Eulogy of a Great Woman

 Heamaashini Nadarajah Jason spent many hours interviewing her aunts and uncles as well as her cousins and other extended family members to collect stories a great woman she calls Paati. It is not easy to weave a story about someone who is so dear and loved by all by piecing together so many recollections and memories of her. This is her labour of love for her dear paati.

‘Shamu! Shamu!’ called Bibi, the Punjabi neighbour to No. 291, Kampong Basong, Kuala Kangsar. ‘Saya ada bawak surat anak dari London. Mana Appu? Suruh dia baca’. Appu dutifully took the letter and read aloud to his mother’s good friend. The ‘Kampong’ also housed two other good friends – Muthamma and Valli. Growing up, Shamu was always portrayed as a shy and quiet person but soon made fast friends with these wonderful women. They formed a lifelong friendship in the ‘Kampong’ and over the years their children became childhood friends. Shamu then became Shambu amma.

 Shamu or her full name Sampurnam was born on the 4^th November 1923 in Kuala Kangsar to Ramayee - Ayyasamy. They had 4 other children – Kuppusamy, Kasiammal, Krishnasamy and Chelliae. Her siblings always described her as a kind and patient sister. Ramayee being a forward - thinking person, placed all her three daughters at the convent school in Taiping where Sampurnam picked up the English language and crocheting. She was 10 then. Meanwhile, Ramayee had formed a friendship with Allamellu who was back from India bringing along her younger brother, Nadeson. Allamellu was very much taken to Sampurnam’s demeanour and proposed to her for her brother. In 1939, the 16-year-old quiet and shy Sampurnam got married to the 24-year-old handsome Nadeson. The wedding took place in Mr&Mrs Periathamby’s (Allamellu) home near the Kuala Kangsar railway station. Nadeson started off working in Grik but Sampurnam soon felt homesick so they moved into Allamellu’s home at No.290, Kampung Basong, Kuala Kangsar. Nadeson started working for his brother-in-law’s bus company as a bus conductor. They lived on at No. 290 until they moved to No.291 (Ramayee’s house) in 1950. Ramayee stayed on with the couple for a few years before she passed away.

A blurred picture of the newlyweds

Allamellu had 9 grown children of her own and because of the small age gap, instead of calling Sampurnam; Athey, they all referred to her as Akka. Over time they became a big yet close knit family. When Allamellu and Periathamby passed away, as the only living relative in the country, Nadeson and Sampurnam stayed connected and continued their duty as mama and attey.

Sampurnam's nieces and nephews

Sampurnam was a dutiful and respectful wife and although they lived through modest means, she managed the household cleverly using firewood and gas light. They were blessed with 9 healthy children; 3 boys and 6 girls – Avalli, Thambiyah, Mani, Baba, Appu, Lale, Mala, Ushah and Jayn. Sampurnam remained quiet in nature, sweet, patient and loving to each and every one of her children who had different yet distinctive traits. She cooked and cleaned all through her life and bustled about from the early hours through late nights without a sigh.

The longest lived-in daughter in law was Selvi, having spent 29 years with Sampurnam. They lived in harmony at No.291 as they got accustomed to each other and fell naturally into the dutiful task as wives to their loving husbands. Sampurnam always woke up at 6 a.m., bathed and mixed a pot of coffee before heading out to sweep the dry leaves off the porch. She would then pluck flowers and performed the morning prayers before starting to make breakfast. One of her famous recipes is the thengga paal appam that she made in a tiny wok. She grated her coconut using the wooden coconut grater. She also made very tasty surul appam. Sampurnam would then serve her husband breakfast. Both mother in law and daughter in law always sat and ate their meals together after the entire family has eaten. Her daily life involved reading the Malaysian Nanban and Makkal Osai, helping Selvi out at the kitchen, watching tamil serials such as Annamalai and Chitthi, folding clothes, evening prayers, reading the tamil magazines such as Thendral and Vaanam Badi before dozing off around 11 p.m. Sampurnam always served her husband for all the meals as he preferred it that way.

 Lord Vinayagar was her favourite deity therefore she always looked forward to attending the 10 day prayers at the Kuala Kangsar Vinagayar temple ubhayam and on the 10^th day, would patiently await until the chariot comes by at night. She was very much a homely person and never quite enjoyed going to her friends’ houses to catch up but they would rather come by and have a chit chat with her. Selvi remembers fondly that in that 29 years, she never had any arguments with her mother in law who was a gem of a person.

Sampurnam and Nadeson lived together with her son Appu and family for close to 30 years

All 6 daughters were blessed as their mother Sampurnam took care of them lovingly whenever they delivered their children. She had bathed all her grandchildren and cooked for her daughters during the confinement period. Despite being slender, she would expertly manoeuvre the ammi and thosai kalle to cook for her daughters. She was there to support them during their confinement period and helped to look after them and their babies. She was always obliging as she puts the others’ needs before hers.

Sampurnam with her 6 daughters. She took care of them, their babies and their grand babies too

Forever Amma's boys

Her six daughters would always credit Sampurnam for tasteful dishes such as afternoon tea snacks – the ‘gandum, pulut and green pea’ kanji. For Deepavali, she often made her famous chithhu urandai and chippi. Sampurnam sewed her daughters’ dresses when they were young. When her oldest daughter Avalli got married, Sampurnam stitched her wedding saree blouse. She also enjoyed cross stitches. Sampurnam only wears white saree blouses with all her sarees which was a smart move as she didn’t need to worry about matching them and she even had a gang of ladies who did the same.

 She was an animal lover and always fed the cats and dogs before she sat down to eat. She would nurse their wounds with turmeric. She was handy around the house as she made her own cement to cover holes on the floor. She played the knowledgeable medicine woman too. Whenever anyone had a headache instead of getting them to pop a pill, she would tie the napkin tightly around the forehead to stop the throbbing and soothe the restless with her calm voice. She has served and fed many children and adults alike selflessly. And was always ready to serve house guests and visitors. The time where nobody spoke of or to the people who helped to clean the sewage buckets early in the morning, Sampurnam can be seen serving them breakfast and coffee and talking to them. She truly believed in treating people equally.

 As the children got married, her role as a woman evolved as she became a mother in law. If one asked her sons in law and daughters in law about Sampurnam, the usual words would be she was kind, humble and soft spoken. She possessed the patience to bridge the few slight misunderstandings that naturally occur in a large family. Her daughters always confided in her as she was calm and grounded and was a great listener. She was also quite witty in her own way in handling day to day issues and shared tips and tricks with her daughters on how to deal with their respective spouses. The family grew to 27 grandchildren, 46 great grandchildren and 1 great great grandchild. In 1999, her third son Appu and his wife, Selvi, organised Nadeson and Sampurnam’s 60^th wedding anniversary. It was held with great festivity as the siblings, children, in laws, grandchildren, nieces, nephews and friends witnessed the re-enactment of their wedding with much grandeur.

Nadeson and Sampurnam's actual 60th wedding anniversary ceremony in 1999

Her oldest son in law - Kandasamy, a man who loves his own mother tenderly always made sure his wife called and visited her own mother fequently. He always made sure that both his mother and mother in law were treated equally with love and respect. When both Sampurnam and Nadeson came to Nibong Tebal to stay, the second son in law Raman took excellent care of both of them. He loved and respected them both very much and the respect was mutual as Raman was a dignified and a man of his words. His brother was the third son in law – Appu. Her third son in law always regarded her as the best mother in law.

Her fourth son in law Jeya always said she was quiet but pleasant and was always motherly. He is indebted to her for willing to travel over 600 km with Nadeson to care for his daughters when they were babies. His brother Indran was the fifth son in law and he loved Sampurnam very much. To him, she was always so humble and kind. The youngest son in law Bala always said he was blessed to have Sampurnam as his second mother.

Her birthday party with her children and spouses

In May 2004, the third daughter Lale lost her husband. Both Nadeson and Sampurnam were there to lend their moral support as she struggled through the tough time with her two young daughters. Tragedy then struck again in August 2010 when Nadeson passed away after a brief illness. She was only 87 but having spent a huge chunk of her life with her husband; 71 years of marriage, his death was a big blow. He was 95. She then had to get used to living without having him next to her but she soldiered on. As she was residing in Nibong Tebal, she formed deep relationships with her grandchildren and great grandchildren and it was a joy as one saw it as love, friendship and respect. From tending to her grandbabies, Sampurnam had the opportunity to tend to her great grandbabies as well. She even bathed them in the traditional way of sitting on a low stool, having the baby on her stretched out legs while bathing the baby.

Sampurnam lived with her daughter Mani and her late husband, Raman for more than 10 years. Here is next to her great grandaughter, Nirashinni who has given her a great great grandaughter, Shivanny

Having spent her life busily tending to her growing family, Sampurnam finally had the chance to enjoy the simple pleasures of life. She was taken to the cinema to watch Katthi, went to Batu Ferringhi beach, stayed in a hotel and enjoyed her first hotel breakfast. She even experienced her first pedicure. She was a good sport and nothing fazed her although life whizzed by quickly. Despite her age, Sampurnam was a liberal thinking woman because when some of her grandchildren wanted to marry non-Hindus, she had no objections but advised them to ensure the person is good, responsible and takes care of the future spouse because that is all that mattered.

 She never shied away from spending time with each of her family members in ways that always made them feel special. She was motherly and was present in each and everyone’s lives. In 2012, her second son in law Raman passed away suddenly.  Both mother and daughter became closer as they found solace in each other to fill the absence of their respective loving spouses.

Despite some bleakness, life went on for Sampurnam punctuated with happy events such as weddings and births. However, she lost both her sons consecutively; Baba in 2018 and Thambiyah in 2019. Their passing took a toll on her as she never once thought she would outlive any of her children. She often said no matter the age, when your child dies, your heart breaks. No mother should ever go through this phase in their life. She relived memories of them by talking often about them and her life in Kuala Kangsar.

In December 2019, her eldest son in law passed away. Unable to travel long distance, Sampurnam felt bad that she could not be with her daughter but kept tabs on her through her other daughters. She was low in spirits so a few months later, her youngest daughter Jayn took her on a road trip along with her other two sisters; Mani and Lale back to Kuala Kangsar to cheer her up. The journey was video recorded and it was a jolly ride. They went down memory lane as they visited No. 291, and Valli’s children together with her brother’s family at Kenas Road.

Sampurnam had a special bond with each and every one of her children as they were very different from one another. Her eldest daughter – Avalli – was very much like a close friend as Sampurnam was only 18 when she had her. Thambiyah was her pillar of strength and even though he had migrated to Australia in the 70’s, he made a point to visit her annually up till 2017. Baba the charming son was always the one with a great sense of humour and generous with his hugs. Mani her second daughter was her confidante as they stayed together. Lale was the strict and honest daughter but loved her family fiercely and like her mother, she tended to the unwell selfessly. Appu was her youngest son and the closest to his mother. He lived with her after getting married and so did his children. Unlike her other daughters, Mala was spared from doing any household chores as she was always busy beautifying herself. She was also the one who always bought her trinkets. Usha was the shy and clingy daughter. Whenever there were sleepovers at No. 290, she would be scared of the dark and sounds of the night and always ended up going back to her mother in the middle of the night. She took her mother to all her hospital appointments. The youngest, Jayn was the sporting and hype daughter who took her out in car rides, told her jokes and took selfies and videos. Sampurnam always advised her children to be patient and tolerant and that caring for people should be of utmost importance. Remembering her advice, her children took good care of her during her last days.

As in any big family, events occur rather frequently and Sampurnam always made sure she would participate in them. From being there when any of her grandchildren were born to 16-day prayers, baby naming ceremony, ear piercing, head balding, coming of age ceremony, engagements, civil registrations, nallangu, muhurtha kaal to kalyanam and not forgetting birthdays, anniversaries, wedding receptions and even funerals she was present, lending her positive aura. She has gone to Penang, Perak, Selangor, Melaka, Kedah, Terengganu, Kelantan and even to Perth,Australia.

She always tried her best to participate in family functions

Sampurnam will remain sorely missed by her children, sons in law, daughters in law, nieces, nephews, grandchildren, grandchildren in law, great grandchildren, great grandchildren in law, great great grandchild and family friends for a very long time.

Her needs were very simple as she took interest in her children and grandchildren’s lives, always enquiring and giving advice when asked. Her personality was grounded, warm and motherly. The lessons she taught us and the values she stands for as she lived based on love, compassion, empathy, trust and respect. We have said our goodbyes but her values remain in our daily lives. She now lives in our hearts with warm and beautiful memories.

Sampurnam Ayya Samy

4.11.1923 - 1.9.2020

Sampurnam has many titles; wife, Amma, Aunty, Atte, Paati, Pooti and Kollu Paati and she embraced these titles proudly. We are so blessed, grateful and proud to have her in our lives.

She lived a full and complete life in its entirety. Just like her name; Sampurnam.

 

Curated & Written by Heamaashini Nadarajah Jason

Heamaashini fondly known as Hemy is Sampurnam's 18th grandchild

Our very own Frontliner Hero

When a cousin, Dr. Yasothini Arunachalam volunteered to be a frontliner, many of us had mixed feelings. We were proud of her but we were also worried about her safety. So when she returned home after the stipulated quarantine time, I seized the opportunity to find out from her about how was it like being in the defence team against the incredibly tiny yet destructive virus.

1. What was your reaction when you learned about the pandemic and its severity?

I was following the news closely and felt alarmed at the rising numbers and was quite worried about it.

2. What thoughts played on your mind when you volunteered as a frontliner?

I knew right away that I wanted to help because I have the skills to do so. Plus the clinic I worked at was closed so I was free. When I received an e-mail from CPRC asking for volunteers, I had a discussion with my husband and kids and they supported my decision to sign up as a frontliner. I did have some concerns as I have diabetes therefore I am a high risk but I was confident that I would be fully protected when executing my duties.

3. Did you face any form of resistance and discouragement from your extended family or friends? How did you manage that?

When tsunami struck in 2004, I wanted to join Mercy Malaysia but my children were very young and husband was working full time so I couldn’t volunteer therefore when this opportunity came, they gave the green light. My husband and kids reluctantly said that they would manage as they were older now and my husband was working from home. Even my mum said she was waiting for me to volunteer and cheekily added that she wanted to join me. Of course, I said no (laughs)

There were no outright discouragement from others and those who voiced their concerns about my safety only offered to include me in their prayers. I am blessed for the support and love everyone gave.

4. What was your day like during your voluntary days?

So three days after I filled up the form, I received the call to attend a briefing session at the National Institute of Health (NIH) in Setia Alam. By then, I had moved into my apartment. Every day I would drive to the Lembah Pantai  Health Office(PKLP), park my car there, attend the briefing, review the cases for the day followed by the daily plan before we are assigned to teams. Then we board the van to head to our zone. We are divided into 5 different tiers from registration, taking samples from the patients until the specimen is labelled to be sent to the lab. Each tier has specific tasks. My job involved screening the Sri Petaling tabligh cluster as well as the residents at Menara City One condominium, Selangor Mansion and Malayan Mansion.

5. What were your feelings when you were out there being a frontliner?

We were assigned to one of the Red Zones in KL which is the Masjid India area. Our team comprised of medical officers, nurses, health inspectors and medical assistants. And we worked hard for at least 5 hours non-stop. Honestly, we were too busy with work to feel fear of getting the virus but one can feel extremely agitated when wearing  the PPE with masks on. You would have to put it on for at least 2 hours and maximum up to 4 hours. You would not drink water or go to the toilet because you would not want to compromise your safety by removing the mask even for a few seconds to take a sip of water. So the unbearable heat and dehydration can really bear you down.

6. Did you ever have the fear that you would contract the virus when you were treating the patients?

On my first attempt of taking a swab from my patient, he vomited all over me. I panicked for a bit because this was my very first patient but I quickly got myself cleaned thoroughly immediately. So the worry was in the back of my mind but that patient was tested negative later on and that was a relief. He was extremely apologetic, poor guy.

Dr.Yasothini in her full gear

7. Did you face any uncooperative patients while you were carrying out your duties?

The patients (mostly migrant workers) understood the importance of being screened so they were very cooperative.  We had a little bit of communication problem (of which nothing simple sign language could solve)

8. What did you do manage the loneliness during your quarantine?

After the voluntary stint, I had to quarantine myself for two weeks. I took the opportunity to learn how to play the keyboard, I read a lot and visited my family (from afar) once a week. And to stay fit, I used the stairs up to 10 flights and gradually increased it to 30 flights before the quarantine ended. I lived on the 36th floor. Zoom calls with family and friends kept me company too. I did miss my bed though (apart from my family, of course)

9. Was the experience being a frontliner as what you had imagined?

Yes. I loved the adrenaline rush and to be able to do something for the country in this unprecedented times. I had chats with my friends in the public health sector who gave me some ideas of what to expect so I was mentally prepared. And I was so proud to see our team grow from 30 to 90 frontliners before my stint ended

10. What learnings have you acquired from this experience?

This virus has taught us that one can never take life for granted.  And it’s amazing to see how people of all walks of life come together to fight this virus without seeing race or hierarchy.

Although it is a catastrophe, it has also revealed the side of humans where we can be united when need be. Very similar to families, when needed we put our differences aside and come together.

11. What are your opinions about how Malaysia has done to combat this pandemic as compared to other countries?

I must say that the Public Health sector has done a fantastic job in taking the preliminary actions earlier on so we could manage the pandemic. As you know many countries out there are crippled by their overwhelmed and exhausted medical fraternity. I am convinced we have taken the right steps to keep it under control.

12. What is the one thing you believe would help to keep the pandemic at bay here in Malaysia?

To strictly adhere to the guidelines provided and rules set by the Health Ministry as well as the National Security Council. It will take some time before life gets back to how it used to be.

Her Own Person

The Movement Control Order was implemented on March 18, 2020 and was initially informed to be a two week order but has now been extended to another two weeks. It’s April 2^nd, 2020 and it is Day 16 here in Malaysia.

Late yesterday evening, we heard loud shouts from the opposite block (We live in a condominium complex; 14 blocks altogether) At first we thought it was a bunch of kids calling out their friends from their balconies. But it became louder. When we went out to our balcony, we saw many others out on the balcony as well, waving their handphones with the torch on. Just calling out and saying Hi. And somebody did a cool show with green light that got everyone cheering loudly. It lasted for 20 minutes, my kids were excited as well but I felt my chest tightened and tears sprang to my eyes. I am not sure what was the act all about but I felt it was a display of solidarity. That we are in this together and we will come out of it, together. Just when I had that word in my head, I came upon it again when I watched Idris Elba’s video on Goalcast emphasising the power of solidarity in the face of this horrible pandemic.

Solidarity means unity or agreement of feeling or action. That was what has been displayed by so many people all over the world. The frontliners is a commonly used word now that even my almost 6 year old knows it. The frontliner is the person who is part of the ecosystem that supports our new norm now. They are the foundation actually. Out there protecting the masses; medical fraternity, some politicians, armed personnel, food deliveries and the list goes on. I am of the ‘rakyat biasa’ who is doing her part by staying at home trying to break the chain of pandemic. How is it going so far, you ask? Will fill you in another time.

What I would like to share instead is my profound gratitude to a few individuals who in their own capacity has displayed selflessness in championing solidarity. They are basically regular people with big hearts and their actions have set off a ripple of positive reaction. I wanted to celebrate them for being themselves and I hope this little write up will do them justice. The list is in no particular order.

Image from Google

1. Angie Chin

Founder of Hanawomen Hub, Hanafundme.com and WonderWomen Asia, this enterprising woman and I first met a little over 2 years ago. We are the very personification of Yin and Yang yet we collaborate with each other perfectly. Angie is incredibly active on social media and is (tactfully) vocal about her views and opinions about everything under the sun. I personally don’t think she sleeps la. She is constantly bursting with ideas and loves sharing them with her friends. Angie is a true blue SME champion so when the Economic Stimulus Package was rolled out, she was the first few ones who raised her concerns and feedbacks and got the rest of us who are not so literate in economics to ponder. Angie is best in probing and making you think in different angles and that was what she did throughout this MCO,  she raised questions, made statements and even rallied us to make thank you messages for the frontliners of which she compiled and made a quick montage to be shared. While most of the SME owners are still mulling over on how to survive in this trying times, she has already formulated a business package to be activated once the MCO is over (told you she doesn’t sleep) I hope she knows how inspiring she is to so many people including me! Do follow Hanawomen Hub and Hanafundme.com for very exciting updates.

2. Viviantie Sarjuni

I first met Viviantie in January 2019 when Hanawomen Hub was launched. Our mutual friend is Angie. Viviantie is one of those people whom you would gravitate towards unknowingly as she exudes such positive aura and she is the sort who is everyone’s friend. Viviantie just like Angie is ‘anak jati’ Sabah. She has rolled out many initiatives to elevate the economic status of Sabahans. I love reading her updates on FB and found myself admiring her determination and deep love for her people. When the MCO announced, Viviantie was very concerned about her fellow people who did not possess a good comprehension of English and Bahasa Malaysia about Covid-19 and Dos and Don’ts of the MCO so she rallied her friends who got their friends to translate the messages in the various dialects in Sabah. There was also one done in sign language. Having translated these messages definitely helped to manage the panic and fear everyone had towards Covid-19. I have been a Malaysian for 30 odd years but this was the first time I heard so many dialects and I was floored by the commitment these lovely Sabahans had in ensuring their people get the message crystal clear.  Here’s letting you know what an amazing person you are Viviantie as you always put your heart and soul in all your endeavours. She recently joined the Sabah Creative Economy and Innovation Hub after a stint at MaGIC. All the best to you!

3. Hemavathy DM Suppiah

Hema is my dear friend whom I became friends with when we were mere dreamy 18 year olds. Although we grew up and mounted more commitments in our life and often go months without talking to each other, we often checked on each other. Hema is the sort of friend whom you would not have been in touch with for aeons but when you meet her, you just pick up the last thread of conversation and carry on. She is one of the most compassionate, caring and kind person I have ever known and recently these traits of hers were magnified through her actions. Hema and her mother are in KL during the MCO although they are actually based in Ipoh. She joined the voluntary group to supply food and essentials to people who needed them. She and her fellow volunteers summoned the courage to go out there and help the people who have been affected by MCO. They did this by being very diligent in ensuring all safety standards are met when they execute the tasks. She even managed to rally the support of her friends in Ipoh to help some families who were in need all the way from KL. Hema is generally attuned to people’s sufferings and takes extra effort to be the ear to listen, the shoulder to lean on and the hand to help. She is also a champion of mental health and often shares information about it.  I don’t think I have done enough justice by describing what a selfless person she is through my tribute because Hema always has a magical way with words and is an incredibly gifted writer. You are a hero, Hema. I am so proud to be your friend.

4. Kavi Vitya Kathiravelo

Kavi is my Yoga teacher who reignited the love towards Yoga in me with her simple approach. Apart from yoga, we share the love for great Tamil movies and 80’s Tamil songs. Kavi’s down to earth personality has garnered her many friends and also fans. She is a very hardworking person and is often finding ways to improve herself. When MCO was announced, Kavi’s business as a Yoga Instructor suffered as she could not operate her studio and also have her private and corporate classes. Instead of wallowing in self-pity, she started off online classes right away and that endeavour evolved into something better when she got other fitness enthusiasts to join her too in for other forms of fitness. She places much emphasis on mental health and stress management as well which are integral in living during MCO. I have always likened her to the Phoenix, the symbol of strength and renewal. She always rises amidst difficulties and that is such an admirable trait. A free spirit, Kavi is happiest bonding with Mother Nature. Although her business has been impacted, Kavi still insists on voluntary contribution for her online classes. I am so proud of you, Kavi. Can’t wait to start our yoga session soon (Due to being home bound with two chipmunks, I have not been able to follow her class. Excuses, I know) Please follow Kavi and her company; Vityalayaworldwide on IG and FB for exciting updates on the world of Yoga and also her online classes.

5. Arzierin and Hanna

These two ladies are joint recipient of the Awesome Woman recognition (by me) These two ladies are the 2/3 of a new initiative called Women CareerAspiration Network (WeCAN) the 1/3 is me la. We started this initiative to support women who wish to re-launch their careers. Fairly new in business, we had an interesting line up of activities for the members only to have them on hold because of MCO. But these ladies put on their thinking caps to further inject enthusiasm and motivation for the women to go out there and find their dream job. Do you know a lot of companies are actually hiring now? I found out from them myself. Appropriate learning interventions are shared regularly and pep talks (via messages) are given  just to keep the hopes high among our fellow ladies. They are the true epitome of sisterhood who only wish to lift you up. When they found out that I was feeling down as my business is impacted because of the pandemic, they readily offered monetary assistance. Such kind souls and I am so honoured to run this WeCAN initiative with them simply because their heart is in the right place and they love to hug! By sharing their insights on the job market, these ladies are inadvertently steering the other women to the right path in securing employment so the family’s economy is not impacted too badly.

6. Rishma and Yaso

I saved the best for last (I know, I did say no particular order) because a) they are family and b) they are both doctors. I am very fortunate to marry into an awesome family. I truly mean it. One of the main factors are the amazing role models I have in the family. Rishma is Suren’s sister in law. She is the Public Health Medicine Specialist who is based in Seremban. Rishma is a person with very high calibre. She is extremely dedicated, disciplined and has sharp focus in everything she does. She is in charge of making sure all the infrastructure are in place in order for the frontliners to execute their tasks efficiently. It’s a mammoth task and she has been working tirelessly day in and day out without much rest in between. Rishma is one of the important puzzles in making sure the medical team work competently. I don’t think there is anyone else who would do this job better than her (okay, I am bias. She’s family but she is super good) I have always admired her as a career woman and a mother and having seen her doing this job so amazingly, I can only say that I am super proud of her and she deserves so much of gratitude for working so hard to ensure we flatten the (damn) curve.

Yaso is Suren’s cousin’s wife whom we all regard as the big sister. A GP with flexible working hours, she recently volunteered to be a frontliner. You may think that being a doctor, it is a natural inclination to serve the country when you are needed but in actual fact, it is not that simple because we don’t know the severity of the pandemic. We do some sort know about it but we are still at the fire fighting stage, frantically putting out the fire that we don’t have the time to sit down and plan what to do next. Many would also contemplate risking it when there is so much at stake. Yaso is a wonderful mother to her 3 kids and I am sure when she decided to help, she would have thought the others have kids too so what’s the difference? That’s how Yaso is, always quick to help and extremely dutiful. When I first found out that she has ‘been drafted’ I literally had the song ‘Inilah Barisan kita, Yang Ikhlas Berjuang’ playing in my head and for the first time (in a very long time) wished I was a doctor so I could help too.

So here they are the women whom I admire for what they are and for what they have been and still doing during these troubled times called MCO. I chose to write this to honour the impact they have although they may disagree. Each one of us are doing what we can to safeguard the humanity. My deed is no greater than yours. We are in this together. The other objective of mine is to practice Gratitude because despite the difficulties, if we pay close enough an attention, we are better off than so many out there. Thank you ladies for being so inspiring and in return I hope you will be inspired too by others in your circle.

In the words of Idris Elba (man, he’s hot) now is the time to think of solidarity, now is the time of thinking about each other.

Stay safe and sane, everyone!

Till Death Do Us Part

Title sounds a little morbid given the pandemic we are in, right? Well I am going to address the elephant in the room. The topic many people have been avoiding to talk about. The opposite of social distancing that is happening in the confines of your own home.

As many forwarded messages and memes are depicting how mothers are going to turn into wild animals since she is being cooped up with the kids, men who get kicked by their wives for playing football in the house and many others, the truth is many of us are truly nervous spending time with your better half in the closed confines of one’s home in this quarantine period. It’s pretty much similar to the first stages of dating him or her where you just want to show your best side.

This is how it is; you meet someone, date for a while, get married, have kids and life goes on. The evolution of the marriage is such: the giddiness turns into sheer happiness then contentment and then many adjustments to have a harmonious marriage. Having kids can be a deal breaker; your marriage either strengthens or weakens.

In my case, when I met my husband, I thought he was the most caring man ever (he still is in some ways. But I am no longer the center of his universe. The kids are) We are what one would say the classic examples of opposites attract. We are so different; I am the eldest in the family, he is the youngest, I am a flighty Gemini, he is the grounded Libran, his numerological number is 1 which often highlights the leadership qualities and mine is 9 which is somewhat a rebel to the 1. However, we are both Roosters; it’s not the perfect match in the Chinese zodiac because since Roosters will be pecking a lot that signifies a lot of bickering. Even in the Indian zodiac, I am the fiery Leo and he is the laidback Virgo. So, you see, despite these differences, we dated for 6 years and got married and had kids.

We were blessed to have our first kid very early in our marriage but that did change the dynamics of our relationship. We were responsible for another human being. Over time, I began to lose my coolness and I became more paranoid. Not of him but because of our kid. Most mothers have fear creep into their hearts and live there permanently when she becomes a mom. It happened to me too and it intensified when the second one came along. This paranoia of mine became the bone of contention in my marriage. It became the basis of all our arguments. The reason I realised this is because I did a lot of soul searching. Arguments suck big time. And when our ego is bruised it’s even worse. He is the cool dad and I am the high-strung mum. We both have different parenting styles too which in most times seem okay but when it’s not okay, BAM! Another argument happens.

The icing on the cake is we run two businesses together and because we are so different it translates into our working styles. And you got it right. We argue a lot at work too. And because we are partners at work and in life and we are so different, it may appear that we are arguing all the time and sometimes it gets dragged on for days!

Reading this may make you think, what the heck is making us stay together then? Trust me there is a lot of reasons. Apart from the kids, we love each other fiercely. It has evolved over the years but now and then we get to see the glimpse of what we used to be either through a gesture or a statement and that’s thrilling. And we are best friends. He is the one I turn to first when something vexes me or makes me happy.And we enjoy talking things through. I am also fortunate to have wonderful in laws (I have to say that coz most of them will be reading this, hahaha) there are so many role models to look up to and free counselling is available too 😊 My late father in law used to say ‘Fix what’s broken not throw them away’ and I always remember that when the going gets tough.

I have also realised how many people devote their lives to their children which is an admirable act, really. But it is important to note that our kids are really not ours and when they leave the nest, you are left behind with your spouse. Therefore, it is integral to have a solid foundation in your marriage. That’s the person you chose, you married and had kids with and with God’s Grace that’s the person you will live with ‘Till Death Do Us Part'

It is so easy to stay angry, pout and sulk for days, trust me, I do that but it is not healthy. For yourself and also your marriage. My sister in law who is a very successful divorce lawyer once told me ‘As much as you think he is at fault, you have to remember that you are not perfect too’ which simply means everyone is hugely flawed. Having that in mind has averted many potential explosive arguments at my end.

The relationship with my husband has no definite parameter. We live and work together so it is a herculean effort to separate our arguments; home and work. But after working together close to 5 years, I believe we have some sort acquired the art of biting our tongue before saying that well deserved snarky remark only to mull it over and deliver our counter arguments in a more positive manner. And this was achievable with a healthy dose of distancing between us. We live together, we work together but we also pursued our interests separately.

But now that we are thrown in together in a confined space, we have started to walk on eggshells again. It takes adjustment. When the PM announced ‘Take the time to spend some quality time with your loved ones’ I went like 'Easy for you to say!' I may sound ungrateful by stating this as our frontliners are out there combating the pandemic while I am whining about being stuck at home with my husband but it is a real issue. Everyone is making adjustments in their marriage right now. I have a sister who only used to see her husband during the weekends but now she sees him every day. I would like to know how is that going. Another sister whose husband has a fixed schedule of being away from home half the day is now at home the whole day. And finally, my youngest sister who is a newlywed but is confined in her 450 square feet house with her super restless husband who cannot stay at home for more than an hour. Everyone has struggles. The pandemic is a bigger problem but for those who can’t help directly and have been asked to stay put at home as an indirect help for the world to curb this problem has a huge responsibility too.

It’s not about being at home and watching TV all day long, it’s about staying sane. If you have a spouse and kids, it’s all about teamwork. Planning the meals, activities to keep the kids occupied, house to tidy up, these are activities that can fall under the purview of a tag team. Saying please and thank you go a long way when you are stuck in a small apartment.

Just the other day I came across an image that showed that the air quality has improved significantly because the factories are shut down which is great but there is another underlying problem, the factory workers have no source of income now and this is going to affect their mental health. The world is definitely combating a huge problem with so many underlying issues and consequences and if you zoom into one aspect which is home quarantine; the sanity of the people in the home is at stake too. Many interventions are now available; free channels on TV, online yoga classes etc but unless we mindfully repair ourselves from within nothing else is going to work. That’s why my favourite forwarded message is ‘Can’t go outside? Go inside’ which relates to doing some soul searching. What better time is there to do it than now?

                                                     Image from Google

It’s Day 5 of quarantine in Malaysia and by God’s Grace no major arguments between Mr & Mrs Smith here haha but reliable sources have shared that the quarantine may be extended therefore it is imperative to come up with plans on not to avoid having arguments but how to strengthen the relationship with my spouse. In my opinion, in a marriage, Love is not the most important thing but it is Communication. No one is a mind reader (unless you are) so what you need and want to say should be translated and transmitted accurately and effectively. Gandhi once said ‘Be the Change You want to See’ and it applies perfectly in marriage too. You want your hubby to be more affectionate, you have to be more affectionate too. A marriage involves two persons so it takes two to tango just like how it takes two hands to clap.

In this vexing time, let’s work hand in hand in ensuring we have a harmonious marriage which is the pillar of a balanced community. Let’s aspire to speak to each other with love and affection and continue showering each other with kindness and care. Most times, we are more caring towards strangers than the people who matter the most to us.

Here’s wishing you a contented marriage in time of Corona

Disclaimer: Despite the argumentative nature,we are truly fun people to hang out with

How we managed a trip to TWO islands with TWO kids!

Although I grew up at the laidback and sleepy town of Kuala Terengganu and had the best childhood visiting beaches, islands and waterfalls, I insisted on an urban holiday with the kids for our annual year end get away. But Hubs is a beach bum and after much deliberation, he won and promptly booked the tickets while I fervently sent prayers to the Good Gods up there that I would not lose the remaining scanty hair I have on my head during the trip.

So this was the plan; Fly to Surat Thani and find our way to Koh Phangan then find our way to Koh Samui. The route involved a plane, ferry, bus, cab and van. Yup, my hubby is an aspiring Robinson Crusoe who conveniently forgot that we have a diva of a daughter and a Speedy Gonzales of a son.

The day finally dawned upon us to board our flight to Surat Thani on Air Asia from KLIA2. As fate would have it, we got caught in some delays and we missed the flight. Flight was at 12.30pm, we were at the gate at 12.15pm and we were denied entry despite the plane still being there and hasn't taxied off. The scene was like this; we arrived at the gate looking harried and frazzled with two kids in tow. No staff at the gate. Waved frantically to attract the attention but no one noticed. Ran to the next gate to seek help only to be told that they can't help and when the staff returned and the plane was still there, he just said sorry although we begged him to let us on the flight. When she heard that, Pebbles wailed out loudly that she had never missed a flight in her life before! She's 5 and she has only flown twice.  We totally understood that we should have been there earlier but we were held up at the security check. We did not hear any announcements because seriously it was like the market. Super noisy with all the fellow holidaymakers and the departure gate was P15 and if I were to compare it with the solar system, P15 was Planet Neptune if the Security Check is the Sun. It's freaking far! And we were not the only ones who did not board the flight, there were three others who got there 5 minutes earlier than us. Oh well, to cut the long story short, we had to purchase new tickets again not to Surat Thani because the next flight was only on Sunday (this was Friday). We purchased tickets to Krabi instead. At this point, hubs and I were super tired. We slept only at 1am since we still had to finish work and woke up at 4am to pack so we were severely sleep deprived and after pacifying Pebbles and getting back our luggage, we went to L9 to wait for our 5pm flight to Krabi where we only ended up boarding the flight at 5.15pm and the plane only took off at 5.30pm. Oh the irony!

So we reached Krabi and stayed at this really nice hotel called Phra Nang Inn which I highly recommend for you guys to check it out. It brought back fond memories of me visiting my aunt who worked at Pan Pacific Pangkor as this hotel was like the smaller version of it. The staff are helpful and the beach is just stone's throw away. The night market is directly opposite it so we spent some time checking out the stalls and I like it very much because we could hear music blaring from one side and there is so much to see at the night market.

Although the beach was nothing to shout about (Hubs was still feeling sore about missing the beach at Koh Phangan) we had a fun time at the beach. We thought of doing some island hopping at Krabi but then decided against it as the kids were still very tired so we decided that we would do it at Koh Samui.

Initially, we were supposed to take a bus then ferry to Koh Samui which would be a 5 hour journey and since I am blessed with a super smart and kind sister in law who chided us for getting the kids to endure such harrowing journey, she promptly booked us a flight from Krabi to Koh Samui with Bangkok Airways which was a pleasant experience. And yes, we were at the Krabi airport super early and lepaked at the lounge a good 90 minutes before our flight.

Once we reached Koh Samui, we checked into another nice hotel Novotel at Chaweng Although there is no lift there (all stairs) we found a back alley which was like a small hill so that was our daily work out for 3 days...hahaha

We went to town that night and hung out at the new mall called Central Festival. We ate some food and listened to a live band which concluded with a dance performance by 3 super fit and sexy girls who enthralled the audience with their rather provocative dance moves. We had a long chat with Pebbles when she tried to replicate the dance moves back the hotel. Oh the perils of parenthood!

The next day started early as we had signed up for 4 x 4 Offroad Major Safari Tour which were exhilarating for me and Hubs but terrified the hell of Pebbles and oddly it made Bubba sleep the whole journey!

This was the itinerary:

1. Chinese Lady Monk Temple

2. Big Buddha Temple

3. 4x4 to the Mountain Top to see the Panoramic View Point 360

4. Big Buddha at the Mountain Top

5. Had Thai Lunch at the Panoramic Restaurant

6. Elephant Trekking (we did not do that because it's animal cruelty)

7. Elephant and Monkey show (we did not want to watch it but the kids were cranky and we needed to divert the attention)

8. Muay Thai show

9. Coconut plantation

10. Namuang Waterfall

11. Grandfather and Grandmother Rock (I seriously don't know why they call them that because it is rather obscene and since Pebbles was asleep, I opted to stay back in the truck while Hubs took the oblivious Bubba with him)

12. Back to the hotel

Here's a picture of us in the 4x4 truck. Don't take parenting tips from us. Haha

  

Since the kids slept on and off during the tour, we were so tired and were ready to collapse but both wanted to swim in the pool so we had to oblige. (Have kids, they say. It will be fun, they say)

Because of the bumpy ride, we were aching badly but braved on for our next adventure; the Samui Island Tour at the Angthong National Marine Park. We first got into the van which took us to the pier where we boarded a tour boat. We were the only ones with kids and all eyes were on us when Bubba started to cry out as he wanted to explore the tour boat by walking around in his oversized life jacket and we didn't let him because he can easily slip through the brackets into the water! Pebbles on the other hand clung onto me like a Koala. But despite that we enjoyed the breath taking view as the tour boat sped to the first island, Mah Koh Island. We had to climb about 300 steps on an almost 90 degree incline to get to the top to view the magnificent Emerald lagoon.

As it is a relatively large tour boat, we needed to hop onto the long tail boat to get to the shore. Here's the tricky part because you need to be fit and nimble enough to hop on and hop off the boat without looking like a clumsy sloth like yours truly. We were very fortunate that the locals at the boat helped to lift our kids so we only needed to ensure we don't fall during the transfer. Trust me it was a tall order.

The Long Tail Boat

We then went to another island Wua Ta Lap Island where we spent a good two hour frolicking in the beautiful beach and then it was time to head back.

The next day was our flight back and this was our journey; Cab picked us up at 6am from the hotel. He picked up several other passengers and we were at the pier at 7am. We boarded the ferry at 8am. Docked at the Donsak pier at 9.30am. I loved the ferry ride. Felt like Meredith Grey on the ferry for a bit hahaha.

         

We got on a bus for another 2 hour journey. Stopped at a point to get on a van and reached the Surat Thani airport at 12pm. Our flight was at 1.30pm. We reached home sweet home at 7pm exactly 13 hours from the time we got onto the cab at Novotel in Chaweng.

All in all it was a great trip but also tiring. Because of the kids, we could not try out some street food and our kids only ate spaghetti much to our chagrin. But we learned a lot about traveling with young kids so here's a list of Dos and Don'ts of which I hope would help you in your trip in some way.

1. Be early for your flight. Triple check the time to board

2. If you are going to the beach, you can be in the swim wear and with your clothes on top and just bring a towel. Best to bring two sets of swim wear so you can let one dry overnight when one is being used.

3. Bring snacks like chips, biscuits or fruits. No chocolates because they melt

4. Use loads of sunscreen and mosquito repellent

5. Use flip flops not fancy shoes as they get wet all the time

6. Since we had to wake up like super early for tours, we showered the kids with warm shower right before bed so they only brushed their teeth and washed their faces the following morning.
7. Wet wipes is mankind's best creation. Use it
8. For island hopping, get yourself a (or two) water proof bag(s). It's super convenient. 5L would do

9. Pebbles suffers from bad case of wheezing so we were quite diligent in making sure both kids were out of their swim wear, wiped down and had a good dose of the sun after they are out of the water.

10. Since our holiday was filled with back to back activities, the kids took up to a week post-holiday to recover so do ensure there isn't any events or activities after you are back from the holiday.
11. And you need a break too! It's funny how hubs commented that HE needed a holiday once we returned home...hahaha

Our kids did have episodes of tantrums and meltdowns but it was mostly because they were tired and cranky so we had to bribe them with cool fruit juices that worked for us. We were also very fortunate to have fellow holiday goers were understanding and empathetic and helped to entertain the kids in foreign languages.

All in all it was a memorable holiday and since we survived a holiday that involved two islands with two kids, I am sure you can too!

 

Holidays with my In Laws

It has been a year since I blogged! And for a person who claims she likes to write, this is definitely an oxymoron. But in my defence, I have been pretty busy on my other Social Media platforms where I channel my love for writing with witty posts. I tried thought provoking ones but decided that it's not me. So when I opened my blog this morning, I found out that I actually did not finish my piece on my trip with my in laws. So here's continuing the story...

Yeap, you read it right. I recently went on a holiday with my in laws. Without my husband and kids and I shared a room with my mother in law.

While this is a recipe for disaster for many married women out there, I on the other hand adore my mother in law and I believe we had a great time  ( I mean, I did. I did not dare to ask her if she did...hahaha)

My sister in law called me one fine day to ask if I wanted to join them for their family trip to Bali as her best friend pulled out at the last minute due to family emergency. The offer was tempting but I had just returned from a trip to Singapore with my own family and I was thinking about the children. But husband said 'Go'. In fact below was the exact conversation we had:

Me: Do u think I should go to Bali? Love that place
He: You should. Maybe you need a break from me
Me: Break from you by going for a holiday with your family? I would be the first woman to do that!
He: ok what?! That's cool

When I told a dear friend that I was going on a holiday with my in laws, she thought I was going bonkers. Honestly, I didn't think much about it because I relatively have an easy relationship with my in laws and I wanted to sort out some internal issues that I have been having for the longest time.

You see, I wasn't feeling happy. As much as I know that my happiness is my own responsibility, I was at lost on how to go about seeking it. Based on the all the books I read and all the mumbo jumbo we see on social media, it was pretty obvious that the search should start from within me.

So while I searched for myself, I found out some interesting facts about my in laws too during this trip. Most surprising one would be my sister in law's husband who is famously known for being harried and easily troubled. He was at his most zen and I thoroughly enjoyed his company. My sister in law spoke very little which is very unlike herself and my nephew was very endearing. My mother in law was her usual self; never complaining, always obliging. As her room mate, I was her designated company for the short shopping trips near the hotel and I thoroughly enjoyed her company.

AS for me, I managed to do yoga and do some meditation by the beach and also the on the hill overlooking Tanah Lot. The cool breeze was invigorating and I could feel a rush of emotions engulfing me. I took it as a detox process, a part of the purging process. I also squeezed in a small meditation session at Triti Empul which had gave out some mystical aura.

We stayed at Hard Rock Bali and I was so in love with the bed! I had the best and restful sleeps there and there was when I realised that I truly need restful sleeps. Having two kids who don't sleep through the night can be detrimental to mental health.

For those who wish to get a break or also to find oneself, I would highly recommend to go on a trip. I was fortunate to join my in laws so I didn't need to worry about food and accomodation. And I supposed it doesn't need to be somewhere fancy too. Go where your heart leads you to. I also always found comfort in listening to the waves at the beach. It's soothing and some sort melancholy, a feeling that resonates with me.

My trip with my in laws was one of the most relaxing ones I have ever had and I am truly grateful for being given the opportunity at the eleventh hour. And the fact that I have a hands on husband truly helped as I didn't worry about the kids at all, I know that they were in safe hands; big and capable hands :)

On the hindsight, if you wish to visit Bali but not sure of a suitabe itinerary, do let me know because my sister in law is fantastic in drawing up itineraries that suit your budget and interests too.

Traumatic Child Birth Experience: Part 2

My super cute nephew turns 1 and it also marks a year since the fiasco over my blog concerning my sister's traumatic birth experience. Just this morning, the memory of her with bloody lips crossed my mind and my heart writhed in pain.

I had taken down that post since it caused too much of stress although that is the only post that had over 15k views! I wrote a sequel but I never posted it so I thought I should do it now. I have learned a lot over the year, about myself and the others around me. My husband till today is my strongest supporter with regards to this matter. The reason I thought I should post it now is beacuse although the first part caused so much of stress and pain and hurt, the second write up reflected my bravery in standing up to what I believed in. I just didn't post it as I didn't want to ruffle some feathers.So here goes...

What is more exciting than Christmas which is around the corner? A sequel to my drama, of course. As any sequels go, it could be better or even worse than the first part. So take out the popcorns and let’s find out.

For those who read my previous post about my sister’s ordeal may think that I have an army behind me rallying for justice now. YOU ARE WRONG! I don’t deny there were some who were sympathetic and empathetic but mostly were taking the whole story, which in my defence was a personal rant not an official complaint to the Ministry of Health, out of context and that made me view them as pathetic. But then again, everyone has a right to their opinion.

I was called a delusional, whiny, a writer of a story with so many inconsistencies and loop holes and my personal favourite ‘A-disgrace-to-the-non-muslims’(wow that’s rich) As family and friends began to share my story, more people began to read it and more people began to comment, more bad than good comments, I must add. It was mind boggling. Again, everyone has a right to their opinion.

At a platform, someone mentioned that it would have been better to communicate with the people concerned e.g HOD or Hospital Director and my good friend replied ‘I disagree. This issue concerns the public. And the public should know what’s going on in government hospitals that are supposed to serve the general community, which is made up of mostly middle class and working class folks’ Harsh? Maybe to some but think about it. If I had lodged a complaint at the hospital, I would have been informed that it was standard protocol and the hospital was merely following its policy. Because I came across a platform where many readers who you can guess are medical professionals commented that the whole process was on point and there was no sign of medical mismanagement. They would have apologized, of course. But if you take a minute and read my write up again, I neither mentioned the hospital, my sister’s details nor the medical personnel’s details. Why? I was not seeking for an apology, compensation or a damage control exercise, I just wanted to share my experience. 

I was accused of being crude in my write up, having distorted expectations and adding spices to my story. Again, it was a personal rant not an official complaint hence the flow of language will be different plus it is my blog la, why tell me how to write it? I was not seeking for fame (trust me, don’t even have an ounce of it). My write up became somewhat viral and reached the authorities and ruffled their feathers and that I must stress was beyond my control.

So what was my objective of the write up? I was just unhappy with the system and processes that are in place and I was hoping we could make a difference. And if a small group of readers who has read my write up began to reassess their birth plans based on reading my experience, I would be happy. Some of the comments were along these lines:

‘If you wanted to be treated like a Queen, you should go to the private hospital’

‘You pay peanuts. What do you expect?’

And another reader retorted ‘Does that mean you need to have money for a respectful birth care?!’ That hit me hard and got me thinking. We are in an era where everything is accessible with a touch of a button all for the sake of comfort and convenience but why are we still in the dark ages when it comes to having our babies in a calm and serene manner? Why do we need to spend so much of money in Private Hospitals when Government Hospitals are teeming with highly experienced and incredibly skilled medical personnel? What actually puts us off? In my opinion, (again it is my PERSONAL opinion) It’s the lack of humanizing services which stems from interpersonal skills that DO NOT need funding to cultivate. Change begins within you. If you choose to be more proactive, to be an effective communicator and take the effort to practice the values that define your work place, why would a patient have distorted expectations? I was informed that our country’s maternal and fetal health care is better than in the UK. That’s awesome news but don’t you see that there are still many areas to improve in?

I am not championing Private Hospitals. A reader commented that ‘government hospitals value lives, private hospitals value money’. Where is that coming from la? Both hospitals have experienced medical personnel with a wealth of knowledge and both have its pros and cons. I was asked why my sister opted to do VBAC at a government hospital. My question back was ‘Why not?’ She did her research and chose the government hospital. She understood the availability of facilities and services yet she underwent an unfortunate ordeal. To blame us for not doing enough research before deciding where to go was an unfair statement. She was a victim of miscommunication in terms of pain management plan and having her husband with her. And that is what I am championing, an effective communication process from all channels. I have friends and family members who had wonderful experience having their babies in the government hospitals and also some who had bad experience in private hospitals. So there are pros and cons in everything.

While Australia is celebrating for the legalization of same sex marriages and Pink is promoting genderless parenting, this unknown Malaysian is only championing for a calm and respectful birth care. Childbirth is a humbling experience. A child is made by two persons so shouldn’t that two persons be involved in its birth as well? A proper pain management plan is an added bonus. Of course a father may not want to be with the mother during birth for various reasons and a mother may want to deliver her baby without any drugs (I kow-tow to you, woman). The bottom line is, they should decide this birth plan and it has to be aligned with the hospital policy of which needs to be updated to them at primary healthcare level. When a mother goes through a positive child birth experience, the subsequent journey is guaranteed to be a smooth one which is good for the family’s wellbeing.  All this should be achieved without having to spend so much of money. I understand the constraints some hospitals face in terms of facilities in accommodating the husband in the labour room and the process involved in pain management plan. But please find a way to let the public know. Educate expectant mothers on what should they expect when they step into a hospital to deliver their babies so they can make sound decisions.

A wise woman said, ‘You can’t beat the system’ I asked back ‘Why not?’ The answer was it’s the way things are. Are they? Gandhi said ‘Be the Change You Want to See’ so expectant parents, if you are not getting what you want, if your expectations are not being met and you are just not happy with the system, step up and be proactive. Work harder in getting the right answers.  Have all the details of the available services and facilities to be mentally prepared. Share it with other family and friends as sharing is caring. My sister thought she did but it was not enough. 

Likewise, the medical fraternity should take this as a constructive feedback. Someone said I have to be in the system to understand what is going on but wouldn’t you get more sound suggestion by someone who is looking in from the outside? I understand now that different hospitals have different policies but how about conducting a study on best case practices among the GHs in Malaysia or other hospitals in Southeast Asia. Simple and inexpensive methods like putting up a board with patients’ updates and getting the nurses to update the family on hourly basis without being asked go a long way. You may be doing it already or about to embark to. I wouldn’t know. What I have personally gained from this fiasco is I have learned a lot about how the system works. But what about the next unassuming person? How do we educate the rest so we don’t have grievances aired in the open? The answer is so simple; Effective Communication Skill. My former boss always says ‘Knowledge is Power’ and that is what I believe in too. We have to empower more people with the knowledge. And this is my aspiration; one should not spend extra money to have a comfortable birth care.

So that was the main intention of my write up earlier, to highlight was is lacking. I am not going to apologize for the way I wrote it and also where I shared it. It’s my prerogative. I am fully accountable to what I do. But what I want to reiterate is I didn’t mean to hurt people or any organizations with my write up. Sometimes when you see something unfavourable on social media, take a step back and read it from a different angle. ONLY VERY FEW people understood it was a frustration of a sister over her sister’s ordeal and I am thankful for their emotional support. Just this morning, I received a call from a friend who is a doctor who actually thanked me for the feedback. It was like the light at the end of the tunnel for me like finally someone sees it!

There, I have done my part. I not only ranted, I gave some sound suggestions too. Now I am going to sit back and mentally drink some chilled Somersby beers after all the drama as I was asked to ‘Chill la’ when I shared some unbelievable remarks from the readers with my family members.

Have a nice day

Again, this is my personal blog so I write whatever I want and how ever I like and I am so darn proud of my write up :)