I had a tough time breast feeding Pebbles. The day she was born, the nurse brought her to me and we tried to get her to latch on. It never crossed my mind (in a million years) that I may not be able to breastfeed her.
Firstly, I had trouble getting her to latch on. Secondly, I just didn’t have milk. One or two drops but nothing more. Friends told me to pump regularly. I did for 45 minutes, but I only managed to get half a teaspoon. I was devastated, depressed and stressed out.
My brother in law who is an OB/GYN doctor advised me to get her to latch on 1/2 hour before her feed time. I did that religiously only to cry when Pebbles cried because there wasn’t any milk. I call the early months after Pebbles’ birth the ‘Dark Times’
Luckily my husband was very supportive and he took over the formula milk filled bottle feeding rather expertly.
Pebbles is almost 9 months old and I still feel guilty for not breastfeeding her. Whenever she had the sniffles or a slight fever, I blamed myself for not successfully attempting to breastfeed her and providing her with all the goodness of breast milk.
I anticipate in fear for the question “Are you breastfeeding?’ whenever we meet someone. I crumple in despair when they give me the ‘Look’ right after I say No. It took me a long time to look them in the eye and say ‘No’.
My heart still aches (a little dull now) when I see a mother breastfeeding her child.Breastfeeding is not easy. It is difficult for many mothers. That was when I vowed to myself, never to ask that question to a mother with a baby.
I still support breastfeeding.I think it is excellent for the baby. I even told myself to read up all I can and be prepared mentally and physically for the next baby.But if all attempts fail, I would no longer be ashamed or heartbroken to resort to bottle feeding my child with formula milk.
My good friend, Ina recently had a baby and she confessed that she has a tough time breastfeeding her baby. I gave her appropriate advice which is to get the help of a lactation consultant (of which she had already made an appointment to meet) and most importantly to relax when she is attempting to breastfeed her child. I hope she succeeds. And if she doesn’t, I am going to be there for her to ensure she doesn’t get drowned in the dark sea of guilt and embarrassment as I did.
Once someone asked me, how could I bond with my child when I don’t breastfeed? I was stunned by the question and I had no clever retort. I just excused myself to the room only to cry buckets and telling myself in my head, what a hopeless mother I am. It took me awhile to recover from that episode but it resurfaced again when I read the following link from Baby Center.
Only this time, I had a huge smile on my face.These beautiful pictures show the deep bond and affection between the child and the person who is feeding the child through a bottle. When I saw these pictures, I suddenly found myself reminiscing the countless memories of me gazing at Pebbles while she drinks her milk and how my heart swells with so much of love (ok maybe except the time she is grumpy and drinks her milk with a frown which always cracks me up because that’s when I honestly believe I had given birth to a teenager and not a baby)
Basically what I want to say is; I am mother and I feed my child with formula milk and I believe bottle feeding is TOTALLY OK.
-Written on July 28, 2015-
No comments:
Post a Comment