Chemistry is the word

Hubby and I went to watch Dilwale the other day. A Hindi movie starring the darlings of Bollywood; Shah Rukh Khan and Kajol.

The movie was so-so although I admit I was laughing so much till my sides ached at some scenes and Kajol is absolutely lovely to look at. She has aged beautifully now that she is in her 41st year. In fact she looks far more beautiful than she did 20 years ago.

Thinking hard and analysing unnecessarily as I usually do,I couldn't help but feel amazed at the chemistry she and SRK share on screen. I mean they just have to glance at each other and you know that a thousand words have been spoken between them. This brings to my question, would you not find it disturbing if your spouse shares a sizzling chemistry with someone else besides yourself? Wouldn't it be more disturbing if you do not have chemistry at all with your spouse but you have it with someone else? Gasp!

Is that why affairs occur? *cringe with fear*

Of course they are actors and they are supposed to emote wonderfully but it is just something about these two that makes you feel that true love exists and your heart does skip a beat for that person..sigh..told you I am a hopeless romantic.

Bollywood movies are famous for the sappy storylines but no actors in the world would convey messages through their eyes as effectively as Bollywood actors and actresses.I don't think there is any other pairs like the SRK-Kajol duo that can create magic on screen and that chemistry alone can be the saving grace of any movies.

May we continue basking in the magic of Bollywood films.

My cheeky husband had to say this when I posed the question to him 'Darling,why you need chemistry when we have biology?' haha I seriously think he should be a stand up comedian to generate extra income.



Image from Google

A plea for the soon to be wedded Hindu couple

The wedding season is over for the year. I meant for the Indian community as the Marghazli month has dawned upon us. This is the month the priests will be super busy with temple festivals amidst combating the monsoon season in India (So that is why Hindu weddings are not conducted during the Marghazli month which is technically from Dec 16-Jan 13).

I have attended a number of weddings this year partly because I love weddings (and I was invited to them, duh)and also wedding planning is something what my husband and I do as well. What I have observed throughout this year is that many of the brides and grooms had demanded to cut short the rituals in the name of having a simple wedding.

Unlike the weddings of other races, the Hindu wedding is conducted in the ancient language of India which is Sanskrit and obviously most of us do not speak the language any more thus the problem of not understanding the rituals involved. Therefore many of the soon to be wedded couple decide to forgo some rituals to give way for more time for photography sessions and also entertainment for the guests.

It saddens me when many of them demand to have a 'simple' wedding but spend so much of money on the venue, decorations, entertainment and other things by being oblivious to the fact that the Hindu wedding is steeped with so much blessings for the newlyweds.

A Hindu wedding celebrates the fact that it takes a village to raise a child thus the rituals always involve the uncles and aunties of the intended bride and groom. Each ritual from the coconut breaking to getting the blessings from the parents signify the importance of family ties and values particularly respect.

One of my favourite pastimes is watching wedding videos on YouTube ( I call that doing research for wedding planning) so the other day, I came across a wedding video of a mixed race couple. The bride is an Indian and the groom is a Mat Salleh. He looked dashing in the traditional attire and even his parents wore them too. He was at ease throughout the ceremony and my heart beamed with pride when he fulfilled a ritual called the 'Patham Pooja' It is a ritual where the bride and groom would respectively washed their parents' feet and receive their blessings. It is a poignant ritual as it signifies their eternal gratitude for raising them and conducting the wedding. So this white dude happily did the ritual and looked up at his parents with both palms together in the universal greeting and his parents smiled at him proudly. I doubt they understood the meaning of the ritual but they did understand the importance of it and took part in it without any qualms. When it was the bride's turn, her mother clung to her husband and sobbed because it was evident that she felt overwhelmed with happiness that her daughter was getting married and will be leaving the nest soon. Having watched that particular scene warms my heart because I know a couple who did not want to have this ritual because they wanted to save time. Seriously?!!

I find it incredibly silly when couples refuse to prostrate before their parents or any other elderly people. They deem it as an act of submissiveness when in actual fact it emphasizes respect and humility. Please get your facts right, people. It irks me when they say 'No way I would fall at their feet. Why should I?' I always have the strong urge to smack their heads when they say that.

Did you know that besides the part when the Thali is tied, another significant ritual for the bride is the 'Kanyathanam'? This is when the parents of the bride will give away their daughter to the groom and his family while the priest chants the mantra which basically means, 'Dude,I am giving you my daughter, you and your family better treat her like one of your own' (Of course the actual words are far more polite than what I have written) I always tear at this part of the ceremony.

It's true that the marriage is far more important than the wedding itself (wise words from my sister in law, SIL No.1) however most of us only marry once in our lifetime so why don't we strive to have a wholesome one? Instead of spending hours mulling over the colour theme, food testing, types of jewellery etc, do research on the wedding you will be having specifically the significance of the rituals. Ask the elderly people in your life or you can find out from the Internet. Spend some time chatting with the priest who will be conducting your wedding, he would be able to impart valuable information.Here I have attached a link on the significance of the rituals, I found from the internet.

http://tamilhinduweddings.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/Hand-Book-Print-version.pdf

So my plea is, my dear soon to be married Indian couple, seek to understand the meaning of the rituals before you unceremoniously 'cut them' from the wedding plan. It is either you have a full blown wedding with the rituals intact or have one without them i.e registration or even the 'Archanai Kalyanam' a simple wedding conducted in the temple right in front of Lord Ganesha. Please don't 'butcher' the rituals just because you want to have a simple wedding. Conducting these rituals don't involve much money. Do seek to do the right thing at the right time.

As soon as Mr.(Always) Right tied the Thali around my neck, I gave the thumbs up much to the amusement of our guests. If only we can get married again, sigh :)

Plans

For a person who plans ahead, I find it unnerving when my plans go awry. For the past one month, I have been living from day to day basis without a hint of planning. And that irks me. Partly because I don't like surprises and also perhaps it makes me feel unproductive.

Due to some circumstances plus the fact that we have one car, I feel shackled having not being able to carry out my plans.Throw in a baby with no definite routine, it's a recipe for changes in plans. Every night when I go to sleep, I will prepare a checklist mentally only to see it unchecked at the end of the following day.

You know how irritating that is? I used to bask in happiness whenever I cross out items in my to do list.Nothing gives me greater satisfaction than knowing I am done for the day and I was productive.

Ok, enough of whining, let's focus on a solution.Everything happens for a reason, right? So maybe this happening to me so I can be more flexible. I don't have to be rigid in ensuring I have a plan and I stick by it.Maybe for starters I should just have a framework of things that I need to get done and be cool and composed when things don't work out the way I want them to be. Easier said than done. I wonder how the others manage to do it? Do they work on some law of attraction? While I ponder on that, I should perhaps focus on eliminating procrastination from my life so I would be flexible and open enough to do A instead of the intended B.

I suppose I should do more people watching to find out how the others are more accommodating with changes in plans. The perks of a not working person; we could always come up with something silly and conduct research on it.

Ta ta

A fine young lady

You know how I like to observe people and look out for their best qualities? After a long time, I found myself admiring a 15 year old girl who is none other than my hubby's cousin's kid.Technically she is my niece too.

In times where kids are now ignorant of good values, it is certainly like a breath of fresh air when I spend time with this young lady. She is pretty, smart and confident plus very grounded. She does not have a hint of smugness on her although it is apparent she is an all rounder; excellent in sports,music and academic.

What I like most about her is how attuned she is to people's needs. Simple example is when everyone is gathered at a place chit chatting, she makes sure no one is without a chair. And speaks to everyone!

My in laws are now staying with her family as my father in law needs follow up check at the hospital and unlike any teenager who would lock up himself or herself in the room, this young lady takes the effort in engaging with conversations with my in laws including my grumpy father in law. It shows what a sensitive soul, she is.

She is competitive yet plays fair and is close to her cousins. She is the oldest among the grandchildren so the rest of the kids look up to her. She is strict with them but also smothers them with much love.

I commented once to her father, what a great job he and his wife had done raising such a wonderful young lady and he simply answered that it is all her doing meaning it's an innate thing.

That makes me wonder how do you inculcate that in a child? How do I ensure Pebbles behaves the same way at 15?

My parents hardly lectured us on values but we picked them up along the journey of life.We respect the elders and offer opinions in a civil way and although we may not be brave or outspoken like nowadays kids, we had a fairly great childhood.

For a person (me) who has had self esteem issues all her life, I am amazed at how easily my niece navigates life although being imposed with burdens of being the first child of the family just like myself.Hubby as usual mentioned that sports helped her greatly in shaping her confidence and good values. I agree but I also believe she has the extra ingredient that makes her stand out from the rest of 15 year olds.

As old fashioned as I sound, I find it very imperative for a person to have respect.I firmly believe one gives and takes respect. Greeting people with a sincere heart is one of the finest quality a person can have and I am so glad my niece has that.

When you build your life on the basis of respect, you have already laid a solid foundation and the chances of going astray is very very slim.

This young niece of mine is going to go places and make a name for herself.I don't have a shadow of a doubt that she is going to lead a very contented life simply because she has it in her. As for me, as much as I am proud of the responsible and respectful young lady she has become, I am blessed that Pebbles has a role model to look up to.

I learn a lot from people I meet and mingle and from this niece of mine, I have learned to have an open heart and face life headlong.

Thank you, sweets..

Unblock your Chi

My cousin and I attended a preview talk the other day on unblocking the chi in us to lead a healthier life. Chi is basically energy in Chinese.

It is believed that the aches and pains we experience are caused by two factors:

1. External factor
    Too much exposure to these elements can bring on diseases:

• heat
• wind
• cold
• humidity

2. Internal factors are your inner desires. Apparently, if you experience any of the following emotions with high intensity, a particular organ can be affected.

    a. Joy=Heart

    b. Anger=Liver

    c. Anxiety=Spleen

    d. Worry=Stomach

    e. Sadness=Lung

    f.  Fear=Kidney

    g. Shock=Sexual Organ

The trainer even conducted a demo on a person, asking a series of questions to identify the root cause of her neck pain and subsequently easing her pain using a magnetic ball.

The 2 hr talk was a preview to the actual training program which will be held from Jan 7-10

 2016 in KL but it costs a whooping RM10k!

Way too expensive for us but at least we got something out of this preview talk. 

A few members in my laws and I have a WatsApp group where we share information on alternative lifestyle so when I updated them about the talk we attended, SIL No.1 commented that the reason she had a heart attack was because she was overjoyed to which the Guruji in the group (the uncle who preaches meditation) cheekily added what were the consequences faced by her husband when he received the shock of his life..hahaha

When Chi is unblocked, you are liberated from the negativity that bogs you down and your subconscious mind just becomes stronger which would benefit other aspects of your life so it is apparent that the change should start within.

So here's to positive chi

Image from Google

Meditation

Apart from Yoga, I have been dabbling in meditation. Only yesterday, I completed the mandatory 90 day cycle of a meditation I started in August. I obviously felt triumphant having to complete it but meditation is not easy. It is not easy to keep still and focus when you have an over-active mind like mine.

My cousin who also meditates says that he constantly needs to battle with the monkey mind of his which he cheekily adds is drunk and is possibly stung by a scorpion. It was hilarious when I tried to picture his description but it is true, it is incredibly impossible to still our mind. In order to meditate effectively,you need to know how to sweep aside the thoughts that are playing in your mind when you try to meditate and it can be achieved through practice.

We spend hours mindlessly surfing the channels on TV after a hard day's at work so why not meditate instead. Focus on your breathing and reach deep within yourself. It is an exhilarating feeling and I highly recommend you to do that. Meditation is not only about chanting some mantras. It is about taking some time off to reconnect yourself. Disconnect from the outer world and go inwards.

So yeah, that is what I have been busy doing and I can't say I am perfect at it but at least I am trying which is important, right? Just today, I came across an article in a magazine which states that meditation helps to alleviate loneliness which ultimately can cure depression. It also encourages mental clarity and teaches you to be present at all times (tough for a day dreamer like me)

As for me, it helped me to see things in different perspectives. I no longer lose my temper easily and I am more careful with what I say meaning I am more mindful (yeap no longer the sarcastic, Deann)

For many years, I have been giving excuses about meditating which includes not being able to focus or concentrate. I still can't 100% but at least I am trying and I am convinced with practise, I'd be a pro at it. Meditation helps with overall health and I like that because you don't sweat when you meditate..hahahaha

So do some research and find out how you would like to do it i.e with music, guided, chanting or simply sit and inhale and exhale. Just spend 20 minutes a day doing it and do it for 40 days without fail so the act gets embedded in your subconscious mind.

Trust me at the end of Day 40, you will see a new you.

Happy meditating

OM

Image from Google

Story of My Life

I cant believe it has been almost 3 weeks since I last wrote an entry. As much as I missed articulating the thoughts in my head, life has been crazy these past weeks until I couldn't spare some time to type away. In a nutshell, I was on a roller coaster ride filled with a myriad of emotions these past weeks.Let me see if I can sum it up based on the characters of Inside Out:

Joy

My good friend,Nadine whom I have known since kindergarten got hitched last Saturday. I missed her ceremony but her reception was grand and I had fun catching up with other friends. Pebbles was her usual self flirting around and decided rather ceremoniously to poop then. Kind hubby took care of it. I have never seen a pair of happier newly weds. I am so glad she finally found her Prince Charming and get to act out her love story. Writing this is already making my eyes water. When her husband gushed about how great a person she is I couldn't help but feel proud of her. She is indeed a very special person and I am super duper happy for her.

Pebbles turned 1 on November 11. I can't believe my baby is now a big girl who is incredibly cute and bossy to the boot. Hubby and I were reminiscing our journey the past year and although it has been filled with many sleepless nights, puke, poop, urine and tears, I must say gummy smiles, cheeky grins, bubbly laughter and Pebbles' milestones sure surpass all the yucky parts. Well, I am sure she had a great day. We spent some hours at the hospital with my in laws. Face time with my side of the family (Thanks to technology!) and had a sweet birthday party with another cousin's kid who shares the same birthday. He celebrated his 11th while Pebbles celebrated her 1st. In 10 years, she would be celebrating her 11th and his 21st!! Sigh, how do I stop time from rocketing away?
Sadness

So what has happened? Well for a start, my poor father in law has been admitted to the hospital. He has been unwell for a while and poor thing had to be hospitalized to get things in order. His morale is very low at the moment and it is everyone fervent wish he gets back on track. My super devoted mother in law has also been impacted by this as she is at his beck and call 24/7 and it is clearly evident that she needs a really good break once he is back home but knowing her, she would be fussing over him like a mother hen. My mother in law is our Mother Theresa, always giving and never receiving.



Disgust

So hubby and I have been 'summoned' to organize the farewell party for a bunch of Year 6 girls from one of the prominent schools in the city. We found ourselves trapped between the parents and teachers which both parties want the best for their girls but they fail to listen what the girls really want *rolling my eyes here* event is on Monday so let's see how that would transpire.

It's crazy how dependant we are with our smart phones. Just the other day we were at a cousin's house and she has two halls. One was filled with relatives with their noses in their phones and the other filled with people watching television. Interpersonal communication has gone down to drain, I tell you. For a person with incredibly limited social interaction with fellow adults, I find this very disconcerting.

Fear

Ever since I became a mother, I fear that I have been forgetting things. My brains are slow to react in placing a memory, name, place etc. It is as though, once the baby popped, my hard drive was yanked away. As much as I remind myself to remain present, it is hardly attainable when you have a toddler who is up to mischief at all times and tries so hard to run away on her chubby legs (yeap, Pebbles can walk now! Although she reminds me of a drunk little adult) so I am always thinking of a zillion things to do at the same time and also squeeze in some time to daydream about a place where all is cool and I can finally breathe (dream on!). My Yoga teacher says that Yoga helps with the clarity of mind so I am counting on her words but that also means I need to practice Yoga at home! Arrrgh I don't have time!!
My other fear is going bald. I have so many obvious bald patches on my head and they are affecting my self esteem. I know I have to do something about it so at the moment, I am using Pebbles' shampoo (Less chemical and less expensive, haha)

Anger

Remember I attended the Translation class? Well I was asked to attend the Editing class as well and as much as I had fun catching up with the fellow translation musketeers, I found the class dead boring! All the tutors except one spend the time bragging about himself and I was actually surprised that my eyes didn't get stuck as I was rolling them far too many times. What pissed me off is the spelling and grammar mistakes found the application form. We are talking a bout a reputable Translation&Editing organization, they simply cannot commit such silly mistakes! Still makes my blood boil. Now we have been asked to collect our certificates. Why couldn't they give it when we were there for 4 days?! Seriously!

So yeah, that pretty much sums up my life of 3 weeks. Pebbles is up from her nap and I have to play with her to keep her occupied until help comes...hahaha...Ta Ta