Pebbles caught the dreaded flu bug over the weekend and understandably she was grumpy and not her usual self. Last night she took it one notch higher by throwing a tantrum in the likes of throwing her head back and crying, hitting her head on the floor and screaming her lungs out.
When Pebbles returned from the baby sitter's, she was already cranky. Refused to take her biscuits for tea time and cried out loud when we wiped her snot. Out of sheer exhaustion, she slept off on Hubby's shoulder and as I was about to soak in the brief reprieve, she woke up wailing loudly. I thought she was hungry so gave her dinner of which she spat out angrily. I checked with my husband who confirmed that she finished her lunch at the baby sitter's. Thinking that she had no appetite, I let her play but our little Miss Sunshine was in the mood of throwing her toys on the floor and strewing all her flash cards at the dining area, my patience was already wearing thin. We were expecting guests for dinner and I had earlier tidied up the house
When the guests came over, they were cooing over her and Pebbles loved the attention. She was relaxed and played with them only to turn all cranky again as they stepped out to leave (Talk about Mr.Jekyll and Mr.Hyde, man) If the little one was grumpy, the mother was SUPER DUPER Grumpy (I know, poor hubby).
She only slept at 12.30am. Woke up at 1.45am, crying loudly as though ants were biting her body (I did check for ants, Negative) Gave her milk to drink so she slept off. Woke up crying again at 2.45am, 3,30am, 4,00am, 4,30am, 5.00am. Every time I patted her to sleep on my chest, she slept off only to wake up wailing (with eyes closed) when I gently (very very gently) placed her in her crib. I was at my wits end. I just didn't know what she wanted. I gave her milk again but she refused. I walked around with her in my arms singing lullaby (in a raspy voice) she still cried. I didn't know what to do. I was tired and confused and angry as hell not to mention close to tears. I was going to wake up at 6 am to meditate, have some coffee, prepare her meal and leave for my 8 o'clock Yoga class and I had hardly slept.
At 5.00 am, I rocked her on my lap ( a little too roughly) but she slept off and I thought it was best to place her between me and hubby. She sighed loudly turned over and started crying again, that was the last straw, I gave her 4 quick whacks on her calf which obviously made her wail even more but that got my husband jump from the bed, scooped Pebbles and promptly told me that he was going to sleep in the guest room with her. I was breathing heavily like a mad bull but I strained to hear if she was still crying. No sound so I went to the room and she was curled up like a bunny and snoring away! My husband turned to me and told me to get some rest. I came back to our room.Instead of catching some sleep, I burst into tears berating myself for being a horrible mother. I cried and cried and slept off only to wake up less than 30 minutes later because I thought she was crying. Went back to the other room and she was still in the same position. I knew sleep had eluded me so I decided to meditate and of course my baby's tear streaked face was on my mind throughout my meditation session. I contemplated whether I should attend the Yoga class but I knew I needed to let go some of my pent up emotions so I went (Of which I am glad I did). Came home to find that she was still asleep breathing through her mouth because her itty bitty nostrils were blocked with mucus (sorry for being graphic). I quickly prepared her breakfast, woke my husband up as he had to some errands to run. I was embarrassed to look him in his eyes but I gathered my courage to seek his forgiveness for raising my hand at our child to which he simply said, 'It's OK darling. You were tired' My sweet and forgiving man.
At the sound of the front door shutting, Pebbles woke up and when she saw me she gave her sweet smile and my heart melted. How could I whack this little cherubic child of mine? All is good with mother and daughter now. We played some games. Gave her a bath, fed her and sang her lullaby for her after bath nap.
Personally, it was an eventful morning for me and I really hope I would be more mindful the next time Pebbles doesn't act the way I want her to. After all, I am the mother and she is only a helpless child. I still feel awful for what I did but it serves as a reminder that I should always control my emotions. Motherhood is definitely not for the faint hearted, I tell you!
my poor unwell baby
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