Everyone who knew her and touched by her simplicity would definitely be reminiscing about her on this special day including myself. Appache was the strong silent type. She is, in my eyes the epitome of someone who had lived to her fullest potentials and capabilities. Here, I am going to outline her exemplary habits which resonate with Stephen Covey's 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
Habit 1: Be Proactive
Some years ago, Appache left her house in Segamat to live with my in laws in Melaka as they did not want her to live alone in the big house. Although she was no longer living there,she ensured all her bills were paid on time and she even had a small book which she recorded reminders and notes so she would not forget (written in Tamil neatly).Every other month, she would ring up her children or grandchildren to find out who was available to take her to Segamat. She was aware of their schedule and took it upon herself to make arrangements to go to her house and even to her doctor's appointments.
During the only trip I followed her and my husband to Segamat, I was amazed at how detailed she was in her instructions to her house's caretaker and how she made sure she gave him the right amount of money to settle a few chores in the house. Appache was very meticulous.
Habit 2: Begin with End in Mind
Appache had a fall in February 2013 and fractured her hip bone and shoulder and underwent multiple surgeries. She was bedridden for a while but was determined to be up and about as she had some unfinished business to attend to which included attending our wedding in December 2013.
Being the focused person she was, she worked hard to ensure she walked again often with the accompaniment of strenuous physio activities of which any regular person would have given up after a day or two. Not Appache. She always said that she never wanted to be a burden to anyone by being bedridden therefore she had the burning desire to be able to walk again and fend for herself.
She ensured she would not rest until all her affairs were put in order. She was 95 then. Needless to say, much to our happiness Appache attended our wedding without the aid of a wheelchair or even a walking stick. She had a big smile on her face as she showered her blessings on me and my husband on our important day; a sight that would never fade from my memory.
Habit 3: Put First Things First
Nothing superseded family for Appache. Her family ALWAYS came first and this did not apply only to her immediate family members but also the extended ones. She was and is always seen as the regal matriarch of the family.
The importance of family and the need of constantly looking out for each other are the values she had effectively inculcated in her children, grandchildren and even great grand children.
Habit 4:Think Win-Win
My husband and I dated for 6 years before we got married. I used to follow him to Melaka now and then and had the chance of spending some time with Appache. Although she belonged to an era where 'unsupervised' courtship was not allowed, she never once chided me or my husband.
However,using her experiences, she offered nuggets of advice in building long term relationships based on mutual respect and benefit which is prevalent in her family members' relationship with their own families. She also emphasised on the importance of building trust with your spouse.
According to my mother in law, although Appache and her husband were 12 years apart and had different behaviours, they had a successful marriage based on the mutual love they shared for each other and for their family, a legacy which I am determined to continue.
Habit 5: Seek First to Understand than to be Understood
Apache undoubtedly was the world's best listener. She was emphatic and gave her honest feedback. If you needed a secret keeper, she was the one you would go to. I had, on many occasions confided in her and in her gentle ways she had given me assurances that things would get better by including me in her prayers and also reminding me to believe in myself. She was direct yet tactful and honest yet sympathetic, a rare quality indeed.
Habit 6: Synergize
Although Appache was determined and focused, she was not hard headed. She was definitely not a believer of 'it's my way or the high way' but definitely a staunch believer of 'our way'. She was aware of her limitations and often she was chided for wanting to do something which may appear as inconceivable to others so instead of surrendering in despair, she sought new and better alternatives. With this attitude I believe Appache was more than capable of running this country instead of you know who?!
Habit 7: Sharpen your Saw
Although it seemed like her life revolved around her family, Appache knew the importance of maintaining her effectiveness. She was an avid fan of cross stitch, a great cook and had green fingers. She was aware of the importance of eating right to maintain maximum health and was a devout Hindu.
Appache's life was not without tragedies. She lost her father and youngest sister to Typhoid at a young age. Her 6th child died at the age of 9 after a bout of sickness. Her husband died in his sleep. Her first born whom she was very close to as he lived with her in Segamat and also only 17 years younger than her passed away right after celebrating her 79th birthday. All these incidents devastated her but they did not make her a bitter person instead they reinforced her beliefs that nothing is permanent in life and life must always go on, a phrase which is easier said than done but she practiced it.
Appache had far more qualities than what I had written but I wrote this specially for my husband who is now at a juncture in his life where he needs Appache's guidance, love and support more than ever. I hope he finds some solace in reading this because we all know she is watching over us from above as our guardian angel and will forever have our best interest in her pure and loving heart.
Happy Birthday Appache. We miss you
Appache blessing us on our wedding day
“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” Maya Angelou
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