that we are arguing all the time and sometimes it gets dragged on for days!

Reading this may make you think, what the heck is making us stay together then? Trust me there is a lot of reasons. Apart from the kids, we love each other fiercely. It has evolved over the years but now and then we get to see the glimpse of what we used to be either through a gesture or a statement and that’s thrilling. And we are best friends. He is the one I turn to first when something vexes me or makes me happy.And we enjoy talking things through. I am also fortunate to have wonderful in laws (I have to say that coz most of them will be reading this, hahaha) there are so many role models to look up to and free counselling is available too 😊 My late father in law used to say ‘Fix what’s broken not throw them away’ and I always remember that when the going gets tough.

I have also realised how many people devote their lives to their children which is an admirable act, really. But it is important to note that our kids are really not ours and when they leave the nest, you are left behind with your spouse. Therefore, it is integral to have a solid foundation in your marriage. That’s the person you chose, you married and had kids with and with God’s Grace that’s the person you will live with ‘Till Death Do Us Part'

It is so easy to stay angry, pout and sulk for days, trust me, I do that but it is not healthy. For yourself and also your marriage. My sister in law who is a very successful divorce lawyer once told me ‘As much as you think he is at fault, you have to remember that you are not perfect too’ which simply means everyone is hugely flawed. Having that in mind has averted many potential explosive arguments at my end.

The relationship with my husband has no definite parameter. We live and work together so it is a herculean effort to separate our arguments; home and work. But after working together close to 5 years, I believe we have some sort acquired the art of biting our tongue before saying that well deserved snarky remark only to mull it over and deliver our counter arguments in a more positive manner. And this was achievable with a healthy dose of distancing between us. We live together, we work together but we also pursued our interests separately.

But now that we are thrown in together in a confined space, we have started to walk on eggshells again. It takes adjustment. When the PM announced ‘Take the time to spend some quality time with your loved ones’ I went like 'Easy for you to say!' I may sound ungrateful by stating this as our frontliners are out there combating the pandemic while I am whining about being stuck at home with my husband but it is a real issue. Everyone is making adjustments in their marriage right now. I have a sister who only used to see her husband during the weekends but now she sees him every day. I would like to know how is that going. Another sister whose husband has a fixed schedule of being away from home half the day is now at home the whole day. And finally, my youngest sister who is a newlywed but is confined in her 450 square feet house with her super restless husband who cannot stay at home for more than an hour. Everyone has struggles. The pandemic is a bigger problem but for those who can’t help directly and have been asked to stay put at home as an indirect help for the world to curb this problem has a huge responsibility too.

It’s not about being at home and watching TV all day long, it’s about staying sane. If you have a spouse and kids, it’s all about teamwork. Planning the meals, activities to keep the kids occupied, house to tidy up, these are activities that can fall under the purview of a tag team. Saying please and thank you go a long way when you are stuck in a small apartment.

Just the other day I came across an image that showed that the air quality has improved significantly because the factories are shut down which is great but there is another underlying problem, the factory workers have no source of income now and this is going to affect their mental health. The world is definitely combating a huge problem with so many underlying issues and consequences and if you zoom into one aspect which is home quarantine; the sanity of the people in the home is at stake too. Many interventions are now available; free channels on TV, online yoga classes etc but unless we mindfully repair ourselves from within nothing else is going to work. That’s why my favourite forwarded message is ‘Can’t go outside? Go inside’ which relates to doing some soul searching. What better time is there to do it than now?

                                                     Image from Google

It’s Day 5 of quarantine in Malaysia and by God’s Grace no major arguments between Mr & Mrs Smith here haha but reliable sources have shared that the quarantine may be extended therefore it is imperative to come up with plans on not to avoid having arguments but how to strengthen the relationship with my spouse. In my opinion, in a marriage, Love is not the most important thing but it is Communication. No one is a mind reader (unless you are) so what you need and want to say should be translated and transmitted accurately and effectively. Gandhi once said ‘Be the Change You want to See’ and it applies perfectly in marriage too. You want your hubby to be more affectionate, you have to be more affectionate too. A marriage involves two persons so it takes two to tango just like how it takes two hands to clap.

In this vexing time, let’s work hand in hand in ensuring we have a harmonious marriage which is the pillar of a balanced community. Let’s aspire to speak to each other with love and affection and continue showering each other with kindness and care. Most times, we are more caring towards strangers than the people who matter the most to us.

Here’s wishing you a contented marriage in time of Corona

Disclaimer: Despite the argumentative nature,we are truly fun people to hang out with

How we managed a trip to TWO islands with TWO kids!

Although I grew up at the laidback and sleepy town of Kuala Terengganu and had the best childhood visiting beaches, islands and waterfalls, I insisted on an urban holiday with the kids for our annual year end get away. But Hubs is a beach bum and after much deliberation, he won and promptly booked the tickets while I fervently sent prayers to the Good Gods up there that I would not lose the remaining scanty hair I have on my head during the trip.

So this was the plan; Fly to Surat Thani and find our way to Koh Phangan then find our way to Koh Samui. The route involved a plane, ferry, bus, cab and van. Yup, my hubby is an aspiring Robinson Crusoe who conveniently forgot that we have a diva of a daughter and a Speedy Gonzales of a son.

The day finally dawned upon us to board our flight to Surat Thani on Air Asia from KLIA2. As fate would have it, we got caught in some delays and we missed the flight. Flight was at 12.30pm, we were at the gate at 12.15pm and we were denied entry despite the plane still being there and hasn't taxied off. The scene was like this; we arrived at the gate looking harried and frazzled with two kids in tow. No staff at the gate. Waved frantically to attract the attention but no one noticed. Ran to the next gate to seek help only to be told that they can't help and when the staff returned and the plane was still there, he just said sorry although we begged him to let us on the flight. When she heard that, Pebbles wailed out loudly that she had never missed a flight in her life before! She's 5 and she has only flown twice.  We totally understood that we should have been there earlier but we were held up at the security check. We did not hear any announcements because seriously it was like the market. Super noisy with all the fellow holidaymakers and the departure gate was P15 and if I were to compare it with the solar system, P15 was Planet Neptune if the Security Check is the Sun. It's freaking far! And we were not the only ones who did not board the flight, there were three others who got there 5 minutes earlier than us. Oh well, to cut the long story short, we had to purchase new tickets again not to Surat Thani because the next flight was only on Sunday (this was Friday). We purchased tickets to Krabi instead. At this point, hubs and I were super tired. We slept only at 1am since we still had to finish work and woke up at 4am to pack so we were severely sleep deprived and after pacifying Pebbles and getting back our luggage, we went to L9 to wait for our 5pm flight to Krabi where we only ended up boarding the flight at 5.15pm and the plane only took off at 5.30pm. Oh the irony!

So we reached Krabi and stayed at this really nice hotel called Phra Nang Inn which I highly recommend for you guys to check it out. It brought back fond memories of me visiting my aunt who worked at Pan Pacific Pangkor as this hotel was like the smaller version of it. The staff are helpful and the beach is just stone's throw away. The night market is directly opposite it so we spent some time checking out the stalls and I like it very much because we could hear music blaring from one side and there is so much to see at the night market.

Although the beach was nothing to shout about (Hubs was still feeling sore about missing the beach at Koh Phangan) we had a fun time at the beach. We thought of doing some island hopping at Krabi but then decided against it as the kids were still very tired so we decided that we would do it at Koh Samui.

Initially, we were supposed to take a bus then ferry to Koh Samui which would be a 5 hour journey and since I am blessed with a super smart and kind sister in law who chided us for getting the kids to endure such harrowing journey, she promptly booked us a flight from Krabi to Koh Samui with Bangkok Airways which was a pleasant experience. And yes, we were at the Krabi airport super early and lepaked at the lounge a good 90 minutes before our flight.

Once we reached Koh Samui, we checked into another nice hotel Novotel at Chaweng Although there is no lift there (all stairs) we found a back alley which was like a small hill so that was our daily work out for 3 days...hahaha

We went to town that night and hung out at the new mall called Central Festival. We ate some food and listened to a live band which concluded with a dance performance by 3 super fit and sexy girls who enthralled the audience with their rather provocative dance moves. We had a long chat with Pebbles when she tried to replicate the dance moves back the hotel. Oh the perils of parenthood!

The next day started early as we had signed up for 4 x 4 Offroad Major Safari Tour which were exhilarating for me and Hubs but terrified the hell of Pebbles and oddly it made Bubba sleep the whole journey!

This was the itinerary:

1. Chinese Lady Monk Temple

2. Big Buddha Temple

3. 4x4 to the Mountain Top to see the Panoramic View Point 360

4. Big Buddha at the Mountain Top

5. Had Thai Lunch at the Panoramic Restaurant

6. Elephant Trekking (we did not do that because it's animal cruelty)

7. Elephant and Monkey show (we did not want to watch it but the kids were cranky and we needed to divert the attention)

8. Muay Thai show

9. Coconut plantation

10. Namuang Waterfall

11. Grandfather and Grandmother Rock (I seriously don't know why they call them that because it is rather obscene and since Pebbles was asleep, I opted to stay back in the truck while Hubs took the oblivious Bubba with him)

12. Back to the hotel

Here's a picture of us in the 4x4 truck. Don't take parenting tips from us. Haha

  

Since the kids slept on and off during the tour, we were so tired and were ready to collapse but both wanted to swim in the pool so we had to oblige. (Have kids, they say. It will be fun, they say)

Because of the bumpy ride, we were aching badly but braved on for our next adventure; the Samui Island Tour at the Angthong National Marine Park. We first got into the van which took us to the pier where we boarded a tour boat. We were the only ones with kids and all eyes were on us when Bubba started to cry out as he wanted to explore the tour boat by walking around in his oversized life jacket and we didn't let him because he can easily slip through the brackets into the water! Pebbles on the other hand clung onto me like a Koala. But despite that we enjoyed the breath taking view as the tour boat sped to the first island, Mah Koh Island. We had to climb about 300 steps on an almost 90 degree incline to get to the top to view the magnificent Emerald lagoon.

As it is a relatively large tour boat, we needed to hop onto the long tail boat to get to the shore. Here's the tricky part because you need to be fit and nimble enough to hop on and hop off the boat without looking like a clumsy sloth like yours truly. We were very fortunate that the locals at the boat helped to lift our kids so we only needed to ensure we don't fall during the transfer. Trust me it was a tall order.

The Long Tail Boat

We then went to another island Wua Ta Lap Island where we spent a good two hour frolicking in the beautiful beach and then it was time to head back.

The next day was our flight back and this was our journey; Cab picked us up at 6am from the hotel. He picked up several other passengers and we were at the pier at 7am. We boarded the ferry at 8am. Docked at the Donsak pier at 9.30am. I loved the ferry ride. Felt like Meredith Grey on the ferry for a bit hahaha.

         

We got on a bus for another 2 hour journey. Stopped at a point to get on a van and reached the Surat Thani airport at 12pm. Our flight was at 1.30pm. We reached home sweet home at 7pm exactly 13 hours from the time we got onto the cab at Novotel in Chaweng.

All in all it was a great trip but also tiring. Because of the kids, we could not try out some street food and our kids only ate spaghetti much to our chagrin. But we learned a lot about traveling with young kids so here's a list of Dos and Don'ts of which I hope would help you in your trip in some way.

1. Be early for your flight. Triple check the time to board

2. If you are going to the beach, you can be in the swim wear and with your clothes on top and just bring a towel. Best to bring two sets of swim wear so you can let one dry overnight when one is being used.

3. Bring snacks like chips, biscuits or fruits. No chocolates because they melt

4. Use loads of sunscreen and mosquito repellent

5. Use flip flops not fancy shoes as they get wet all the time

6. Since we had to wake up like super early for tours, we showered the kids with warm shower right before bed so they only brushed their teeth and washed their faces the following morning.
7. Wet wipes is mankind's best creation. Use it
8. For island hopping, get yourself a (or two) water proof bag(s). It's super convenient. 5L would do

9. Pebbles suffers from bad case of wheezing so we were quite diligent in making sure both kids were out of their swim wear, wiped down and had a good dose of the sun after they are out of the water.

10. Since our holiday was filled with back to back activities, the kids took up to a week post-holiday to recover so do ensure there isn't any events or activities after you are back from the holiday.
11. And you need a break too! It's funny how hubs commented that HE needed a holiday once we returned home...hahaha

Our kids did have episodes of tantrums and meltdowns but it was mostly because they were tired and cranky so we had to bribe them with cool fruit juices that worked for us. We were also very fortunate to have fellow holiday goers were understanding and empathetic and helped to entertain the kids in foreign languages.

All in all it was a memorable holiday and since we survived a holiday that involved two islands with two kids, I am sure you can too!

 

Holidays with my In Laws

It has been a year since I blogged! And for a person who claims she likes to write, this is definitely an oxymoron. But in my defence, I have been pretty busy on my other Social Media platforms where I channel my love for writing with witty posts. I tried thought provoking ones but decided that it's not me. So when I opened my blog this morning, I found out that I actually did not finish my piece on my trip with my in laws. So here's continuing the story...

Yeap, you read it right. I recently went on a holiday with my in laws. Without my husband and kids and I shared a room with my mother in law.

While this is a recipe for disaster for many married women out there, I on the other hand adore my mother in law and I believe we had a great time  ( I mean, I did. I did not dare to ask her if she did...hahaha)

My sister in law called me one fine day to ask if I wanted to join them for their family trip to Bali as her best friend pulled out at the last minute due to family emergency. The offer was tempting but I had just returned from a trip to Singapore with my own family and I was thinking about the children. But husband said 'Go'. In fact below was the exact conversation we had:

Me: Do u think I should go to Bali? Love that place
He: You should. Maybe you need a break from me
Me: Break from you by going for a holiday with your family? I would be the first woman to do that!
He: ok what?! That's cool

When I told a dear friend that I was going on a holiday with my in laws, she thought I was going bonkers. Honestly, I didn't think much about it because I relatively have an easy relationship with my in laws and I wanted to sort out some internal issues that I have been having for the longest time.

You see, I wasn't feeling happy. As much as I know that my happiness is my own responsibility, I was at lost on how to go about seeking it. Based on the all the books I read and all the mumbo jumbo we see on social media, it was pretty obvious that the search should start from within me.

So while I searched for myself, I found out some interesting facts about my in laws too during this trip. Most surprising one would be my sister in law's husband who is famously known for being harried and easily troubled. He was at his most zen and I thoroughly enjoyed his company. My sister in law spoke very little which is very unlike herself and my nephew was very endearing. My mother in law was her usual self; never complaining, always obliging. As her room mate, I was her designated company for the short shopping trips near the hotel and I thoroughly enjoyed her company.

AS for me, I managed to do yoga and do some meditation by the beach and also the on the hill overlooking Tanah Lot. The cool breeze was invigorating and I could feel a rush of emotions engulfing me. I took it as a detox process, a part of the purging process. I also squeezed in a small meditation session at Triti Empul which had gave out some mystical aura.

We stayed at Hard Rock Bali and I was so in love with the bed! I had the best and restful sleeps there and there was when I realised that I truly need restful sleeps. Having two kids who don't sleep through the night can be detrimental to mental health.

For those who wish to get a break or also to find oneself, I would highly recommend to go on a trip. I was fortunate to join my in laws so I didn't need to worry about food and accomodation. And I supposed it doesn't need to be somewhere fancy too. Go where your heart leads you to. I also always found comfort in listening to the waves at the beach. It's soothing and some sort melancholy, a feeling that resonates with me.

My trip with my in laws was one of the most relaxing ones I have ever had and I am truly grateful for being given the opportunity at the eleventh hour. And the fact that I have a hands on husband truly helped as I didn't worry about the kids at all, I know that they were in safe hands; big and capable hands :)

On the hindsight, if you wish to visit Bali but not sure of a suitabe itinerary, do let me know because my sister in law is fantastic in drawing up itineraries that suit your budget and interests too.

Traumatic Child Birth Experience: Part 2

My super cute nephew turns 1 and it also marks a year since the fiasco over my blog concerning my sister's traumatic birth experience. Just this morning, the memory of her with bloody lips crossed my mind and my heart writhed in pain.

I had taken down that post since it caused too much of stress although that is the only post that had over 15k views! I wrote a sequel but I never posted it so I thought I should do it now. I have learned a lot over the year, about myself and the others around me. My husband till today is my strongest supporter with regards to this matter. The reason I thought I should post it now is beacuse although the first part caused so much of stress and pain and hurt, the second write up reflected my bravery in standing up to what I believed in. I just didn't post it as I didn't want to ruffle some feathers.So here goes...

What is more exciting than Christmas which is around the corner? A sequel to my drama, of course. As any sequels go, it could be better or even worse than the first part. So take out the popcorns and let’s find out.

For those who read my previous post about my sister’s ordeal may think that I have an army behind me rallying for justice now. YOU ARE WRONG! I don’t deny there were some who were sympathetic and empathetic but mostly were taking the whole story, which in my defence was a personal rant not an official complaint to the Ministry of Health, out of context and that made me view them as pathetic. But then again, everyone has a right to their opinion.

I was called a delusional, whiny, a writer of a story with so many inconsistencies and loop holes and my personal favourite ‘A-disgrace-to-the-non-muslims’(wow that’s rich) As family and friends began to share my story, more people began to read it and more people began to comment, more bad than good comments, I must add. It was mind boggling. Again, everyone has a right to their opinion.

At a platform, someone mentioned that it would have been better to communicate with the people concerned e.g HOD or Hospital Director and my good friend replied ‘I disagree. This issue concerns the public. And the public should know what’s going on in government hospitals that are supposed to serve the general community, which is made up of mostly middle class and working class folks’ Harsh? Maybe to some but think about it. If I had lodged a complaint at the hospital, I would have been informed that it was standard protocol and the hospital was merely following its policy. Because I came across a platform where many readers who you can guess are medical professionals commented that the whole process was on point and there was no sign of medical mismanagement. They would have apologized, of course. But if you take a minute and read my write up again, I neither mentioned the hospital, my sister’s details nor the medical personnel’s details. Why? I was not seeking for an apology, compensation or a damage control exercise, I just wanted to share my experience. 

I was accused of being crude in my write up, having distorted expectations and adding spices to my story. Again, it was a personal rant not an official complaint hence the flow of language will be different plus it is my blog la, why tell me how to write it? I was not seeking for fame (trust me, don’t even have an ounce of it). My write up became somewhat viral and reached the authorities and ruffled their feathers and that I must stress was beyond my control.

So what was my objective of the write up? I was just unhappy with the system and processes that are in place and I was hoping we could make a difference. And if a small group of readers who has read my write up began to reassess their birth plans based on reading my experience, I would be happy. Some of the comments were along these lines:

‘If you wanted to be treated like a Queen, you should go to the private hospital’

‘You pay peanuts. What do you expect?’

And another reader retorted ‘Does that mean you need to have money for a respectful birth care?!’ That hit me hard and got me thinking. We are in an era where everything is accessible with a touch of a button all for the sake of comfort and convenience but why are we still in the dark ages when it comes to having our babies in a calm and serene manner? Why do we need to spend so much of money in Private Hospitals when Government Hospitals are teeming with highly experienced and incredibly skilled medical personnel? What actually puts us off? In my opinion, (again it is my PERSONAL opinion) It’s the lack of humanizing services which stems from interpersonal skills that DO NOT need funding to cultivate. Change begins within you. If you choose to be more proactive, to be an effective communicator and take the effort to practice the values that define your work place, why would a patient have distorted expectations? I was informed that our country’s maternal and fetal health care is better than in the UK. That’s awesome news but don’t you see that there are still many areas to improve in?

I am not championing Private Hospitals. A reader commented that ‘government hospitals value lives, private hospitals value money’. Where is that coming from la? Both hospitals have experienced medical personnel with a wealth of knowledge and both have its pros and cons. I was asked why my sister opted to do VBAC at a government hospital. My question back was ‘Why not?’ She did her research and chose the government hospital. She understood the availability of facilities and services yet she underwent an unfortunate ordeal. To blame us for not doing enough research before deciding where to go was an unfair statement. She was a victim of miscommunication in terms of pain management plan and having her husband with her. And that is what I am championing, an effective communication process from all channels. I have friends and family members who had wonderful experience having their babies in the government hospitals and also some who had bad experience in private hospitals. So there are pros and cons in everything.

While Australia is celebrating for the legalization of same sex marriages and Pink is promoting genderless parenting, this unknown Malaysian is only championing for a calm and respectful birth care. Childbirth is a humbling experience. A child is made by two persons so shouldn’t that two persons be involved in its birth as well? A proper pain management plan is an added bonus. Of course a father may not want to be with the mother during birth for various reasons and a mother may want to deliver her baby without any drugs (I kow-tow to you, woman). The bottom line is, they should decide this birth plan and it has to be aligned with the hospital policy of which needs to be updated to them at primary healthcare level. When a mother goes through a positive child birth experience, the subsequent journey is guaranteed to be a smooth one which is good for the family’s wellbeing.  All this should be achieved without having to spend so much of money. I understand the constraints some hospitals face in terms of facilities in accommodating the husband in the labour room and the process involved in pain management plan. But please find a way to let the public know. Educate expectant mothers on what should they expect when they step into a hospital to deliver their babies so they can make sound decisions.

A wise woman said, ‘You can’t beat the system’ I asked back ‘Why not?’ The answer was it’s the way things are. Are they? Gandhi said ‘Be the Change You Want to See’ so expectant parents, if you are not getting what you want, if your expectations are not being met and you are just not happy with the system, step up and be proactive. Work harder in getting the right answers.  Have all the details of the available services and facilities to be mentally prepared. Share it with other family and friends as sharing is caring. My sister thought she did but it was not enough. 

Likewise, the medical fraternity should take this as a constructive feedback. Someone said I have to be in the system to understand what is going on but wouldn’t you get more sound suggestion by someone who is looking in from the outside? I understand now that different hospitals have different policies but how about conducting a study on best case practices among the GHs in Malaysia or other hospitals in Southeast Asia. Simple and inexpensive methods like putting up a board with patients’ updates and getting the nurses to update the family on hourly basis without being asked go a long way. You may be doing it already or about to embark to. I wouldn’t know. What I have personally gained from this fiasco is I have learned a lot about how the system works. But what about the next unassuming person? How do we educate the rest so we don’t have grievances aired in the open? The answer is so simple; Effective Communication Skill. My former boss always says ‘Knowledge is Power’ and that is what I believe in too. We have to empower more people with the knowledge. And this is my aspiration; one should not spend extra money to have a comfortable birth care.

So that was the main intention of my write up earlier, to highlight was is lacking. I am not going to apologize for the way I wrote it and also where I shared it. It’s my prerogative. I am fully accountable to what I do. But what I want to reiterate is I didn’t mean to hurt people or any organizations with my write up. Sometimes when you see something unfavourable on social media, take a step back and read it from a different angle. ONLY VERY FEW people understood it was a frustration of a sister over her sister’s ordeal and I am thankful for their emotional support. Just this morning, I received a call from a friend who is a doctor who actually thanked me for the feedback. It was like the light at the end of the tunnel for me like finally someone sees it!

There, I have done my part. I not only ranted, I gave some sound suggestions too. Now I am going to sit back and mentally drink some chilled Somersby beers after all the drama as I was asked to ‘Chill la’ when I shared some unbelievable remarks from the readers with my family members.

Have a nice day

Again, this is my personal blog so I write whatever I want and how ever I like and I am so darn proud of my write up :)

My favourite Love Story

On the 28th of October would have been my late Father in Law's 77th birthday. He has been gone for a little over two years and his presence is sorely missed. Just the other day, I thought about the write up I did for his memorial book and I thought it would be nice to share it with my readers. Entitled, A Love Story, it always tears me up when I read it.

I once asked ‘I wonder how would anyone subject themselves to arranged marriages?! To marry a stranger and be with his/her family?!’ An advocate of love marriages, Suren and I dated for 6 years before we got married in 2013 and during those years, I was already fraternizing with the family to ‘ease’ my way into the Indrans’ household.

My perception changed when I started to get to know my parents in law, a successful alliance which was a product of arranged marriage. Both hardly knew each other prior to the wedding but the fact that Uncle Indran was Uncle Kuna’s (Aunty Archee’s older brother) good friend contributed to the strong recommendation that sealed the proposal.

Although they started off their relationship as strangers, they grew closer over the years and remained very much in love till Uncle Indran’s last days. The flamboyant and charming Indran was a perfect match to the sweet and endearing Archee.

Many who know this couple would perceive Uncle Indran as the dominant one in the relationship but the truth is although Uncle Indran was the head of the family, Aunty Archee was the neck that moved the head. Uncle Indran used to joke that he may be a Major but he always thought that he was the General and Aunty was the Major simply because he made all the general decisions in their lives and she did the major ones.

As long as I can remember, these two were inseparable. Uncle Indran only eats if Aunty Archee serves him and they ALWAYS ate together be it at home or at a party. At any functions, when Uncle Indran will be holding court, Aunty Archee can be seen giggling softly right next to him.

Uncle was always teasing her and she will slap his thigh playfully in return. I have often caught them sitting right next to each other in their own thoughts but looking blissfully happy. There was never a day, Uncle would not call  ‘Archee!’ out loud simply because he needs to have her by his side which she happily obliges.

                                                   Uncle Indran & Aunty Archee in the late 70's

Aunty Archee loves flowers and he made sure he gets them for her whenever he can. Aunty once told me that while they were travelling from Penang to Johor, he had stopped his car to pick some wild flowers for her. How romantic is that?! Unlike most men, Uncle Indran remembered important dates such as their registration day and wedding day and was the one who reminded her.

Although uncle was unwell and aunty took care of him, he was always watching out for her too. Ensuring she had enough rest and food, uncle enjoys nagging her and she basked in his concerns with her usual smiles. They were truly made for each other.

Suren told me that he had never seen his parents argue in front of him and his siblings. All disagreements were deliberated in private between them. Uncle Indran valued aunty’s opinions and this proved to be pivotal in the success of their marriage.

They were each other’s strongest cheerleader. Uncle Indran’s illustrious life was made possible with the love and support he derived from Aunty Archee. She was a contented woman because he encouraged her to pursue her interests. The dedication towards their relationship and the devotion they shared towards each other provided the basis of a happy home for their children.

                                                                  Match made in Heaven

My most treasured moments with Uncle Indran were meal times when he would be regaling me with stories of his army life. Sometimes he would slip tips on how to sustain a happy and harmonious married life. He emphasized on being each other’s pillar of strength and whenever something is ‘broken’, fix it not throw it. Be it a love or arranged marriage, when you apply this in your relationship with your spouse, a happy married life is guaranteed.

For the last few months, when uncle was at the hospital, she was by his side 24/7. Uncle himself had to reassure her that he was fine for her to go out for a while to get some fresh air. When he had to be in the ICU and she could not stay with him, she reluctantly followed us home only after Suren promised her that he would bring her back to the hospital early next morning. When uncle’s situation worsened, she put on a brave front as not to worry him but Uncle Indran was well aware of his situation but acted as though he did not know anything as not to worry her. This simple act of sparing each other’s feelings in my opinion is an act of true love.

When uncle slipped into unconsciousness and was being wheeled into the ICU, she clung to him and said ‘Darling’ repeatedly as tears coursed down her cheeks. When they told her that they needed to rush, she added ever so softly ‘I love you’ as she stroked his hair. That was when my vision was blurred by my own tears. It was too much to bear.

The family kept vigil at the waiting lounge that day but the hospital was kind enough to let Aunty Archee be by his side. At that point, his blood pressure was dropping steadily. I went in to see Uncle Indran before I went home. My heart ached when I saw Aunty Archee lying on his shoulder and gently stroking his arm, only stopping to give him small kisses on his hand. As much as I wanted uncle to be released from the pain he was suffering from, I wanted him to hold on a little longer for her to come to terms that her one and only love was going away. Eventually, he held on and was even responding by moving his head and arm whenever anyone spoke to him. That small window of miracle gave us chance to say our good byes and when he breathed his last, Aunty Archee said ‘Go in peace, darling’ That scene will be etched in my mind for the rest of my life.

To lose your husband who is your best friend, your lover and confidant is definitely one of the hardest things a woman has to go through. The depth of love they have for each other is immeasurable and those who know them have nothing but deep admiration for them on the commitment they both share.

Young ladies have always wanted to marry a man like Lord Rama who was believed to love one woman only, Sita and was devoted to her but I am convinced Uncle Indran was more than Lord Rama to Aunty Archee just as she was more than Sita for Uncle Indran. This is the kind of love story that warms your heart and makes you believe in soul mates and true love.

Although Uncle Indran is no longer with us, we would just need to summon a fond memory of him to relive the happy moments and I am convinced Aunty Archee has a lifetime of loving and fond memories of her darling to sustain her.

Uncle, your love story is inspiring, it will be a tough act to follow.

Being a Woman

It has actually been 4 months since I blogged. Which is not good as I told myself to blog consistently but life got into the way and promises are meant to be broken. I know, excuses, excuses.

But I have been getting my fair share of writing done in other platforms so I wouldn't exactly say that I have been out of touch.

What would like I to comment today? Well, my son turns 9 months old today and he has been in Melaka with his grandma for a few days. As much I miss his gummy smiles, I am enjoying my uninterrupted sleep. Something mothers of young children could relate to. Having adequate sleep has helped me to be more efficient in dealing with the myriad of things I do on daily basis and I feel so productive. But then again, I do miss him a lot. He is my happy pill.

I had the opportunity to meet a bunch of inspiring ladies at Coca Cola Bottlers (M) Sdn Bhd last Friday in an initiative mooted by TalentCorp for their Career Comeback Programme. The ladies were inspiring. I could just listen or talk to them all day long. It is evident from what was shared that they are able to climb the corporate ladder because of the support system they have. I often worry about the children when I have meetings or events as we do not have a helper at home and we rely on the babysitter. She is incredibly nice. Nice to the extend that she stitched a skirt from her old curtain when Pebbles peed in her pants and had nothing to wear for the bottom. My sister commented that it was very like Scarlett O'Hara.

But yeah, she is nice and adores the kids but she is also elderly and it is unfair for us to leave the kids with her till really late. So that is always my concern. But that interaction I had or rather the 15 of us had with these ladies opened up my eyes on the possibility of doing work or even pursuing my dreams inspite of my children. Having children should not be an obstacle. Instead it should encourage you to be a better woman.

But it is not easy. Many a times I have rocked Baba (That's my son's nickname by the way) on my lap while I navigated slides on the laptop for clients. Personally, I don't think it is professional but thankfully client was an understanding person and that was when the babysitter was not free so I had no choice.

On a serious note, it would be wonderful if the kids can be taken care of from 9am to 6pm while I get some productive work done. Since I am an entrepreneur, timing is not fixed therefore I sincerely believe I would thrive in a different environment hence me looking out for a full time job.

That task alone has posed so much of problems for me. Back in June when I decided to go back to the corporate world, I naturally sought out my former employers but there were no encouraging feedback. Although I felt dejected I soldiered on but it is not easy. Nobody wants to hire a woman who has been out of the corporate world for 3 years although she has tried to stay relevant by doing freelance work. Nobody! Zilch! it is very upsetting. To date, I have sent out so many copies of my resume. Spoken to many people. Met strangers to obtain advice on 'how to massage my resume' to appear more marketable. So yeah, it has been frustrating but I try to be positive by telling myself that everything happens for a reason and that I am learning something from this whole experience. What exactly? that I am not sure yet :P

Many times I have told myself that I should not have quit my job but I wouldn't trade the 3 years I am out of the Corporate World for anything else as I have learned a lot. The experience opened up new vistas for me. Although I did not gain any monetary value but I gained many more friends and learnings from the interactions I had from them. And I learned a lot more about myself. About the kind of person I am and the kind of person I want to be.

So if you ask me if it is difficult being a woman in this Era, I would say Hell Yeah! But I would also say 'So What?' all these difficulities are only going to toughen us up and isn't that a good thing? So stop lamenting and start living. I am a daughter, I am a wife, I am a Mother and most importantly I am a Woman and I am so darn proud of being one. It is a badge I would wear with pride.

Who run the world? Girls!