A fine young lady

You know how I like to observe people and look out for their best qualities? After a long time, I found myself admiring a 15 year old girl who is none other than my hubby's cousin's kid.Technically she is my niece too.

In times where kids are now ignorant of good values, it is certainly like a breath of fresh air when I spend time with this young lady. She is pretty, smart and confident plus very grounded. She does not have a hint of smugness on her although it is apparent she is an all rounder; excellent in sports,music and academic.

What I like most about her is how attuned she is to people's needs. Simple example is when everyone is gathered at a place chit chatting, she makes sure no one is without a chair. And speaks to everyone!

My in laws are now staying with her family as my father in law needs follow up check at the hospital and unlike any teenager who would lock up himself or herself in the room, this young lady takes the effort in engaging with conversations with my in laws including my grumpy father in law. It shows what a sensitive soul, she is.

She is competitive yet plays fair and is close to her cousins. She is the oldest among the grandchildren so the rest of the kids look up to her. She is strict with them but also smothers them with much love.

I commented once to her father, what a great job he and his wife had done raising such a wonderful young lady and he simply answered that it is all her doing meaning it's an innate thing.

That makes me wonder how do you inculcate that in a child? How do I ensure Pebbles behaves the same way at 15?

My parents hardly lectured us on values but we picked them up along the journey of life.We respect the elders and offer opinions in a civil way and although we may not be brave or outspoken like nowadays kids, we had a fairly great childhood.

For a person (me) who has had self esteem issues all her life, I am amazed at how easily my niece navigates life although being imposed with burdens of being the first child of the family just like myself.Hubby as usual mentioned that sports helped her greatly in shaping her confidence and good values. I agree but I also believe she has the extra ingredient that makes her stand out from the rest of 15 year olds.

As old fashioned as I sound, I find it very imperative for a person to have respect.I firmly believe one gives and takes respect. Greeting people with a sincere heart is one of the finest quality a person can have and I am so glad my niece has that.

When you build your life on the basis of respect, you have already laid a solid foundation and the chances of going astray is very very slim.

This young niece of mine is going to go places and make a name for herself.I don't have a shadow of a doubt that she is going to lead a very contented life simply because she has it in her. As for me, as much as I am proud of the responsible and respectful young lady she has become, I am blessed that Pebbles has a role model to look up to.

I learn a lot from people I meet and mingle and from this niece of mine, I have learned to have an open heart and face life headlong.

Thank you, sweets..

Unblock your Chi

My cousin and I attended a preview talk the other day on unblocking the chi in us to lead a healthier life. Chi is basically energy in Chinese.

It is believed that the aches and pains we experience are caused by two factors:

1. External factor
    Too much exposure to these elements can bring on diseases:

• heat
• wind
• cold
• humidity

2. Internal factors are your inner desires. Apparently, if you experience any of the following emotions with high intensity, a particular organ can be affected.

    a. Joy=Heart

    b. Anger=Liver

    c. Anxiety=Spleen

    d. Worry=Stomach

    e. Sadness=Lung

    f.  Fear=Kidney

    g. Shock=Sexual Organ

The trainer even conducted a demo on a person, asking a series of questions to identify the root cause of her neck pain and subsequently easing her pain using a magnetic ball.

The 2 hr talk was a preview to the actual training program which will be held from Jan 7-10

 2016 in KL but it costs a whooping RM10k!

Way too expensive for us but at least we got something out of this preview talk. 

A few members in my laws and I have a WatsApp group where we share information on alternative lifestyle so when I updated them about the talk we attended, SIL No.1 commented that the reason she had a heart attack was because she was overjoyed to which the Guruji in the group (the uncle who preaches meditation) cheekily added what were the consequences faced by her husband when he received the shock of his life..hahaha

When Chi is unblocked, you are liberated from the negativity that bogs you down and your subconscious mind just becomes stronger which would benefit other aspects of your life so it is apparent that the change should start within.

So here's to positive chi

Image from Google

The Love for Language

I love languages. As much as I would have liked to master more languages, age is proving to be a huge obstacle (Oh yeah, I am simply giving excuses). I have been undergoing translation class for the past week and and I am now onto the second week and trust me guys, it is not easy!

The first two days, we were inundated with nouns and grammar and our heads (my classmates and mine) were spinning like tops (Gasing). It is very interesting yet frustrating because the norm is we go with whatever that sounds right in our head (or heart) which most of the time is not right. Note: It's Martabak, guys not Murtabak..tee hee

Over the weekend, I had the opportunity to assess some students who have applied for scholarship from a reputable company. This company hired another independent company to conduct the assessment and in turn this company hired a group of people with diverse backgrounds to be assessors all in the name of being neutral, me being one of them :)

Honestly, I was a little disappointed with the command of language these kids had. They could neither speak fluently in English nor Bahasa Melayu and it was saddening. I don't know, maybe I had very high expectations but the general comments from the other assessors were of similar nature besides commenting that the kids were not putting in much effort. They are the future of our country!

Coming back to the topic of language, I rarely meet someone who can speak both English and BM fluently and I find that very odd especially people of other countries can converse comfortably in their mother tongue besides English. So who is to be blamed? The education system? Our parents? Or ourselves? Or is it something inherent? Don't you find it disturbing that a Bangladeshi can speak BM more fluently that our kids? I do! I think they are highly adaptable in mastering languages.

I am as guilty in not being fluent in these two languages. I speak and write proficiently (I think la) in English. Sadly after school, I don't speak and write fluently in BM anymore. I love BM. It's a beautiful language and I have already made a mental note in ensuring Pebbles be fluent in English, BM, Tamil and Mandarin.

The past few days have taught me the importance of writing and speaking right in both languages and it is so much fun learning to do just that. One of our instructors even mentioned that one good thing in doing translation work is you get to be smarter as you tend to be on the look out for new words and also constantly correcting/translating sentences mentally which is so cool (Who wouldn't like that?)

Personally, I get so worked up when I come across Malay phrases that have been modified with English words in it to appear more hype like kipidap = Keep it up, doter= daughter, sukses=success and many more. Come on guys, cintailah bahasa kita!

Although the year is almost ending, I have made a resolution to learn how to speak and write both languages excellently. How about you?

Image from Google

Devotion

One of Sadhguru's (the famed Indian yogi and mystic) pebbles of wisdom goes like this 'Every aspect of my life is soaked in devotion. Devotion not for a God above, but for all that is around me'. I am not a religious person but I do believe in God and in the fact that there are many ways to reach Him (hence the many religions). This particular phrase struck a chord within me as I firmly believe that humans should practise 'Godliness' characteristics with everything around them i.e animals, the environment and fellow human beings. In my opinion, devotion is definitely one of the finest and purest characteristics a human should have.

If you ask me who is the most devoted person I know, without a shadow of a doubt I would mention my mother in law who is lovingly known as Aunty Archee. All the myths and jokes on mothers in law certainly do not apply to mine. On the contrary, she is the most sweetest, gentlest and most devoted person you would have ever seen.

For the past (almost) three years, I have seen her struggling in life without a word of complaint. When her mother was alive but unwell, she would attend to her mother's needs patiently. There was once when I was in Melaka for a visit, my mother in law was feeding her mother porridge, bit by bit and at the same time encouraging her mother to eat so she could get better. Appache was tired and a little grumpy, told off her daughter repeatedly she had enough but Aunty Archee lovingly told her mother that she needed to eat before she took her medicine and continued feeding her.In my mind, I knew that any regular person would have given up because she herself was tired due to lack of rest.Somehow that memory got stuck in my mind and many other incidents after that had further solidified the fact that my mother in law is indeed a saint.

She took it very badly when her mother passed away. I remember the scene in the hospital vividly when she was wailing for her mother. I couldn't do anything except hold her and try to comfort her. Like a little girl, she was calling out for her Amma. It was heart breaking. She was devoted to her mother. Even now when she speaks about Appache, it is evident how much she adored her mother.

Soon after, Pebbles was born and my husband and I thought it was good to spend some days in Melaka during my confinement. She was ecstatic when we were home. She willingly took care of Pebbles when I needed some rest and also painstakingly prepared my confinement meals without the help of a maid. She never once complained of aches although I have seen her wincing in pain at night when she finally gets to sit down and watch some TV. 

Although she is completely besotted with Pebbles, she is very attuned to the sensitivity of her older grandchild, Shiv whom she has been taking care since he was a baby. Eight year old Shiv feels a little threatened whenever Pebbles is down but his grandmother never made him feel less loved. Once, he was unhappy with all the attention towards Pebbles and threw a fit but Aunty Archee lovingly explained to him that her grandchildren are equal and he should understand the fact that there hasn't been a baby in the house for a long time hence all the attention.She is definitely the United Nations in the house.   

My mother in law's safe and secured world once again rocked when my sister in law (her daughter) had a heart attack in Singapore during a short break there. She was devastated but quickly recovered to attend to her needs as my sister in law moved into her parents' house for a short while. When we visited her, it was evident Aunty Archee was shattered and worried sick but she put on a brave front for everyone sake. She went about doing what she does best, devoting her time and effort to make her daughter well again.

The sure sign of devotion is obvious in the relationship my mother in law has with her husband. Uncle Indran in his hey day was a flamboyant and authoritative figure. Heart ailments and the amputation of half of his right foot have reduced his social outings considerably and he spends most of the time at home now. This had affected his jovial demeanour greatly and there are times he is moody and grumpy but Aunty Archee never once raised her voice at him in irritation. I always see her smiling and swatting at his knee in jest. Whenever they go out, she patiently puts on his shoe. Mind you, she is a 69 year old grandma, who has the regular aches but she always makes sure his comfort is her first priority. Just in the past one month, my father in law had been admitted twice in the hospital and both times, she opted to stay back in the hospital to take care of him. There was no proper bed for her in the hospital and she fell twice in the hospital due to lack of rest. She hurt her arm quite badly but continued to soldier on to care for her husband. She obviously does all this for her husband out of love and sheer devotion.

Every man would want to marry a girl like his mother but my husband once told me that nobody can be like his mother to which I did not take any offence simply because it is true, she has set the bar so high as a devoted daughter, wife, sister, mother, mother in law and grandmother of which I am afraid nobody would be able to reach.

Unknowingly, Aunty Archee practises Godliness and I am truly blessed to have her as my mother in law so I can continue learning from her.

My mother in law, Aunty Archee and my father in law, Uncle Indran

Inside out

It was a long and anxious wait to watch this movie and boy am I glad I watched it simply because it was AWESOME! (May I add with a capital A, W, E, S, O, M, E)

I have always loved watching animation simply because of its wonderful story line, the heartfelt messages, beautiful display of colours and the sheer ingenuity of the team in making the characters come alive. So although I love movies,I always have a soft spot for animations (much to my husband's despair, he thinks it is a waste of money to watch them in the cinema, pbtfff)

Well, I obviously read the reviews and the synopsis of the movie before I watched it (simply because I don't like surprises and also to understand the movie better). The moment it was on (after the heart warming Volcano story) I let myself relax and enjoy the movie of which I did immensely.

I laughed, I cried, I sighed and I smiled contentedly throughout the movie and I can't help but think how nice would it be if all the kids watch it with their parents? It's the best movie of the year to watch with them (Move over, Frozen) And also I am already plotting how to break the news to my husband that I want an 'Inside Out' theme birthday party for Pebbles! I I am definitely going to be Disgust (I am so her!) Husband might be Anger :P

Not surprisingly, I couldn't stop thinking about the movie and the impact it has made in my life (thanks Disney Pixar!) so I set about reading up more about it and watching all the interesting videos on You Tube (gosh these guys are geniuses!)

A further 'investigation' led to the findings that the director of the movie even enlisted the help of a psychologist who studies emotions and professor of psychology to build the story board. (How cool is that?)

It's mind blowing to even fathom the depth of the research the team had taken up to come up with such a simple yet profound offering. 'Inside Out' will definitely win the Oscar for Best Animation (Mark my words, I am a pro at predicting Oscar winners).

I was thinking long and hard on how shall I write about the movie. Do I write a review? But there were already a million of them in print and online so I thought I would just write top 10 reasons why YOU, yes You should watch it. Here goes:

1. It's a Disney Pixar production (Need I say more ? duh, remember Up, Brave and Toy Story?!)
2. You will learn what happens to the human mind when emotions set it
3. You will find out why it is important to have the 5 main emotions within you. It's crucial to have check and balance
4. You will learn how to maintain your core personality islands
5. You will find out what happens when your memories fade
6. The notion that relationships are very important in life will be reiterated (we need constant reminders, thank you very much)
7. It tells you that growing up can be a painful process and it is OK to be sad about it
8. It will make you feel all warm and fuzzy after watching it (you might shed some tears)
9. You will find out why some songs get stuck in your head (finally, some answers!)
10. Lastly, a great movie for the whole family to watch. Complex enough for the adults yet easy enough for the children to understand (sorry for being oxymoron, here)

So guys, be prepared to fall in love with Joy, Disgust, Fear, Anger and Sadness (you will, trust me) and also the adorable Bing Bong. This movie will definitely be in the list of movies I want Pebbles to watch when she is older (Yes, I have a list)

Image from Google

Remember, always listen to the voices in your head

No Arms, No Legs, No Worries!

That's the title of Nick Vujicic's DVD for young people of which I have added to my 'Must Watch List'.

I 'came' across Nick years ago during a program in the office when a trainer aired his video. I saw a limbless young man with an ear piece talking to a group of youngsters. He was funny and upbeat but his message of living life to the fullest and never limiting ourselves moved us to tears (I was sobbing so hard, thank god I had tissues to wipe away the snot).

You know how things happen for a reason? Well just over two weeks ago, I attended another training (I am a sucker for training programs) and the same video was shown. While this time, I could control my tears (OK I did shed a tear or two, I am after all a sensitive pooh), I focused on really understanding his inspiring message. Here we have in modern times, among us a remarkable individual who never let his condition to be a hindrance in life. Instead he saw it as a blessing to achieve so many milestones (do you know he can drive?) and has chosen to share his inspiring stories by becoming a prolific motivational speaker.

Just yesterday,as I spent some (OK, a lot) of time surfing the channels on TV, a show of Nick was on. This time it showed his gorgeous wife and adorable son (they are expecting another one now) It looked like a typical family of three just like me, my husband and Pebbles. I watched Nick as a whole person in fact he is and he is perfect. The joy, love and appreciation he emanates towards God, his family and friends are obvious. 'Coming' across him again had nudged me to write about him and spread his goodness to my fellow readers.

In the show, there was a scene where he was about to take a shower and he actually removed his T-shirt without any help! Next, he shampooed his hair by squirting some shampoo on his head and proceeded to rub his head against the wall. My heart swelled with pride (I am a mother now, I can easily 'swell with pride') Being able to shower by himself is an achievement he is proud of. The beauty here is Nick takes the effort and time to appreciate the little things we 'limbed' people take for granted. 

Nick loves the water. Although he would not be able to swim like Michael Phelps, he can be underwater for 4 whole minutes because the oxygen in his body does not need to be pumped to his arms and legs. He finds that cool and so do I. He can also play golf and even goes fishing!

The message here is, Nick may have the world's most supportive and loving family as well as friends but if he did not have the willpower to do what he wanted, he would have been a vegetable. Reflect this guys, how many of us spend the hours away wishing for better things in life so we would be happier? It is about time we appreciate the things we have in life and strive to do the very best. In my opinion, if the brain is the most powerful tool, then Nick's whole body is filled with brains. I don't have anything but deep respect for this extraordinary human being. 

For those who are reading this, I really hope you would be able to check out and share his simple yet powerful videos with your family especially the younger kids (I can't wait to show them to Pebbles)

Nick has a knack of making you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I can't wait to see him in person and give him a bear hug. I am sure Pebbles would love to shower him with sloppy kisses on his handsome face.

What a gorgeous sight?

Nick with his son, Kiyoshi

Image from Google

My Grandmother-in-Law

I have many role models in my life;people I look up to for the admirable qualities they have. One of them is my mother-in-law's mother whom everyone affectionately calls 'Appache' . Today would have been her 97th birthday. She passed away last year in April and her absence is still greatly felt.

Everyone who knew her and touched by her simplicity would definitely be reminiscing about her on this special day including myself. Appache was the strong silent type. She is, in my eyes the epitome of someone who had lived to her fullest potentials and capabilities. Here, I am going to outline her exemplary habits which resonate with Stephen Covey's 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

Habit 1: Be Proactive

Some years ago, Appache left her house in Segamat to live with my in laws in Melaka as they did not want her to live alone in the big house. Although she was no longer living there,she ensured all her bills were paid on time and she even had a small book which she recorded reminders and notes so she would not forget (written in Tamil neatly).Every other month, she would ring up her children or grandchildren to find out who was available to take her to Segamat. She was aware of their schedule and took it upon herself to make arrangements to go to her house and even to her doctor's appointments.

During the only trip I followed her and my husband to Segamat, I was amazed at how detailed she was in her instructions to her house's caretaker and how she made sure she gave him the right amount of money to settle a few chores in the house. Appache was very meticulous.

Habit 2: Begin with End in Mind

Appache had a fall in February 2013 and fractured her hip bone and shoulder and underwent multiple surgeries. She was bedridden for a while but was determined to be up and about as she had some unfinished business to attend to which included attending our wedding in December 2013. 

Being the focused person she was, she worked hard to ensure she walked again often with the accompaniment of strenuous physio activities of which any regular person would have given up after a day or two. Not Appache. She always said that she never wanted to be a burden to anyone by being bedridden therefore she had the burning desire to be able to walk again and fend for herself.

She ensured she would not rest until all her affairs were put in order. She was 95 then. Needless to say, much to our happiness Appache attended our wedding without the aid of a wheelchair or even a walking stick. She had a big smile on her face as she showered her blessings on me and my husband on our important day; a sight that would never fade from my memory.

Habit 3: Put First Things First

Nothing superseded family for Appache. Her family ALWAYS came first and this did not apply only to her immediate family members but also the extended ones. She was and is always seen as the regal matriarch of the family.

The importance of family and the need of constantly looking out for each other are the values she had effectively inculcated in her children, grandchildren and even great grand children.

Habit 4:Think Win-Win

My husband and I dated for 6 years before we got married. I used to follow him to Melaka now and then and had the chance of spending some time with Appache. Although she belonged to an era where 'unsupervised' courtship was not allowed, she never once chided me or my husband. 

However,using her experiences, she offered nuggets of advice in building long term relationships based on mutual respect and benefit which is prevalent in her family members' relationship with their own families. She also emphasised on the importance of building trust with your spouse. 

According to my mother in law, although Appache and her husband were 12 years apart and had different behaviours, they had a successful marriage based on the mutual love they shared for each other and for their family, a legacy which I am determined to continue.

Habit 5: Seek First to Understand than to be Understood

Apache undoubtedly was the world's best listener. She was emphatic and gave her honest feedback. If you needed a secret keeper, she was the one you would go to. I had, on many occasions confided in her and in her gentle ways she had given me assurances that things would get better by including me in her prayers and also reminding me to believe in myself. She was direct yet tactful and honest yet sympathetic, a rare quality indeed.

Habit 6: Synergize

Although Appache was determined and focused, she was not hard headed. She was definitely not a believer of 'it's my way or the high way' but definitely a staunch believer of 'our way'. She was aware of her limitations and often she was chided for wanting to do something which may appear as inconceivable to others so instead of surrendering in despair, she sought new and better alternatives. With this attitude I believe Appache was more than capable of running this country instead of you know who?! 

Habit 7: Sharpen your Saw

Although it seemed like her life revolved around her family, Appache knew the importance of maintaining her effectiveness. She was an avid fan of cross stitch, a great cook and had green fingers. She was aware of the importance of eating right to maintain maximum health and was a devout Hindu.

Appache's life was not without tragedies. She lost her father and youngest sister to Typhoid at a young age. Her 6th child died at the age of 9 after a bout of sickness. Her husband died in his sleep. Her first born whom she was very close to as he lived with her in Segamat and also only 17 years younger than her passed away right after celebrating her 79th birthday. All these incidents devastated her but they did not make her a bitter person instead they reinforced her beliefs that nothing is permanent in life and life must always go on, a phrase which is easier said than done but she practiced it.

Appache had far more qualities than what I had written but I wrote this specially for my husband who is now at a juncture in his life where he needs Appache's guidance, love and support more than ever. I hope he finds some solace in reading this because we all know she is watching over us from above as our guardian angel and will forever have our best interest in her pure and loving heart.

Happy Birthday Appache. We miss you

Appache blessing us on our wedding day

“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” Maya Angelou